i weigh about 210lbs and i realy want to diet and excerse and i have the time to but my husband wont let me. He has said to me if i lose weight he will leave me and try and take custody of the kids. he says he will bring up that i use to have a herion addiction when my eldest son was 3 at court. im clean now but still i think that would not be good. I tried to secretly diet and he noticed and he now weighs me every night and if i have lost even a pound he makes me eat a huge dinner the next night. if i tell him no he slaps me across the face. when we meet 12 years ago i weighed 130 so its not like ive never been thin.
what should i do?
2007-02-07 13:38:00 · 24 answers · asked by Maggie munsta 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
well i think you should leave him if a guy is hitting you he is not even a real man and it is you chose to diet or not
2007-02-07 13:43:07 · answer #1 · answered by AnAlUp3 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your husband should not be weighing you and he certainly should not slap you across the face! He is abusing you! Please seek out some help. Phone your local help line for spousal abuse. He is using your dieting as an excuse to abuse you and control you. That is not the act of a loving husband.
Don't let him bully you into thinking he can get custody of the kids. If you're clean, it would be rare that he would get full custody.
Go to your doctor, explain the situation and get your doctor to give you an approved diet to go on.
Please think of your kids - is this a good example for them to see him treating you like this? How much longer before he starts treating them the same way? You must get help. If he won't agree to some counseling, maybe you should consider leaving him. It doesn't sound like he loves you and you deserve better than that.
Good Luck!
2007-02-07 13:46:16 · answer #2 · answered by Ruby V 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I personally would get the partner (your husband) involved, shouldn't he be involved in this? I'm not sure if there's some sort of rivalry between you and her that may lead to her ignoring you (being a step and all) but it can happen. If she's more sociable with her father, then get him involved as he should. The only way you can tackle this is if you work together as a family and build a relationship with your daughter. And if this fails and she decides to ignore both of you, then I'd suggest getting some sort of external help such as some sort of social worker. And if it STILL fails....I hate to say this. But you just have to cut to the chase and discipline her. And by that I dont me hurt her or something. It means removing the source of harm, i.e. the food. Get her into a habit of healthy food and even if she ignores your healthy food and attempts to go out and buy some more junk. Simply remove that as well and her allowance (if she doesn't earn a living that is). You *may* have to go to the extent of scaring her out of junk and be extremely brutal and straight about what she's becoming. I say that is more of a worst case scenario option I hope this helps. And good luck with her recovery
2016-05-24 05:11:07 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
that's a very odd situation, he is supposed to be helping you out since you want to diet because in a way you want to feel better but weighing you every night is just crazy... is he so obsessed about your weight?
honey, threathening you about your heroin addiction in court can be proven false because as you've said you're already over it, and slapping you in the face is a greater proof in court that he is an abusive husband ... in fact ridding you of your right to do what you want is a sign that he is an abusive husband....
he hurts you emotinally and in a way that deprives you of your development as a person ... and come to think of it why should he leave you just because you're on a diet? that's weird .... better talk to a counsellor, maybe you're husband is keeping you away from something that he can't just tell you ...
2007-02-07 14:46:58 · answer #4 · answered by majal_lu 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Divorce him for being an abuser. He's scared that if you lose weight, you will be the one who will be leaving in the situation. If you want to lose weight, you have every right; it's for the sake of your health and you ability to be a healthy parent to your children.
Refuse to eat the dinners when he tells you to. If he hits you, call the police. It maybe harsh and something you don't want your kids to see. But in all honesty, it is better to have them see this once in their life, then to grow up with an abusive role model in their home.
2007-02-07 13:59:20 · answer #5 · answered by Answer Girl 2007 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that the weight lose is the least of your problems. You have a physically abusive husband that is controlling and the worst thing about this whole situation is that there are children in this enviroment.
The man is not going to change. He is afraid of you losing weight and leaving him or cheating. He is insecure within himself and he thinks violence is his only alternative to keep you under control.
Do you really want your children to think it is ok for daddy to slap mommy because she did not eat everything on her plate! You will be raising children that think that violence is the way to get what they want from their own wives.
2007-02-07 13:53:15 · answer #6 · answered by Maybe I am a smartass..so what 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why is he trying to control your weight? Sounds like he is afraid if you look any better, perhaps you will find you a better man. But hun i tell ya, u need to do that anyway. He has no business putting his hands on you.
As far as the things he plans to bring up, he dont stand a chance. The courts will look at it, but if you are clean now, it wont amount to a hill of beans what you used to be. They look at the here and now.
Get away from that psycho. You dont deserve that bologna and he has you thinking he has complete control of everything. Check into it if you like, u will see, he dont stand a chance taking your kids from you.
You do what you will, but you need to rid yourself of the bulk weight he consists of. Lose the LOSER!
Good luck hun.
2007-02-07 13:46:52 · answer #7 · answered by Truth Teller 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is not healty for you . You need to diet and lose weight or it may affect your health and make you sick and even maybe die some day because of it. take him to a doctor with you and have the doctor tell him this and explain it to you. You need to at least exercise and walk. You need to diet and exercise for your self and if he cannot handle this this is his problem. Do it for you and for your health. If he gets mean and controlling you may want to leave him for a bit. Go to http://www.drphil.com and email him with this concern and i am sure he will try and help you and your marriage. I wish you the best.
2007-02-07 13:49:59 · answer #8 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Holy cow - your husband has some real control issues and his response to not getting his way is to hit you? Run- run as fast as you can. As far as the kids go your past w drugs is nothing compared to the fact that he is currently hitting you! If he slaps you in front of the kids DSS would consider that domestic violence and if you do nothing and let it continue they would hold you BOTH accountable for exposing the kids to it!
2007-02-07 14:04:31 · answer #9 · answered by jillmarie2000 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pack the kids and an extra pair of underwear and get the heck out of there! Find a safehouse in another area. OR go to a relative far away.
2007-02-07 13:47:25 · answer #10 · answered by HDGranny 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A healthy person and a healthy relationship should be supportive ... not controlling. Even if he weights you ... you can eat what you want.
That aside ... I would get some therapy .. in the end you have to take care of yourself first.
This relationship you have with you husband does not seem like it is a healthy one.
Good luck
2007-02-07 13:46:11 · answer #11 · answered by Bob 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋