Would you call this cheating? Or just bad judgement? what would you do?

Question

Been married a long time. Have kids. I was told a year ago that my husband has kissed three women. Touched 2 other (but with clothes on) and had one lap dance. It has been 5 years since the last one. I am having a hard time beleieving he told me all (I always truted him) but since he told me, I didnt just find out, I must beleieve he has told me everything?. We have worked through a lot of the hurt (my hurt) over the last year, and he is very sad about it and regrets it. But I still fear its part of his personality. He had the chance to have sex with a handfull of different women over the last 10 year, but never had sex .... Do you consider this all cheating (what he did?) He said right now he can see how it is cheating, but then he just thought it was something I wouldnt like but not that big of a deal.etc. Anyway I am still struggled with finding out how bad things were, and how messed up our "perfect" marriage was. It will never be the same I know, but better then now, i hope

Touching, aka- breast, between the legs, clothes on, one most likely had an "O" massage, back and everything lower (clothes on, in all this)

each above mentioned, was a diferent person, most co-workers, or while travling

Answer 1

The part of your question that makes me nervous is "I fear it's part of his personality". Do you think you will ever trust him 100%? I don't know if I could.
He has come clean with you. What was his motive in telling you? Did he only tell you after he got busted or did his guilt make him spill the beans?
I know what it's like to lose trust, especially when you thought you had the perfect marriage.
Hopefully, he has learned and will never repeat his inappropriate actions. If he does anything out of the ordinary, I would think twice about trying to make it work with him. Good luck!

Answer 2

I don't know how you could call this a perfect marriage, no marriage is perfect. I would call that cheating if that was my husband but I have forgiven my husband for other things in life but he has never cheated. I just think touching another person like that is not right if you are in love with someone. I do wish you the best of luck and it is up to you if you feel that it is something that you can forgive him for. Take some time for you to deal and get past the hurt and you will either have to totally for get about the whole situation or leave. If you do not you will continue to worry if he is late coming home or so on if he is out doing something he shouldn't. Make sure it is what is good for you.

Answer 3

sounds as if He was very close to doing something but that deep down he knows right from wrong and somehow he stopped it before it happened. would say it wasn't exactly cheating but he sure thought about it. he told u because he felt guilt, which i think guilt is good, or the voice of our conscious, forget and forgive him, as it could have been alot worse. if he is sad and has shown remorse u need to get past this, get some therapy and be thankful u still have a husband and an honest one. he came clean because he wanted to share it with u and he trusted u enough to share it, personally i would be much more worried about an emotional affair than this.

Answer 4

The definition of date rape is as follows: forcible sexual sex by technique of a male acquaintance of a lady, throughout a voluntary social engagement in which the lady did not intend to placed as a lot because the sexual advances and resisted the acts by technique of verbal refusals, denials or pleas to end, and/or actual resistance. the actual shown actuality that the activities knew one yet another or that the lady willingly followed the guy at the instantaneous are not criminal defenses to a cost of rape, inspite of the actual shown actuality that one Pennsylvania determination governed that there had to be some surely actual resistance. If all you're saying is authentic, and there is not something extra to the tale, it type of feels that you've an outstanding beginning for a date rape value. because you reported that you drank, and he did not in any respect, it may appear like he may have planned this. yet heavily, interior the best, the blame does come right down to you. You were set on not having sex, yet went ahead and drank anyhow. If the guy did not convince you to shop eating, it may shine some gentle on the attitude of reasonable doubt. wish each little thing works nicely in inspite of you come to a call. you probably did the right element by technique of holding that you does not have sex, yet next time you want to take it a step farther and not in any respect drink. good success.

Answer 5

If, even during the lap dance 5 years on so ago, his pants stayed on then he did not totally cheat on you. He may have showed poor judgment in touching a couple or sitting there for a lap dance but that's about all he did. Think back on your own events over the past 10 years...and think about possible times when you might have followed a temptation.

Answer 6

Everyone is different.I'm sorry though because I would have to ask him to leave, even though he told me I would not trust him in the future. I would also think he told me to hurt me. No, I couldn't go on. But don't let me be a bad influence. Your kids are in the mix and your husband does need someone to grow old with. But do you do his laundry and keep his house clean and raise his children or maybe even throw in your own paycheck? What is the difference if he had a lap dance or sex? If my man let a woman sit on him while he had an orgasm, that would do it for me!! Sorry, I couldn't stay with him. but that's just me!! And I'm a hard woman to please!! Good Luck Hon!! @8-]

Answer 7

I'm sorry to hear about your pain, but you know what, YES, what he did is cheating. He went outside of your marriage playing a little sexual game, and that's wrong. He hid it, two wrongs. I think anything you wouldn't do right in front of your spouse, that you do in hiding, is cheating. Anything. There is physical cheating, and emotional cheating. He hurt you. It's going to take a long time to get over it, IF you can. Good luck to you.

Answer 8

Yes this was definitley cheating and being unfaithful to you and to the marriage. This is a big deal and he should not be down playing it.Seek counseling and help for you and this marriage if it is really bothering you and you cannot get past this and forgive him for it. I sure hope you guys can work through this together and mend and heal your marriage.

Answer 9

By any chance do you or did you live in Baton Rouge, Louisiana area?

Your story is identical to someone I used to know and corresponded with.

If so please e-mail me....

To answer your question, No, he is not cheating and if the women are single or have permission from their husbands he has done nothing wrong. He has told you, and so still he has done nothing wrong.

There are many who may disagree with me...but if you email me I will give you a lot of information about the subject of cheating.

Answer 10

If there was no sex of any kind, no kiss's and no smooching, then there was no cheating. He may have lusted but thats not cheating either. If I were as worried as you seem to be, I would hire a tracker and get to the bottom of this. If you find that he is cheating, get rid of him. If you find that he is still on the up and up. You will be ok. You need to satisfy your worries.