How likely that people get back together after a break?

Question

I love my gf very much. We've been living together for almost 2 years now. I know she has been going out for lunch and spending time with a male co-worker. We fight about this a lot. She keeps saying she loves me, and it's only a friendship thing with this guy, but it still bothers me. Last night, during an argument, she admitted that even though he has a bad crush on her; but she doesn't like him. She's just having fun with a friend; it doesn't mean nothing to her. I want her to stop, but she refuses. I want to take a break for a while to show her that I mean business, but I don't want to break up with her. I love her too much. So, my question is that do people get back together after a break, or once they go on break, it's a permanent thing. I don't want to lose her.

Answer 1

I can't give you statistics to answer your question. Maybe some of the following will be helpful anyway.

Taking a break from your girlfriend might be interpreted by her as a bitter power play and could backfire. Be prepared for that possible consequence.

This work friend has obviously been a sore subject between you. Perhaps she really isn't interested in the friend, but the more you push her, the more likely she is to continue wanting to see him. She may interpret your actions and concern as you trying to control her.

It sounds as if you do not trust your girlfriend, and that in itself is a big issue. If this situation is making you miserable, then perhaps the best thing for you to do is to go your separate ways. It will undoubtedly hurt you, but you aren't feeling very good now and your girlfriend is probably tired of fighting with you about this person. If this pattern continues, you will probably end up splitting anyway. What makes it more complicated is your living arrangement. You can't just decide to not "date" your girl for a month or two. You have a common roof and all of the benefits and trappings.

The friendship your girl has with this guy may truly be what she sees as a harmless situation. However, she probably likes the attention from him, even if she has no interest in him. He might be making her feel special in a way that you may not (things change after 2 years under the same roof). If he senses that things are rocky at home, he may just be hanging out, waiting for an opportunity. It's a sticky situation. You have a right to express your concerns, but you don't have a right to try and control who she spends time with. That will make her resentful and will likely may make the fun, uncomplicated times with her friend all the more appealing.

I can tell you from my own experience that at one time, I had a close male friend whose company I thoroughly enjoyed (he also had a crush on me, but I did not return the interest and he knew it). Hanging out with my friend did not change my feelings for my boyfriend. If anything, I loved the fact that we were so secure that I could have a male friend and a great relationship with my boyfriend. I appreciated them both for what they offered.They were both important parts of my social life. We all got along really well, probably because my boyfriend was able to see that my friend was no threat at all. I was friends with the friend before I met my boyfriend, so that probably made it a bit easier in some respects. My friend is now married (my boyfriend and I went to his wedding and double-dated before then!) and has kids, so I don't really see him much. I miss him, but always think fondly of the times we spent. I am now married to my boyfriend and we both talk about MY friend who became OUR friend and the fun times we all had.

On the flip side, when I was younger (barely 20) I had a male friend who I really liked, in fact, I liked him much better than my then boyfriend but could not figure out (being immature and spineless) how to break up with my boyfriend. I was with my boyfriend when I met the friend (we had briefly crossed paths in high school, so he wasn't a stranger). It caused real problems. My boyfriend was very jealous and felt very threatened. I did not ever cheat, but I might as well have for how lousy the situation made me feel. I knew that I didn't want to be with my boyfriend, but I couldn't end it. My friend and I always kept it as a friendship until after I finally broke it off with the boyfriend, but until the split, I was miserable and so were they. If my boyfriend at that time had given me an out by wanting to take a break, I would have felt bad but relieved and jumped at the chance to get out of the relationship. I felt bad for hurting my boyfriend, but did not have the maturity to suck it up and deal with a split. I don't see either of the guys now (a little sad about the friend, although it's okay, and totally relieved about the ex-boyfriend!). It got more complicated than I will get into here, but suffice to say, it was an odd time in my life and full of silly drama.

I guess the short answer is to be careful. If you are truly threatened by this friend, you either need to check yourself for issues, or you may be responding to a perfectly legitimate hinky feeling about the friend and his place in your girlfriend's life. Obviously, I don't know you or your girl, so I can't be the gauge for your relationship.

I wish you luck. Whatever happens, try to keep a level head. I'm sure that you do love your girlfriend. Try to remember that there are others out there who may be a great fit for you too. Sometimes the complex relationships we get into that cause us such turmoil (and seem so earth-shattering) are wonderful learning experiences for later life. I can attest to that.

Good luck.

Answer 2

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Answer 3

If you don't want to lose her then don't break up with her. Who's going to be her shoulder to cry on when you leave? The other guy is. The guy who is "just a friend". If you take a break then he will more than likely become more than just a friend. But on the other end if thegf really loved you she should not refuse to stop seeing him. But alot of women don't like to be told what to do. Your not her father, you get more respect when you give it. Don't make such a bid deal out of the lunch dates and it may stop being an issue. Just let your gf know you feel like it's disrespectful to continue to see this other guy when she knows that he likes her and he should know that she is with you. OR turn it around and start having your own lunch dates...I'm sure she'd love that.

Answer 4

You need to kick her out of your place and she needs to find somewhere else to live. You two are shacking up and that is very unhealthy if you plan on having a relationship. You two don't have a strong committment to each other, other than the fact that you are living together. You need to work on your relationship, stay together another year or two, get engaged, get married and THEN move in together. She's doing this because she is taking advantage of your relationship and doesn't feel the need to stop since you two aren't seriously committed-and living together isn't helping!
I got back together with my husband after our separation, but it had nothing to do with a male "friend." If she refuses, then let her go. Why wouldn't you want to lose her? She's out spending time and running around with another man! It's not right!

Answer 5

I'm sorry she's put you in this situation. You need to sit her down and explain without yelling or agruing how you feel and tell her you feel uncomftorable with her hanging out with him. Ask her how she'd feel if she was in your situation and remember don't argue with her. If she starts to argue or refuses to listen to your side, you need to kiss her softly. Tell her you love her and always will, but that you can't go on with your relationship feeling like she doesn't care enough about you to end this fantasy (which is what it is). She may not be sleeping with him, but chances are she just really likes feeling special since he has a crush on her - make since? - and then you need to walk away and go to bed. See what happens the next day. If she acts no different start looking for another place to live and tell her you need a seperation.
hopefully this will work, if it doesn't I can't guarantee that she'll come back to you once you leave but you can't live your life this way.
Good luck and I wish you only the best.

Answer 6

if you were my boyfriend and you told me that you weren't comfortable about my lunches with a co-worker and i know that it's eating you up...then i would probably stop seeing this co-worker. because as my boyfriend i want you to trust me and i want to spend time with you. and if something that i am doing is hurting you then i will try to make you feel better. "having fun" with the male friend is not as important as making my boyfriend feel loved. i can always have fun with girlfriends and guyfriends that i know does not have a possibility of developing a crush on me.

Answer 7

Almost no chance, bro. Here's a good analogy: When you take milk out of the refrigerator and it's spoiled... what do you do? Do you put it back and hope it's good tomorrow? Hell no? You throw it out!

My opinion: It might be a rough choice, but you will either have to... 1) trust that what she is telling you is the truth; or 2) call it quits before you further the relationship.

Good luck!

Answer 8

If she does not respect you enough to compromise then leave her anyway man. I can tell you from many relationships like this that you are only prolonging the inevitable. If she continues a friendship with someone who is "into" her, she is leading him on, screwing you over, or more than likely, both. Tell her how you feel again and if that does not help, walk away.

Answer 9

She just likes the attention he's giving her. She doesn't care about your feelings, it seems. I think, if I were you, I'd find another girlfriend or else find a female coworker of your own to go out with on occasion. Don't let her abuse you like this. She'll just break your heart later.

Hey, I'm single, if you want a new girlfriend! ;-)

Answer 10

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