Poems what do you think of this?...Honestly...?

Question

I made a wish
I made a wish to be with you
I looked down
I saw a penny
I saw a penny on the gravel
I made a wish
I made a wish to be with you
I looked to the right
I saw birthday candles
I saw birthday candles on a pink cake
I made a wish
I made a wish to be with you
I looked to the left
I saw a dandelion
I saw a dandelion on the lawn
I made a wish
I made a wish to be with you
I look straight ahead
I see you
I see you right here in front of me
I made a wish
I made a wish and it came true

CHANGE
You told me to change,
To be more like her
You told me to smile
to smile like her
You told me to laugh
to laugh like her
You told me to love you
to love you like she did
You told me you loved me
but you really loved her

here is more...
After the brake up
After the brake up…
I still wish to see u coming up
After the brake up…
I want to open my eyes and look u up,
just to see your eyes one more time
After the brake up...
I wait the phone to ring yet fearing its not you on the other end I don’t pick up
After the brake up...
To the moon I look up and I wonder will u ever come back
After the brake up…
I know u are not coming back
After the brake up…
After the brake up…

You!!

When I see you my knees get weak,
I don’t remember how to talk,
I don’t remember how to walk,
My words get mumbled,
My brain gets jumbled,
All I could do,
Is look up and stare at you.

DO YOU CARE
You told me you like me
You told me you cared
You told me to smile
and you’ll always be there

You said to laugh
And you’ll laugh too
But in the end I’ll
laugh without you.

I wish
I wish I could let you could know how it feel
to be so alone in the world even though you have so many friends and there are so many people around you.
I wish I could let you could know how it feels
to see little kids playing and think of how you and I used to do the same.
I wish I could let know how it feels
to have you as a friend and yet not being able to talk to you everyday.
I wish I could let know how it feels
to trust someone so much and
to let them go, because you have to move away.
I wish I could let you know
How much you’ve touched my heart
as we were growing up… through the ages.
I wish I could let you know
but I cant…
I don’t want you to worry.

I really

I really don’t know what to do.
Should I like him,
Should I like you?
I really don’t know what to do.

I really don’t know what to think’
Should I talk,
Should I blink?
I really don’t know what to think.

BEST FRIENDS FOR NEVER
I thought we were best friends forever
I guess that means never
We shared secrets and laughs
We never got in fights and showed each other our wraths
Sleepovers were the best
But apparently I'm just second best
You gave me the cold shoulder and the evil eye
And the whole time I kept wondering why?
Soon, you kicked me out of the group
Somehow I was just out of the loop
I know how you talked bad about me
Those hurtful words stung like the stinger of a bee
Finally, I realized that you weren’t worth all my tears and time
So, now here you go, I’m over it, and all you got was this rhyme.

To:Bleuwolf
yes i am a teenager...but of coures i couldnt really put any ,'s or .'s because of the lenght they give us to type...

Answer 1

As a published poet, I must say that I don't think much of these poems. They are lacking sophistication. What you need to do with them is cut out the "weak" words, words that don't add meaning to the poem. Honestly when I read this I feel condescended to because of all the explanation. Poetry is supposed to be wistful, enlaced with symbolism--but not vague or cliche.

A rewrite of your "CHANGE":

CHANGE
you said change
be more like her
smile, smile, smile
laugh demurely
you said love you
like she did
said you loved me
but you didn't

I'm not bashing you, just trying to illustrate that you can say what you mean without using so many words. Email for more help, [e-mail].

Answer 2

I think that this poem is very meaningful. This is the reason why, you see, it seems that this person its refering to is really cared and loved by someone and they just don't realize it yet. If they told you that they love you, but you know they love someone else. You let them know that they are wasting their time trying to play wit your heart. And this person doesn't know what they are missing telling you to change. If they really admired you just the way you are they wouldn't want to change a thing about you. Don't you think so? To me it's romantic and really intense on this person's feelings.

Answer 3

Typical of a teen.... Liked "Change" the best.... Hang on to these... It's a great way to put your thoughts and feelings in perspective.

Answer 4

They seem like run on sentences. They don't flow smoothly. Is the writer of these a teenager? Sorry, you did ask for honesty.

Answer 5

It's totally immature! I'll hope you'll grow up some day (mentally).

Answer 6

I LOVED THE ''CHANGE" and the ''DO U CARE''!!!!!!!!!!!!

but i didn't the others...