Is it ok for a bisexual man to marry a woman (straight people answer too)?

Question

I am 16 years old (almost 17) and I am bisexual. I’m not confused like some adults might say because I’m a teen … I KNOW that I am bisexual. I know this is a long time away but it’s really bothering me so I need to ask this to see what other people think. I know for sure that when I’m older I eventually want to get married and I want to have kids some day. I would prefer to be married to a woman, not because that’s what I have been raised with and what society says is right, it’s because I would prefer to be married to a woman. I can’t imagine myself being married (or together for a long time) with a man. So just say I meet a girl and fall in love with her, and I eventually decide that I want to marry her, would it be wrong to marry her if I am bisexual? As long as I stay committed to that person, would it matter? Maybe one day I would rather be with a man instead of a woman … I don’t know, but if I was to get married tomorrow I would rather be married to a woman.

The way I see it is that it’s no different than a straight guy marrying a woman. He will always “look” at other women, but he just needs to stay committed to his wife. Wouldn’t it be the same for someone like me? I would always “look” at other women AND men if I was married, but as long as I don’t act on those thoughts, it’s ok for me to be married?

I know this is a really long question, but I really want to hear other people’s opinions on this. There is no one else for me to talk to about this. I’m looking for answers from gay, bi AND straight people. Thanks!

** And yes I would be faithful to the person I love. I wouldn't cheat on them, and I would work hard to make the relationship work. I really do want to have a wife and have children one day.

Answer 1

If you are totally loving and faithful it can work. remember, marriage should be based on many things, sex being a part, but commitment, friendship love and Loyalty and encouragement, caring, sharing, etc a bog p[art.

The trick is not to run out when times get together, but to work out things and get closer.

Answer 2

I think it is possible for a bisexual guy to be happy and faithful in a marriage.

You seem to have a pretty good grasp of your sexuality already. Still, be aware that besexuality is not always (if ever) a 50:50 situation. Most bisexual people (including men) have a definite preference for one sex over the other. Do you know where you fall on that spectrum of attraction?

Whatever you do, do not misuse your spouse or girlfriends in life. There are bisexual guys out there who use their sexual orientation as a license to cheat with both men and women, and once their spouses feel committed to their marriage, they often stay with their husbands no matter what -- in other words these men know their wives will not divorce them and so take that as a signal to do what they will, sexually. You would be surprised at how many bisexual men are like this.

(I have also known of men who remain faithful to their wives throughout marriage, but once death or divorce separates them, these same men begin to explore their bisexual urges.)

Still, you have spoken in a more mature manner about your sexuality than a host of men many years older than you. Good luck to you.

P.S. By the way, most supposedly straight men are probably bisexual to some extent. You are probably among a few who have expressed what many men think.

Answer 3

Bisexuality is difficult in that people are not necessarily attracted equally to both genders. Moreover, it is possible for a bisexual person to be attracted to all genders but only one sex, or to all sexes but only one gender (note the definition of gender as social/psychological category, distinct from biological sex).

Apart from sexual preference, some bisexual people describe their attraction as being based on personality or other characteristics rather than gender. Another view of bisexuality is that homosexuality and heterosexuality are two monosexual orientations, whereas bisexuality encompasses them both. However, some argue that bisexuality is a distinct sexual orientation on a par with heterosexuality or homosexuality - so I feel your pain and confusion, it's certainly a lot to get your head around!

Being a straight person myself (with no religious or moral objections to homosexual or bisexual orientations and relationships), I see no problem in the fact that you may decide to marry a woman in the future. Same would apply if you chose to be with another guy. I think your choice should be more based around who makes you happy, who will love, trust and honour you... and do you feel the same about them?? That's what should make your decision for you...not whether or not your partner has a penis :)

Good Luck.

Answer 4

I don't understand why you ask if it's OK? OK to whom? Your only judge would be the woman you marry. If it's OK for her than why not? On the other hand I don't think it's OK for a bisexual person to think just because they like both sexes they should be allowed to cheat. Cheating is cheating weather with the same or opposite sex.. As long as you understand that being bisexual doesn't give you a free pass to cheat. You have to know that a commitment has been made. It's the same as if you were heterosexual. Once you get married you are with that ONE person only. Unless you marry a woman that like to swing.?

Answer 5

I am 53. I've known I was bisexual since before I had words to define it. I've been in love with both men and women. I choose a man to marry, and we had two daughters. We were married for a very long time, but eventually grew apart as we aged and he succumbed to his alcoholism. At the age of 49 I found the true love of my life, and its a woman. I've never been happier in any relationship, and I know this will be my last one.

I have never been unfaithful to anyone, once a commitment made, I stuck with it, no matter what.

I think you sound like a very mature young man, and I suggest you pursue your life just as you want. One piece of advice. Be honest with yourself and don't ever fall for the belief that your urge to be with men can be "cured" by being with a woman. If you are going to commit yourself to a woman and have a family with her, then be prepared to never have a relationship with a man again. And always be honest with any partners you have. If you can do that, then good luck to you, it sounds like a good plan.

Answer 6

Marriage is based on commitment, if you can make and keep such a commitment, then your bisexuality is no obstacle. You'll occasionally be attracted to someone other than your wife, male or female, nothing wrong with that, you will, after all, be married not dead, you will only be in the wrong if you act on it. That has nothing to do with being bi, that has to do with being a cheat, and those come in all stripes, straight, bi, and gay.

Answer 7

As a married (straight) women I'd want to know if my fiance was bisexual. If you get married you should respect your spouse and your vows and never ever cheat, with a man or a woman. Getting married is a lifelong commitment, if you're thinking you'll want a man "in the future" then don't get married.

Answer 8

As long as you are completely honest and upfront about your sexual identity with her, she can make a conscious, informed decision as to whether she wants to marry a bisexual man.

It's not necessarily the case that you must have a monogamous marriage either, as long as both spouses are fully open with one another about their willingness and assent to have a polyamorous marriage. It's not cheating as long as the spouses consent to sexual activity involving third parties after full disclosure.

There are numerous women out there who are okay with marrying a bisexual man, and in fact there are some who are actually attracted to it.

As far as what society says about how you should conform your behavior, you don't necessarily have to do what the herd does. Marriage is at its heart a civil contract, so as long as there is mutual, informed consent between the parties as to the parameters of the marriage, then you shouldn't feel constrained by what you think society dictates that your marriage should be. The marriage is between you and your spouse and is governed by what the two of you want, not what society wants.

What would be wrong would be to lie to her about your sexual identity or sneak around behind her back. It would also be wrong to lie to yourself as to whether you truly preferred to be with a woman rather than a man.

Answer 9

you seem to have a strong grasp of who you are and what your values are.. you are way ahead of many adult bisexuals.

if you wanna marry a woman and have kids, and if you know deep in your heart that this will make you happy, then that's awesome go for it!

many bisexuals end up in happy monogamous relationships.

however, many other bisexuals fall into the polygamous catagory.. these bisexuals feel the need to have man and woman sex partners at the same time..

obviously, you will have to make sure you are 100% happy with your woman and that you won't feel empty without having a man in your life.

i feel the same way. i am technically attracted to men and women, but i want to be with a woman for the same reasons..

Answer 10

I'm not so sure you should be "looking" at anyone other than the one person you truly love. Be truthful with your future wife and if it was meant to be; she will accept (and love) you the way you are. Trust is a HUGE part of marriage. Be bi, whatever as long as you tell your wife and stay committed, physically and mentally to her.

I don't think its wrong, so you have different tastes, so do all of us but again, I want to *stress* honesty and commitment.

Answer 11

If you get married because you want to be in a committed relationship, then do that. Stay committed. Especially where children are involved. Just make sure you really are with someone you could spend the rest of your life with.