It just comes to my natural senses that you make love to the person you love. What about swingers, what are they/you are looking for when they/you swing?
Is there something I am missing out?
2007-02-07 11:28:12 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Argggggggggggggh..to those who swing....
It is just ...can't even imagine it....
2007-02-07 15:06:06 · update #1
Why are you concerned about whom people have sex with? Isn't that up to them to decide what's right for them?
You want others to decide what kind of sex is right for you and your partner?
2007-02-07 11:45:10 · answer #1 · answered by radical4capitalism 3 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Because Sex and Love are often 2 different things to some (ALOT) of people.
They are able feel SECURE in their relationships, know that even though their loved one is having sex with someone else, it doesn't mean that their husband/wife DOESN'T LOVE THEM. They do, but they are secure enough (i.e., not jealous) and therefore trust their better half being intimate with others. They realize that by trusting them, they are in fact adding to their relationship and showing their lover/husband/wife that they should feel secure enough with them to feel that they can be with them forever. Whereas a jealous couple might drive each other away by always charging one was doing something the other wasn't, this couple would be proud and share so that the other would feel secure in knowing where they were in case of trouble.
2007-02-07 19:46:30 · answer #2 · answered by AdamKadmon 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
One thing that people can't seem to fathom is that we don't do it out of a lack of love. Indeed, not even IN SPITE of love. We do it BECAUSE we love one another enough to give him or her this kind of gift.
What was the best thing about being single? And what was the worst? I'll bet the best part was the fun...going out with friends, partying, dressing up, feeling sexy, flirting and revelling in your sexuality... Fun, wasn't it? According to tradition, it is usual and customary to kill this part of yourself as a sacrificial wedding gift to your new spouse...thereby proving just how much you are willing to give up to be with him or her.
Anyway, my guess is that the worst part of being single was going home alone, with your shirt on inside out and your skirt on backwards, drunk...and feeling pretty empty.
The cool thing about swinging is that you get to have all the above-mentioned fun...but you don't ever have to go home and feel alone and lonely. Instead, you're still totally turned on! You're ready for round 2! And 3, 4, 5...
The experience you had with other people was like foreplay. For us, sex has nothing to do with love. Sex is merely a bodily function and a powerful tool that we use to EXPRESS love. It does not constitute love itself. Sex is so common. And love is not. Sex is not worthy of being put on the same pedestal as love, yet people worship sex! Sacred? Holy? Pure? Nah, it's just body parts rubbing together. It's the attitude with which it is done. What about rape? Is rape holy and sacred? Seems pretty stupid to ask, doesn't it? But it IS sex... If you want to apply 'ifs', 'ands' or 'buts' to one expression of sex, then it should be applied across the board. It's not the "what"; it's the "why" and "how".
Another thing I'd like to mention is that it's a common misconception that we turn off our emotions and become self-absorbed robots who are desensitized to the needs and feelings of others because of our "rampant, out-of-control, hedonistic sexual urges". If there is no respect, it's not swinging. I don't know WHAT you would call it, but it sure as hell isn't swinging. People are respected as people first and foremost. Relationships and their boundaries are deeply respected. And equally importantly, we respect ourselves and our own spouses. It's because we are able to discern between love and sex that we are able to become friends with our playmates without worrying that our emotions will get away from us. It's just two completely separate issues. We're no more likely to fall in love with a swing partner than we would with our golfing partner, or bridge partner. It's just apples and oranges.
Idiots? Know nothing about love?? I beg to differ.
EDIT>> To the OP: I'm guessing by your additional details that you're anti-lifestyle and that's that. Well...thanks for the 2 points anyway!
2007-02-07 23:14:30 · answer #3 · answered by intuition897 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It isn't for me, but I do have friends who swing. They are in love with each other, have been married for ten years, but believe that having sex with other people keeps the home fires burning. I would rather keep my relationship solo, and if the home fires die down a little, so be it. But to each his own, right?
2007-02-07 19:39:16 · answer #4 · answered by Beth B 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
it keeps things hot at home. There are things that you don't get at home, that you buy at the store, it's the same thing. in my own opinion. my husband and i swing occasionally, he has his preferences, i have mine. we're both happy with each other, so it's not a big deal. if one of us got emotional over something or someboy, then that's a different story......
2007-02-07 20:26:40 · answer #5 · answered by MONIQUE v 1 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I agree with Adam...as a woman, I know the diff between love and sex...its not the same...my bf is a great love maker, but when i want some all out hard core growling, biting, bruising sex, he won't do it...so I get my gf to come do it ;) He gets to watch, enjoys every minute of it, and I get off too OOOOHHHH boy do I get off :)
2007-02-07 19:55:30 · answer #6 · answered by ivy_trick_mess 4 · 1⤊ 3⤋
I agree. People who do those things simply don't know the first thing about being in love because they are really just falling in bed.
2007-02-07 19:30:31 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
they just like to push the envelope. what's going to happen if they get divorced? the husband cheated on the wife and visa versa. give me a break. they do it because they are idiots.
2007-02-07 19:56:18 · answer #8 · answered by lynnie 3 · 2⤊ 3⤋
We do not "make love" to those we swing with. We have sex with them.
There is a huge difference between the sex my wife and I have together and the sex we have with others. We "make love" to each other. We also "have sex" with each other. With others we simply "have sex". It's the difference between having sex with someone you've been on three dates with and the sex you have with someone you've fallen truly in love with. Anyone who's done this knows the difference I am talking about.
Sex with my wife (whom I not only love deeply, but am also passionately in love with) is soul sex. It's not only erotic, it's the kind of sex that recharges your soul. It's the kind of sex that afterward makes you all mushy and emotional. It's the kind of sex that makes you feel like you can't get close enough to your spouse even if you could crawl inside them.
Sex with other's isn't like that. It's just physical. There isn't the emotion. It's just erotic fun. That's all.
Some people can separate love and sex, or sex from love. Others think that because they want to have sex with someone that they are in love with them. I'm not saying either is better than the other, it's just different attitudes toward love and the role sex plays in it.
People are different, therefore the same way of living isn't right for everyone. Your particular way of approaching love and life won't work for someone else. It doesn't make either way wrong, it just makes them different. Nothing more, nothing less. The problem lies in when people get arrogant and judgmental of others because they don't live the way they do; like theirs is the only "right way" to live.
What are we looking for when we swing? Fun. That's it. Exploring our sex life and fantasies together. Everyone has fantasies. Some of us just have the emotional make-up and relationship strength to live them out together.
Others never admit them to their spouse and either repress their fantasies or seek to do it outside their marriage behind their spouse's back. Believe me, we get lots of emails on our swinger profile from married men trying to use us for this exact purpose. It's always the same old story, too: "I love my wife but we just don't a) have enough sex, or b) she's not exciting in bed." Well, swinging isn't about cheating, it's about honesty with yourself AND your spouse, so these men get nowhere with us. Swingers don't cheat on each other and most all of them won't help anyone else do it either. Besides, our life isn't about drama, why would we want to introduce it to someone else's and possibly ours by being stalked by a jealous wife?
What swinging is about is allowing and loving your spouse to be who they are, whether it is regarding sex or not. It's about being secure enough in ourselves and our relationship and love for each other that we don't have to ask each other to change or stop being who they are just because it makes us uncomfortable.
Everyone has heard someone say "Oh yeah, he's/she's that way, but that'll change when we get married." Well, we don't ask each other to change. We fell in love with a certain person and why would we want them to change into another? This isn't just about sex, it's about everything in a relationship that an insecure person might see as a threat.
For instance: I am a avid motorcyclist and ride both street bikes and I am an amateur road racer. So I ride to work everyday as well as go 150+ on a racetrack. So I hear from guys all the time "I'd love to get a bike... but my wife won't let me have one." Why won't his wife let him have one? The answer? Because her love for herself is greater than her love for him. HER comfort and security is more important to her than HIS interests, dreams, and needs. So "protecting" him is just a cloak for protecting herself. Jealousy is insecurity, and in jealousy there is more self-love than love.
Well, my wife doesn't feel that way. Although she worries about me she also knows that this is part of who I am. I did this before we met, and it'd be wrong to ask me to stop because we're married now. She'd be robbing me of something that makes me, me... just to satisfy her insecurities about the possibility of me getting hurt.
Sex is the same way for us. My wife was this wonderful, sexual person when we met, and it was one of the things that attracted me to her. Why would I ask her to change that about herself? She loves me, regardless of how many lovers she had in the past. And the same for my feelings toward her. But, people worry that if their spouse has sex with someone else that they will leave them if the other person is "better" or "bigger" or whatever. They don't realize that the reason this person married them was because of THEM, not their sex organ. And no one else is THEM. Period. That's how it is with us. We know why we love each other, and it's not just great sex. We are soul mates. We can have good sex with anyone, but we can't what we do together day-in and day-out with anyone else.
I hope all this rambling made some sense.
2007-02-08 12:29:28 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Because men are men. Gay men are men. Men are men. We like to screw. Love is an emotion. Sex is a genital sneeze.
2007-02-07 23:01:19 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋