I love my girlfriend so much, and we are planning to get married. She had treatment (surgery+radiotherapy) for brain tumour 6 years ago. since then her scans are clean. she is perfet now, but i knew recently that this could come back at anytime, may be soon, and could be more agressive. I am in a dilemma, save her or a potential family later. I just dare to say this jut now, but i love her. on the side something in my inside says, that i could support her with being married. but i am just worried that such a move would be devastating for her...and if not it could be for me! i am so confused. Do i choose her or my my future family? not mentioning the the mental pressure due to uncertainty, and the possible problems to children in future. I don't dare to talk freely with her, because she is confident that its coming is not possible. when i talk with her, i feel as if i wanna proof that i am right, this means her harm!!?
2007-02-07 09:58:28 · 22 answers · asked by veryconfused 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I got some answers to end this relationship. although i cant imagine it now, but HOW!? it's a question! she is no nice to the extent that she give me no excuse to ditch her. her personality and thinking is excatly what i like....
2007-02-07 10:15:19 · update #1
ASk yourself if you can live and not regret, not doing whatever your heart wants you to do. The only thing that you have to be is mentally and emotionally prepared, financially, of course to follow through whatever way you chose. You know, when God closes one door, he must have already opened a window, all you have to do is identify the window.
2007-02-15 03:26:01 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you can look past the cancer, and ask yourself "if she were to live forever, I would want to be with her just that long" then marry her.
If you love her, just charish the time you have with her, don't look back, and don't worry of the future. Think of the happiness you'll have and all the days you'll spend with her, even if they are limited.
Don't break up with her and regret it. But definately, talk to her. It might be hard, but tell her how YOUR feeling. Don't make it sound like you think she'll die, but just tell her that a part of you is scared to lose her. I see why your in a dilemma, your thinking of the kids without a mother, and how hard it will be for you, and you do need to think of that. And if its worth it to possibly feel that pain, but to have known that once you had such great joy, that may be the question.
Its better to love for one time, then to never love at all.
Not everyone gets a chance to find someone they love that much, consider yourself lucky.
2007-02-07 18:13:09 · answer #2 · answered by soccer_frogger 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you love her and she is your soul mate, marry her. If you have found true love, you're doing better than a lot of people, even if it is short-lived.If she has been cancer free for 6 years, chances are good that they got it all and it won't come back. If her cancer comes back, will you be able to be there for her? Hold her hand during chemo and radiation? Hug her while she's wasting away?
If this sounds like too much for you, do both of you a favor and leave. Problem is, the next girl you fall for could get hit by a car on your honeymoon!
2007-02-07 18:15:26 · answer #3 · answered by katydid 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
there is no reason to leave her because the cancer could reoccur, if u do leave her because of this, it will haunt u for the rest of your life. only god knows our future, the cancer could never come back, but love conquers all, and love doesn't see things as a problem, just live for today as none of u are promised a tomorrow. be true to thine self and don't worry about tomorrow and what could happen, how many of us really ever get to experience true love in this lifetime? think u need to get married right away, she is positive that her cancer will not return, and if it does what than? u just deal with it and help her through it, as when a crisis does come it does reveal our true character. good luck
2007-02-07 19:53:41 · answer #4 · answered by jude 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Love is a choice - that almost always requires sacrifice. What's wrong with spending some good years with the woman you love - give her the chance to have a wedding, a husband - a good life. Even if it's only a short time - isn't she worth it? YOU could die tomorrow - will that stop you from making plans for the future?
Go for it and live happily with her as long as you can!
2007-02-07 18:04:21 · answer #5 · answered by Amy 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you love her, then marry her for better or for worse.
Its selfish not to go with your heart and to end what could be a fulfilling and long happy life with her. She has been good for 6 years and although there is a chance, it honestly doesnt seem like its the case now.
Think about it, you could end it with her, and find another woman and marry, only to find that she develops terminal cancer 6 months after marriage.
Life is a game. Its unpredicable for a reason.
I say go for it, and have a great life with her for however long it lasts.
GOod luck to u.
2007-02-07 18:10:15 · answer #6 · answered by Truth Teller 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you truly love her, then go ahead with you plans on marrying. There are no guarantees in this life, she could out live you! Life is short and you have to make each day wonderful and if you can do that together, then do it. I know that it must be scary about what your future might hold - but there is too much unknown. Give her a wonderful life and it will give you one in return. Good luck!
2007-02-07 18:04:12 · answer #7 · answered by Kitt 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Would you love her less if she had cancer?
The answer should be no. If it is yes, you need to get out of this relationship.
Anyone could die at anytime. You could die tomorrow of a car accident. She could die tonight because of a brain anerism. We don't have control over when or how we die, but we have control of how we live our life.
Marry her. Love her. Don't think about tomorrow. Live in today. You need to love her as much as you can NOW. Don't think about future kids! That's too far in the future. Take it one day at a time.
My grandmother married a man who died 3 months later of cancer. Was it worth it to her? You bet.
2007-02-07 18:03:27 · answer #8 · answered by FaZizzle 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋
If you love her than nothing else matters. If you have to ask yourself "what if", then you're not living. You have to live each day to the fullest no matter what it brings. You could step out of your house and get killed tomorrow, and leave her alone. And she would have to wonder how she was going to go on without you. It all doesn't matter in the end. But if you have to debate this much, then I would get out of the relationship and face life alone without her, but you'd always wonder what she was doing.
2007-02-13 21:12:02 · answer #9 · answered by Cathy VanB 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I married someone with the same condition - we didn't have kids. It came back. He passed away. I felt we were meant to go through it together. Like a life calling. Had to happen the way it did. Listen to your heart. Good luck.
2007-02-07 18:13:05 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋