I think I am falling out of love, but something is telling me that this isn't it?

Question

I've been with this guy for 3 years, I'm 17 we've had on and offs but it's been non stop for a year and a half now and since the last 5 months we've become a long distance relationship because he has moved. we were fine untill just before xmas I got meaningless little doubts that I ignored and things were still ok but because I only get to see him every 2 weeks in the last month these doubts have really been playing in my mind and things have spiralled out of control, when I've seen him in the last 5 weeks (twice) it's been ok, but not brilliant, not a spark and not as much connection. It has been really upsetting me and I can't help thinking about old times and why it's going like this an analysing the situation till my brain pops out. At first I thought this was a phase but now I keep seeing the bad things in him and irritating things about him and I don't feel as connected to him, I feel that maybe the distance and age is making us drift apart, but I know that I care about him and..

...care about him but when I am away from him I contemplate the thought as to whether I would miss him and whether I am still in love and I feel numb, and then when I see him things seem to be comfortable and we get along but I havent been as interested in "certain activities" if you get me, but when I have to leave his place I don't want to go cos I am having a good time with him, but I don't feel we have as much in common anymore and that we're maybe growing apart, but I don't want that, cos I understand that relationships honey moon period ends and that you have to work at it and go past the doubts if you love someone deeply, but although that's what I really want to do - the distance makes that hard. Has anyone been through something like this?and does this really mean this is the end or can this be saved?Can you fall out love then realise things and miss them and go back?Can you work at things when things get to this stage?Can you work past the things that irritate you abuot them?

forgot to mention, that I think it is is just me feeling like this as he seems still enthusiastic about the relationship and is acting the same towards me as he always has done but seems concerned about how I have been recently.

Answer 1

Follow your heart and your mind

Answer 2

At your age, this kind of relationship really doesn't have any legs. I understand you may want to defend this "love" with all your heart, but it is a very difficult situation any way you want to look at it. You're young, there's distance between you, and you have dozens of side-responsibilities which would only inadequatly nurture the relationship. Human beings are complex in the sense they can reach particular situations which should not be deemed as right or wrong, black or white, and you have reached one. But this doesn't mean you "Love" him, or that you should stay with him.
Bottom line is, you can leave someone and still have feelings for them. It happens all the time. And if things have only slowly deteriorated to an "okay" level, then the relationship is more on "friend" status than anything else. Now you're just being stubborn about bringing it down a notch. But that is exactly what you must do.

Answer 3

Oh trust me girl...I know exactly how you feel. Ive been with my boyfriend for four years and have just recently started going through the same exact thing that your going through.
Im going to give you the advice that i give myself every day, the advice that i know is right, but i havent gotten up the courage to take. Hopefully you will be stronger than me and able to follow it.
You are so young sweety, if you have been in a serious relationship since you were 14, then youve never been single before. This is such an important thing to be able to experince, especially now as your getting older and are going to go off to college. You dont want to look back years from now and think that you missed out on being young by settling into a relationship too fast.
The key word that i used is settling, do you feel as though you are settling for him? You said that you have nagging doubts, well either you can dismiss these doubts as stupid or you can come to understand what they really are, your gut telling you that something is not right. Deep down we know what is good for us and what isnt, and even when we dont WANT to believe it our brain heart and gut will still send us little messages. heed these messages!
He might be the most amazing guy in the whole world, i have no doubt about it. But just because someone is amazing doesnt mean they are the right person for you or it is the right time for you. There are lots of amazing guys out there. When you are with the one that is right for you YOU WILL FEEL IT. And you wont feel like you are falling out of love, or feel compelled to question your relationship, or have nagging doubts.
I know right now you feel as though it is the fault of the distance. But the distance only showed you things that you couldnt see when you were always together.
Just know, whatever happens you will be okay and happy and whatever is meant to happen will happen. The only way to make a wrong decison is to one day look back and wish that you didnt waste your time. If you break up and decide later that you want to get back together and he is really right for you, then if it is meant to be it will happen. The break will just have been a good growing experince for you too.
It will be so hard in the begining, so scary, and so hard. three years is not a joke, especially at such a young age, so it will be a really difficult transition. Even if you have fully fallen out of love, you will still miss the companionship.
But be brave!
Go out and look for that something that is missing.
Go out and be single and discover yourself. Find out what it feels like to only have to answer to yourself.
Find out what it feels like to not have any nagging doubts and to b be sure.
You will be ok. You will fall in love again.
It sounds so romantic to meet your first love at 14 and then be together forever, but sometimes it just doesnt happen. Sometimes its ok to love and then for it to end and for you to move on, just as long as you learned from it.
Do not feel guilty for feeling the way you feel. Arent you glad you realized something wrong now than when your married with 4 kids?
As long as you know that you tried and you did what you could do, there is nothing wrong for searching for the "right" feeling and for THE SPARK.
As girls we try so hard to put others first and make others happy, but i firmly believe this is a situation that you should be selfish and do what will make you happy.
Be brave, good luck, and i hope i can take my own advice as well.

Answer 4

having gone through long distance stuff, youre better off taking a break. relaxing, dealing w you for awhile. if in 6 months you still feel same get back together, arrange to go to school together,whatever. or else dont put yourself through the roller coaster at your age. not worth it. youre thinking too much about it.step back.if hes the one he'll be the one in the future too.

Answer 5

I don't care if you hate him, but PLEASE read his book....
Relationship Rescue by Dr. Phil
This is an excellent book that I personally have read. It will really help you think and come to conclusions about whats going on with the two of you. And get to the core of things. I wouldn't give up until you've tried everything. Then you can say, "I tried"
Please get this book! Good luck!

Answer 6

Girl, I am 32 and from experience, follow your mind, your hart sends mixed signals to the brain, but whatever the brain says do it!

Answer 7

just get on with ur life, if u keep thinking about this guy then ur thoughts will be hawire .say this isn't working out or something

Answer 8

posh kitten is ABSOLUTELY speaking the truth...

Answer 9

its your decision and feelings that can help you