I realize that some of the problems in my marriage are my own fault and I could work harder to solve them. However, the things I have brought up are legitimate concerns to me and I feel like they are being ignored. Thinks like private time together and her listening and at least being sympathetic towards my feelings. Should I lower my expectations of what I want from my wife?
2007-02-07 12:10:55 · 16 answers · asked by Thunderman9 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Absolutely not, your wife is supposed to be your best friend and be the one person that you can turn to when you have something you need to talk about and she should be there for you to help you through your hard times at work or whatever the problem be. She is your rock, and vise versa. You can't just let things like that slide, because it will only get worse, and you will eventually lose communication completely, like all these couples you see on these talk shows, and divorce court. Remember when you guys were just dating, what was it that made you attracted to her and what was it that made you fall in love, I know it wasn't because she wasn't there for you and didn't communicate with you. Talk to her about it. I know she loves you enough to try harder at it and keep you both happy.
2007-02-07 12:16:14 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You want private time? Wow!--if a husband brings this up to his wife she should be jumping at the chance. Perhaps you're not on the same page. Does your wife interpret your request for private time as just a request for sex or for true intimacy which may or may not include sex? I understand feeling ignored in a relationship is a lousy feeling.. It seems that you both are feeling that legitimate concerns are being ignored. You sound like a decent, sensitive, caring guy. Hang in there. Don't lower your expectations. A great marriage is well worth the work. It does take work. Perhaps counseling will be able to bring the two of you to where you need to be. Even the greatest marriages need help from time to time. All the best.
2007-02-07 13:33:13 · answer #2 · answered by Loki 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Treat her the way you want to be treated.. You show her how to do what you want her to do for you. You spend private time with her doing things that she likes to do. Make her feel special. Romance her. Listen to her when she talks and then you talk to her too. Communication between the 2 of you is important. Be sympathetic and understanding to how she feels and trust me she will return the favor once she sees it coming from you. She should also want the same things from you that you want from her. Do not lower your expectations in this marriage but also try to meet some of hers as well... what are her expectations and hopes for this marriage. You should both work on making each other happy with what you do. being unselfish and giving is the key here to opening the other person up. You may also need marriage counseling and help for the marriage to. I also recommend a great book for the both of you to read together calle the five love languages by Gary Chapman. It is a great book and one that is very helpful. Another great book of his is The Four Seasons of Marriage. Please check these books out as they may be helpful. I feel your marriage is worth working on and bettering. I will be praying for you and for you marriage.
http://www.marriagetoday.org
http://www.drphil.com
2007-02-07 12:16:25 · answer #3 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The reason the WW2 generation had a lower divorce rate is because women stayed home to work and did not ususally have outside jobs. They also cared for the kids without all the stress of daycare. Then throw in the fact that the man was the head of the house for those very reasons. Now, a woman has a full time workforce job and she has a second full time job when she gets home. The best thing you can do is have your spouse share in the chores and child care at home.
2016-03-15 08:59:23 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Until you stated the gender of your mate, I thought you were a wife complaining about her husband. It's really sad that your wife seems devoid of sufficient communication, empathy and perception of your needs. Women are responders to their environment (the way her man treats her), and it is curious that she seems rathar neutral to your needs. I would suggest spending more fun time together like you did when you dated, counseling, new church, perhaps even new friends. She seems distant and removed and you need to find out why and close that gap. If you don't, she will look for an EXCUSE to leave you - don't allow her that opportunity. Work on your marriage with all of your energy. If you suspect that she is "wandering", then get a detective to check into it - but don't just give up if bad news comes of it - still seek to pull her back into the fold (of your arms). Get her attention - get her affection. Now!
020707 7:18
2007-02-07 12:18:10 · answer #5 · answered by YRofTexas 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you should lower your expectations of marriage. Everyone has a level of expectations and I think that when you meet that special someone, you'll know if those expectations are going to be met, or if you'll have to adjust your level of thinking.
2007-02-07 13:05:13 · answer #6 · answered by Special K 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get a copy of the book "The Proper Care & Feeding of Marriage" and raise your expectations.
Dr. Laura now focuses on how men and women need to understand and appreciate the uniqueness of masculinity and femininity; what the best ways to relate, caretake, and nurture each other are; and how to bring a marriage back from the brink of disaster.
In order to produce and sustain a wonderfully satisfying marriage, spouses must recognize and appreciate the polarity between the masculine and the feminine. Both husband and wife have power in the relationship, and each needs to realize this in order to ensure personal satisfaction.
2007-02-07 12:14:42 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Never. You need to remember that it isn't about you anymore, you always put your spouse first on your list-even above your children. She needs to be putting you first and thinking about your feelings.
You and your wife need to read The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands and The Proper Care & Feeding of Marriage by Dr. Laura Schlessinger.
I can guarantee you your marriage will do a 180.
2007-02-07 12:20:29 · answer #8 · answered by SillyKimmie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why do you have expectations? SHE IS ALREADY YOU'RE WIFE ... you should have chosen a woman within you're expectation before you even chose to marry her ... why lower your expectations now and try to change her ... that is not a good move honey
2007-02-07 17:35:19 · answer #9 · answered by majal_lu 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no not at all I always take my husband's feelings to heart.I did not do this at first because i was so angry at life not him.But now that i see he is there for me no matter what I do everything to take care of him and make him happy and I have hurt him but I do everything to make up for it and show him how much he is loved and respected and expect nothing in return other than love from him......never settle for less than what you want in life or you will regret it
2007-02-07 12:22:52 · answer #10 · answered by samwise25 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋