How to bring back the flame in my marriage?help?

Question

I married my husband 2weeks after we meet. It was love at the first sight...we've been through a lot and this year we've been married for 12 years. Last 2years ago we nearly divorce as I caught him texing romantic messange with his co-worker and since then I have lost my trust on him even that is the first time he cheated on me.He use to love me a lot and scared of loosing me and sex was good too but since the incidence a lot of things has change.He said he changed because I never been honest with him with my finacial issues which I think that is a lie.Since then I go back to uni and change my job for a better one and I start again to dress up and looks as fabulous as I can.He starts getting jealous again but we don't make love anymore and I don't bother too because I am not sure what is he into with this relationship.I dunno what to do...please help because I can't pretend anymore...

I have done all that suggestion and to be honest I am still looks as good as 12years ago as he always admit that.He cannot resists still if man looking at me especially the company I work now I am the only women in the office.It's strange because I still gets compliments from a lot of people even my womens friend,they wish they are in my shoes.They love my natural bronze skin,my hair,my smells and everything but why my husband being so cold with me.He's italian anyway which supposed to be romantic.I know we are not perfect but I am sure he will never find another wife like me.I work fulltime,studying and a mother but our house are always spotless,his clothes always iron and set for a week,food always fresh home cook,bed always change with nice smells and comfortable and even his socks and boxer are iron.What more can I do?

Answer 1

Go on dates together, flirt with him, hold hands, iron his clothes, do a load of his laundry, hide notes through out the house for him to find that say cheesy i love you stuff, take a naughty picture of yourself and send it to him, leave him voicemails during the workday about how much you miss him or that you want him to come home ASAP for a little lovin', put a sexy outfit in his car and ask him to come home from work right away so you can model it for him, wear his favorite shirt or jeans that he likes to see on you...Many things my dear!
He'll start doing some of these things too. You'll have an even better marriage than you did before if you two make an effort to be romantic, and to show how important your spouse is. Have fun with it!
He'll come around, just be patient. You two should read The Proper Care & Feeding of Marriage and The Proper Care & Feeding of Marriage by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. If he won't, you read these! Very good, very harsh, but very real! You can't get more real and to the point than Dr. Laura. You're being a good wife and if you read these you'll be an even better wife! :) Good luck!!

Answer 2

The first thing I would like to say is 12 years is a very long to be married and it takes alot on both ends to keep a marriage as new as it was when you first are married.

I beleive that if you want your marriage to work then you are going to have to forgive him and put that in the back of your mind. Of course it will still be there because it hurt you but you have to leave it there. I would also suggest some serious talking..it sounds like the lines of communication has failed somewhere. I would let him know that something has to change because you are not as secure about your marriage as you once were..and you want to be now. I would suggest with all of this; get into some couples counseling to bridge the gaps that need to be mended. It sounds like you are a fighter so don't give up. Good luck with everything!

Answer 3

Well first of all 12 years is a long time to be with one person so kudos to you and him for that matter. I think you have to try and forgive him first, that would take you back to him physically and emotionally. Then just before he gets back from work make a nice dinner, buy a nice bottle of wine, light some sweet scenting candles, put on some cool calm relaxing music in the background, wear something short and sexy and I guarantee you, you'll have your man back in no time. He’ll appreciate the effort you have made. I think you must both love each other to have been together that long, don't let something like that take away the beautiful thing that you have got. Good luck!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 4

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Answer 5

Sound like my parents.....first of all you have to believe that you will make it work no matter what, hard sometimes but you have to believe. Maybe you should both try do something toether even if its just once a week-like take up a dance class, or yoga or do a sport together, or maybe eat out once a week on a particular day in your favourite restaurant. or go to the cinema, go to a concert, or the theartre. Even setting aside just one evening together once a week you could will be able to maybe work out where there is a problem and begin working on it. You may realise that there some things about eachother that you didn't know like you may like to spend more time with eachother or need to talk more.....try having some heart to heart conversations and maybe you'll both realise some things about eachother that you didn't already know....good luck and just think about how things used to be and what is missing now....perhaps you both need to be more open with eachother or something??


Melissa xxxx

Answer 6

If you are in the UK contact your nearest Relate (Marriage Guidance) branch and buy some of their books. I would recommend "The Relate Guide to Better Relationships" and "The Relate Guide to Sex in Marriage".
You are trying hard, my dear - I only wish my wife would try even half as hard for me. I only hope he is worth it.
I guess the pair of you need to work hard on your friendship with one another first - get that right and the physical side will fall into place. If you no longer trust him that is a big barrier you will need to overcome - equally if he is consumed with jealousy that could also be a major barrier to your relationship. Will he go to a Relate cousellor with you?

Answer 7

love notes or things that you can't wait to do ; in the medicine cabinet ; in a sock ; in a pants pocket etc; front seat of his car; a song left on his cell phone; a little lace showing; some perfume on the back of your neck on his pillow; I tell my friends that you first have to know how to romance yourself; light candles; soft sweet music; when you feel sexy ; you will project that ; meet me ticket; meet me here or there?? ; get sexy with yourself ; leave your bra somewhere for him ; a nice one; and then leave him a note; lost my bra ; can you help me find it??? so many ways ; sounds like your feminine sexy side got lost; find it ; if he doesn't appreciate it ; move on but at least you sexy self back in the process; life is too short to sell your self short; get your sexy groove back !!!!

P.S. I don't think that you need to forgive him but rather pay attention to you!!! He broke the trust, he crossed the line; you can't do your job and his; he is the one that should be wining and dining you ; if he isn't , you may look to move on and find that person who is just that into you!! Don't settle for less than you deserve ; the life clock is ticking ; you only go by once , don't waste time on someone who isn't mature enough to talk to you; romance you with love notes etc; don't sell yourself short; .; you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink; God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. ..

Answer 8

Before you can "Bring back the flame" You have to decide if you can FORGIVE his affair....and yes that is what it was....it makes no difference if they had sex or not....texting romantic letters to ANYONE other than your partner is cheating. As you said you have lost your trust in him....and personally I don't blame you one bit. Him saying that "he changed because I never been honest with him with my financial" is a cop out and he is trying to blame YOU for his cheating. It takes a VERY big person to forgive an affair......I know I could never do it....but unless you can get past that....then there will be no flames.
I wish you luck

Answer 9

IF HE HAVE SUMONE THAT HE IS INTEREST HIM THAT WILL BE A PROBLEM IF YOU PUT ON THE PRETTIEST DRESS SHORTEST SHORTS AND THE HIGHEST HEEL AND IT WONT MEAN A THING BUT IF YOU A NICE WOMAN MAYBE YOU CAN MOVE ON AND FIND SUM ONE ELSE MAYBE YOU SHOULD JUST MOVE ON EITHER YOU GOING TO LET IT GO SO NO MATTER WHAT HE DO YOU WILL NEVER FEEL THE SAME OR NO MATTER WHAT HE TRY TO DO TO MAKE IT THE SAME SO THEN YOU ASK YOUR SELF CAN I GO BACK AND CHANGE HIM AND YOU SAY NO THEN THATS WHEN YOU REALIZE IT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME

Answer 10

Talk to your husband, let him know what bothers you, what you miss about him, and what you feel....then you can do the seducing after matters are cleared. Try also to forgive him if you really love him and make him aware the you trust him completely.
Its not easy to make men talk but if you both don't then nothing will be clear between you. He can't read minds, neither can you.