Marriage difficulties due to sick mother in law?

Question

My mother-in -law was just diagnosed with a inoperable brain tumor, the doctors give her 1-6 months to live. My husband told me to "forget about him being with me or our daughter for the duration of her illness, he was not going to work (he owns his own business and will loose it all if he doesn't work) , we could loose the house for all he cared it was not important." I feel guilty for feeling this way, but he cannot leave his family (me and our daughter) with nothing and just disappear from our lives. He has tons of family to help but he wants to do it all. I understand he wants to be with his mom but we need him also to function in our lives. Any ideas on a happy medium? The last thing we need is our marriage to dissolve due to this.

Answer 1

Talk to him - tell him that you want to help his mother and him, but that what he is doing could destroy the family that the two of you have built, and it won't save his mother. Contact his brothers and sisters and ask them to tell him that they will help out also. Maybe he'll realize what he's doing.

He's probably distraught over the idea of losing mom. I can understand that. But I think he's over-reacting here. Did he just get this bit of news? If so, he probably just jumped to the worst conclusion in his head, and decided that he's the man to make everything good for mom in her last days. That's commendable, but it won't happen that way.

Answer 2

1

Answer 3

Deepest sympathy to you all.
Perhaps you should sit down and talk to him about it. Tell him that you understand that he wants to spend every last moment with his mother but he can't leave his responsibility of a husband, father and soul provider to do this. There has to be some kind of balance and if anything his mother would not approve of him neglecting his own family to ease her suffering.
Offer him suggestions on how he can maintain his business somewhat (slow things down for now, get a second mortgage or for you to pick up the slack), and still have time to look after his mother. When the time comes and he needs more time with his mother, allow him to take it and offer your support and assistance.
If all else fails try talking with his family and see if they can be of any assistance and if absolutely necessary speak with his mother but not before you've exhausted all avenues.
Remember he is in a state of shock and despair of losing his mother sooner than expected, be supportive and do your best to ease his heartache. Anything less and you'll look heartless.

Answer 4

You should be supportive of your husband and show some compassion for his situation. I'm sure you won't lose your house if he goes to spend a couple months with his mom, besides are you crippled or have some disability that keeps you from working and taking over his responsibilities for a little while, or maybe even hire someone who could possibly do some of the work until he is able to go back. You should feel guilty b/c you know your attitude is not right, you should be trying to comfort him and relieve him of some of the pressure and stress not adding to it.

Answer 5

I understand where he's coming from about how much time his mother. However, there's no excuse to cut you and your daugher off. You NEED your husband and your daughter NEEDS her dad. What you and your daughter is not allowed to visit either? I think that's way too extreme. Not only that, risking everything and later losing everything. What's your husband going to do then when his mother d...... He probably would have lost everything, then what? Sorry to say but, I think you better think ahead for your daugher's sake! If it were me.....I would take the time(I don't know if you're working, if you are great! in case not get a job, get yourself a place where you and your daughter can be happy and more stable and I WOULDN'T LOOK BACK! or if you have a friend or relative to stay with, that would be good too! He's obviously not thinking of you or your daughers well-being!

Answer 6

Can you or someone else fill in at the bussiness? He can keep paperwork or whatever going while he spends time with her & someone else can run the show with basic instructions.If everything falls apart,,there is always a chance to start the the bussiness again or find another house.I know that is extreme but right now he feels he needs to spend quality time with her.I understand where you are coming from,,sit him down & ask him what the plan is to keep things running while he is with his Mother.To every problem there is a solution.He is just very stressed right now & probably not thinking very clearly.Help him make a plan.Good luck.

Answer 7

Sometimes, letting go seems like the easiest thing to do. But think about this: you've invested so much of your time and energy into another person; you've made a solemn promise; and you still know there's love, even if it's hiding underneath the surface. This website will show you how to save a marriage and avoid divorce, even if you're the only one trying https://tr.im/Dl94N

Answer 8

Maybe her staying with you all and then both of you can take care of her. He will still be able to work and you can work his business too.

I can understand that he wants to be with his mother but he has greater responsibilities in this life. He has a responsibility to you and to his daughter. If he will not work out some kind of middle of the road thing then maybe it is time to move on.

Answer 9

A man who loves his mother that much sounds honorable to me. His mother will see what he's doing and make him see. He's traumatized right now but will pull it together before it's to late. Allow him a little time. Try not to worry about the material things. Yes your home is very important and he knows that. Try to offer help with his mom. He really needs your understanding. He won't let you suffer. Just pray for strength. He'll come around.

Answer 10

At the risk of sounding mean, I think that you have every right to be upset, she may be his mother, but he needs to remember the 2 OTHER WOMEN in his life, he can do both, does he want to make her feel like shes going to die at any second? It would not be right for her, or him, or your family, talk to him, let him know that you understand that shes going to pass, but tell him to live too, you guys can take her here and there but other family members should help out too, its a strain for just HIM to be the one to carry everything on his shoulders.