i'm really scared to be in relationships because most of my family's and friends relationships have all failed. my parents are divorced & so are my grandparents, my sister's been married 3 times & most of friends relationships don't last very long. i'm afraid my love life is affected by this because i tend to push people away when i feel i am getting too attatched. is this the right thing to do?
2007-02-07 13:37:51 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am going to say this...and it is NOT to be mean...you are very wise to fear being in a relationship based on the examples that you have seen...It is very possible that you are not equipped to be in a positive relationship...we only know what we have been taught...and it doesn't sound like you have had very good teachers...but having said that...you can learn...but maybe before you get into a relationship it would be good to go to a counselor....someone that you can just bounce things off of....It would be good if you could do this before you get in a relationship. I am very impressed for someone that hasn't had the best examples....you seem to be wise....and because you recognize that there could be a problem....tells me that you can rise above this. Good luck.
2007-02-07 13:49:03 · answer #1 · answered by ticklemeblue 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi,
I understand your worry, but, your situation with relationships CAN be different! It doesn't mean you will be following in your relative's footsteps because of failures. All you have to do is give others and yourself a chance and relax, meaning be aware not to push people away and just be the way you are! Everything can be good!
You know, I read alot of advice to others about going for Counseling and you could try that OR talk with a friend what you told us! Just getting "pointers" from others and US on this panel can give you guidance as well on how to deal with relationships.
Please don't worry either about getting too attached to someone! This is only natural! Let it happen!
The Best to you!
2007-02-07 13:55:54 · answer #2 · answered by julesrules 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes and No. It is normal for you to feel that way. Still keep a open mind when with someone, and give it a chance only after you feel comfortable with the relationship. Remember that life is about chances, and as you get older time goes by faster! Soon you'll find things that you've pushed away blossom and you looking saying "That could have been me there.". Sometimes you need to chance it, good luck in your future. By the by married 13 years on the 14th, so its not impossible.
2007-02-07 13:44:06 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you don't get into a relationship you will never know...and don't go by what has happened to others ...You might succeed
Instead of waiting until they get too close and push them away ...let the other person know that you want to take things slow ...If he cares about you then he will if not ...Oh well at least you found out
Do not judge yourself on how others have done...you just might be the one to have a great relationship
2007-02-07 13:55:39 · answer #4 · answered by Mrs. M 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know exactly where you are coming from with this one.You have to create your own identity I know it affects u but you have to be who you are not who you were programmed to be just because of your family.Believe me when i say you will eventually find your own way of doing things despite what your family did.My mom was in an abusive marriage for fourteen years,10 years I saw my mom get abused physically and verbally.My first marriage was physically and verbally abusive and I knew in my heart thats not who i am.I can do what my family done or I can be me the loving caring person I know i can be.Now there were bumps in the road but after 26 years i just now get it.I don't have to be who they were and I don't have to push people who love me away.Don't ever push people away unless they do something worthy of being pushed away,don't do it to protect your heart because it doesn't protect your heart it makes you bitter and detached from the world and that doesn't make you happy.When you feel the urge to push someone away think is this really what i want to do or am I doing this because thats instinct to survive and not be hurt....you will be amazed at the difference it will make to stop and think why am I doing this..
2007-02-07 14:08:42 · answer #5 · answered by samwise25 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Absolutly not a thing wrong with you! But pushing people away is not a good thing to do either. Learn to tell your special someone how you feel and work together as a team to solve problems that both of you may have. This will build a strong foundation that both of you can lean on in the hard times. Good Luck!
2007-02-07 13:45:35 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't let other people's experiences determine your choices. You really don't know why those relationships didn't work. You have to live your life and experience things for yourself, if you fall in love and it doesn't work out, well that's hard but you won't be the first person to have that experience.
You have control over what happens in your life, know what you want and make good choices, learn from the disappointments but don't stop trying. So no, its not the right thing to do.
2007-02-07 15:05:01 · answer #7 · answered by Forever_Young 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If "you" think there is a problem then there probably is. There are a lot of ways you can get help, start reading about why or what you are doing that may sabotage your relationships. It could be fear or maybe you are influenced by your family's past behavior. Do you feel they would not like you to have a successful relationship? Or maybe you don't deserve to be happy? I think you want to take the first steps to help yourself understand your behavior. You might need to talk to a professional. It could help you understand your family's behavior but more importantly, yours. If it means unlocking the pattern, it's worth it. Good luck.
2007-02-07 13:51:45 · answer #8 · answered by Bexcy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
do you want to be alone?
the only reason a relationship fails is that most couples rush into them without knowing each other and after a short while stop talking
try this in your next or if you've started a new one
right at the start tell each other that no matter what the problem is you'll discuss it then and there
don't wait not even for tomorrow
a snowball only gets bigger as it rolls down hill
sounds a bit corny but it works try it and see
2007-02-07 13:47:29 · answer #9 · answered by oct2855 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are a very beautiful person as well as strong, because most people end up lonely and broke..............my parents were also divorsed, and oh the lovely role models my mother picked out...they were such a fun.....would have made the Pope blush..and at one time i thought i would do the same thing and not get married, so i messed around and pushed every girl away, until my grandaddy told me something...." if you continue to push everyone away, who will be left? " took it to heart and found the right one for me......trust is something you have to earn not give..........find someone who is able to keep up with you emotionally, physically, and spirtually.....then you will be truely happy
2007-02-07 14:08:55 · answer #10 · answered by phishsports 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋