Recently I went away for a month with my kids, and when I returned home I found out my partner had been "hanging out" with a single mum, as friends while I was away. He went to her house and she came to mine and I don't even know her or knew nothing of her. He never mentioned her as one of his friends before and now they can hang out?? I feel shattered and betrayed. Am I reading too much into this or do I have every right to feel the way I do? I made it my mission to find out who she was and both of them said nothing happened they were only friends and both of them think they have done nothing wrong? Where are peoples morals? How can I begin to trust again because it was all so secretive? I find it really offensive because personally I think you just don't hang out with a married man when his wife and kids are away! I will welcome any response but please be gentle with me, I'm hurting :(
2007-02-07 14:34:51 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First of all you have every right to be angry and unable to trust you husband right now...I think i would have went straight though the roof!!! Talk to to your husband and tell him, he disrespected you, your home and your family...A single woman and you husband alone in the same house, i don't think so...Mine would have found his clothes on the front porch...Maybe on fire....
2007-02-07 15:03:00 · answer #1 · answered by ABBYsMom 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I would feel exactly the same way as you do. You're not being jealous or anything so don't feel bad. Your feelings are completely normal. You have every right to be angry with him and I understand you're hurting. I don't want to make you hurt anymore, but I must be honest with you. I believe that he IS having an affair with this woman, because if he wasn't he would have at least mentioned her before you left and let you meet her. Since he didn't mention her, he was trying to keep her a secret and why would he do that if nothing was going on? If you wouldn't have walked in on them, you still wouldn't know about this woman. I'm sorry, honey, but that's what I believe. You can do better than this good-for-nothing cheater. Move on with your life and try to find someone caring... you deserve better.
2007-02-07 23:41:21 · answer #2 · answered by jlg_jdf 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm a guy and I kind of think you are right to feel the way you do. The thing that concerns me most is that you did not know anything about her. It seems as if he's hiding something not to tell you about her.
On the other hand, it is possibly just really bad judgement on your husband's part to keep her a secret from you. He may just have thought it was no big deal.
Just my opinion, but maybe you should just talk to him and make sure he understands how you feel and then just try to let it go. Hopefully, he'll respect you enough to not let it happen again.
Good luck to you either way.
2007-02-07 22:47:14 · answer #3 · answered by Leroy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have every right to feel this way, and you are right, no woman or man should hang out with a married person while the spouse and kids are gone. Even if they are just friends they both should have the respect to include you in them going to each others houses. And any idiot who thinks different shouldnt even have a relationship.
2007-02-07 22:41:21 · answer #4 · answered by themom95 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust your instinct ,( as far as most people having morals there are some , but the ACLU is trying to sue them for having them .) But what ever happens keep your chin up for your kids. I have heard that before as well in a past relationship later I found out something did happen , but they had agreed between the two of them it was not to be considered cheating because they both wanted it to happen ,and be a secret.
2007-02-07 22:57:47 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have my sympathy. However, I think it is important to point out that you shouldn't place all of the blame on the other woman who has been spending time with your husband. You said "...you just don't hang out with a married man..." Rest assured, he was hanging out with her, also, and HE is the one who should have shown you more respect. Your husband should stand up and be a man and apologize to you for showing such disrespect towards you, disregard of your marriage, and lack of concern for your children who could end up with divorced parents. Don't believe him when he says he has done nothing wrong. He has. He tried to hide it. On the other hand, if you do choose to believe him when he says nothing sexual happened between them, the disrespect for you as a person is still there and must be dealt with.
2007-02-07 22:52:17 · answer #6 · answered by Lois M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're right in my opinion, to feel hurt. I would feel the same way. It's not right for anyone who's married/taken to "hang out" alone with the opposite sex. It's a dangerous situation. Would your partner like it if the tables were turned? He might SAY he'd be ok with it but if it really happened, I wonder. And it's not like the kids were with him and he was attending playdates or something. He went to her house alone and she went to yours. That's beyond wrong.
I really like Bert's answer too. God can heal anything. I'm sorry for what you're going through.
2007-02-07 22:47:22 · answer #7 · answered by Cindy F1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not making too much out of this, he shouldn't have been going over to her house, and she shouldn't have been going to yours, considering you don't even know her. Tell your husband that this friendship he has with her makes you unconfortable, see what he says, and go from there. If it were me I would end up talking to both, because as a woman, I would like to know what kind of a woman would befriend another womans husband in such a manner where she would allow him to visit her in her home, alone, without knowing his wife, or even thinking that this type of thing would be ok with his wife.
2007-02-07 22:43:27 · answer #8 · answered by Lovebug123 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi I'm truly sorry to hear this, I too have been there,don't make the same mistake I made. I was naive thinking & believing him.Instead of trusting myself, my gut feelings!!!
He made feel as if I was crazy,overly thinking,not trusting him,exagerating...and LITTLE DID I KNOW I WAS RIGHT THE WHOLE TIME. I just want you to trust your instint and I truly wish you all the best.
2007-02-07 22:57:41 · answer #9 · answered by Art 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOU ARE NOT WRONG!!!
Single Mom's are not looking for "chums" they are looking for husbands... Regardless of how innocent it was it was wrong. Besides, I don't believe them... if your husband is that naive he needs to be educated to the "ways of women".... this single harlot needs to be shown the door... preferably the outside of it and be told to go find her own man.... you may consider tossing him out with her. If there was nothing going on then he would have introduced the 2 of you LONG ago.
He should be ashamed of himself... #1- for betraying you and #2- for thinking you were not smart enough to see right through him.
You are right to feel betrayed because that is what that husband of yours has done... I am sorry for you... he has some major damage control to be started ASAP!!
Good luck to you and your children.
2007-02-07 22:51:08 · answer #10 · answered by RaLoh 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
No, you have every right to be upset. There is never any reason for your partner to be secretive about relationships. I would feel the same way. What was he thinking?
2007-02-07 22:43:57 · answer #11 · answered by janeannpat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋