Hi! Me and my husband got married 1and 1/2 years ago and before we got marry(dated for 6 years) and for 6 months after our marriage, he'd always said the words, "I love you" and tell me how much he loves me but now, i don't hear those words anymore. I mean, besides not saying anything related to his love for me, he still treats me the same...its just that i feel like there is something about me or him that is making him not have the feelings to say them anymore...he has always mentioned them before, but why stop now? Now, if he ever says it to me, which would be like weeks to months, it's just a short and quick, "love ya!" and never with the same soft voice that used to sound so believable.
I really want to find out if there is anything wrong but i don't want to make him think that i want or need him to say those words to me because if he starts to say it after this, it just won't feel special and like he really means it. Is there any other way around it? Or is this just normal?
2007-02-07 11:02:44 · 21 answers · asked by Joyfully 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Hi. Im a recently married man (Dec 9, 2006). One of the things that happens alot is that as a man we tend to slack off and really dont realize that things that small actually does matter to you. Listen its been a struggle between me and my wife and getting to know her. One thing i could advise you is that you let him know that you like it when he says that to you, from there hope for the best that he continues to do it. But remember a most important factor, we really dont know that the small things mean so much, especially when you dont tell us. I tell my wife that the best way for me to love her is for her to teach me. I didnt ralize that the small stuff ment so much to her, and know our relationship is growing stronger. Just remember its okey to express yourself on how to be loved. Just think when your intimate you tell your husband exactly what turns you on, in the same way tell your husband how you want to be loved. From there it should come naturally to him if he's willing to learn. I wish blessings upon your your lives. God Bless.
2007-02-07 11:50:42 · answer #1 · answered by gilholycross 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not a husband, but I have been in a 7 year relationship........and I just had an epiphany that I am going through the same thing you are. Generally most guys honestly don't realize that even after a few years, women still want to know, not assume, that they are truly loved. Truly. Maybe he just needs "inspired" and not necassarily what you may think that I'm implying......or maybe. Spice it up! Has the relationship become repititous? Are either of you stressed?.....you may not realize it. Are each of you the same person you fell in love with. C'mon, you know you can make this work........just use your womanly intuition. You gals are like psychic or something. Good luck.
2007-02-07 19:19:41 · answer #2 · answered by Shariff J 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a great problem, and the answer is simple. You've created a reasonable happy husband. Yes, he is taking everything for granted, and is only vaguely aware of almost everything. Not that that is a bad thing. He's just relaxing, and getting comfortable with marriage and his life with you. He almost certainly is crazy about you, he just isn't as aware of it as he used to be. It's a guy thing. Get us a "new car" and we want to drive it everywhere. Six months later, we just drive it, and no longer really notice all the stuff we loved when we ordered the car, not that we aren't still enjoying the smooth transmission, and the responsive, finely tuned engine. We just no longer notice all the time. He treats you like he loves you, and likes you too. Girl, that's "guy" for "I love you." Settle for a guy that loves you, even though he isn't saying it.
2007-02-07 20:05:20 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't necessarily means that there is something wrong. Every marriage goes through something like that. In my marriage I always told my wife that I loved her and ended up cheating. So not saying doesn't prove anything. Is there a way around it? Yes. Next time you two make love, tell him that the password is "I love you" and he must mean it like he used to. Not only it breaks the ice, it sends a message that you need to hear it more often. And you know that men will saying anything to have sex. Just make sure you tell him you need to hear it more often.
2007-02-07 19:12:21 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I don't really know your circumstances, but as for me and my wife...I started out always telling her I love her. But she would always get upset because she said she doesn't need to hear those words all the time, as they are just words, and she brought up the song More Than Words, by Extreme. I still said it for quite a while, but when I started seeing that my words were not appreciated or cherished, I didn't say it as often. It hurts me to not be able to tell her I love her and have her radiate with joy, but I guess we all have certain sacrifices we need to make in a relationship.
My suggestion would be to make a point to always tell him tenderly that you love him. Be patient with it and believe that he will come around.
2007-02-07 19:20:50 · answer #5 · answered by Guvo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can be the first to say it. After getting married, the romance dies a little, but you have to work to keep it going. Plan a romantic night for him, just the two of you. Go on a date and get away from the distractions of your everyday life. See if that helps.
2007-02-07 19:07:15 · answer #6 · answered by lovebeans 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him about what you are feeling about everything. He needs to hear you and to know where you are coming from. Ask him why he does not tell you that he loves you anymore? Tell him you are hurt by this. Communicate to him and this may open him up to talk with you about it as well. I dont know if there is something wrong or not. Seek marriage counseling if need be. Write him a letter if you are not comfortable talking with him about it.
http://www.marriagetoday.org
http://www.drphil.com
2007-02-07 19:19:10 · answer #7 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is normal to go for a time without either saying the words...as long as the actions show love then I wouldn't push it....but do say it to him? Maybe you should try that....I know every know and then when something significant or nothing at all happens in our lives, my husband will suddenly look at me and say...I think I've fallen in love with you all over again....it hit right to my core everytime it happens....good luck
2007-02-07 19:08:36 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know, you can't have everything. If you need to hear it then you are going to have to tell him. You need to explain that he needs to find a way to tell you with feeling and in his own words. There is no magic way here for you to get it the way that you want it. There's no little fairy that's going to whisper it into his ear so that you don't have to feel like it wasn't all his own idea.
It's Okay for him to get the idea from you. Just know that each individual time he says it, it is coming from him.
2007-02-07 19:46:56 · answer #9 · answered by Ande 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you can ask total strangers such a personal question, you should be able to ask your husband. And why wouldn't it feel "special" anymore? Goodness, just talk to him about it, let him know how you feel, and get it out of your mind that the "specialness" will be gone, and you will feel "special" again when he says "I love you" like you want him to.
2007-02-07 19:44:19 · answer #10 · answered by littlevivi 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋