Would you forgive an affair?

Question

Would you forgive you hubby if you found out he had been having an affair with a cheap little tart from his workplace for 6 months, whild you were pregnant?

Found out coz her bf found them together and told me

When i asked him about it, he denied it at first, but then said that he was feeling lonely coz all i could think about was the baby, and that our sex life was non-existant, and that he is a man, and needs sex!

Answer 1

Hell no. You were pregnant with his child, he should have been at your beckon call, physically, mentally and emotionally, instead of bonging that tart. So much can go wrong at child's birth, what's wrong with these men???? I pitty men who are like that.

Answer 2

Pretty lame excuse that one-he was only thinking of himself if you ask me. He is a player and it really does not matter in the slightest whether the person he had an affair with is a cheap little tart from work, or an experienced mature older woman from the local pub...the fact is he had an affair and broke the trust you both had in each other. It will take you ages for you to trust this guy again, even if you are the trusting type...but this affair he had will never be far from your thoughts-you may trust in time,but will never forget what he did, whether you were pregnant or not...I wouldn't forget, nor would i forgive if i were in your shoes, but then again i have a very low tolerance towards people who have affairs, be they man or woman, and would not put up with it in any way shape or form. Bin him and move on is my answer, he WILL do this again-so save yourself more sorrow for the future.

Answer 3

Wow Claire what a situation your in. I was the same many years ago but my partner denied. Said he needed someone to talk too, what an excuse. I seemed to have wasted many years wondering was it me and still am but you know what hindsight is a wonderful thing and now I am a 50 year old single mum and my beautiful daughter is nearly 13 and is begining to see that her dad does not do as much as what he should do, She does not know what happened and never will so get on with your life and trust me it will be hard but in years to come you will see you made the right decision. It is loss and the only way you will get through this horrible part of your life is to never mention the affair ever again and if that not possible get rid of him cause in your position you need a man not a self-pitying dog. Think of you and your baby and it does get better and your baby will be your best friend, trust me I am a single mum of 3 beautiful daughters.

Answer 4

This is going to be a little harsh. I don't mean to offend you or hurt you. But sometimes a little hurt can be quite illuminating. Bear with me.

Why did he treat you thus? Because you invited him to do so.

Remember people treat us the way we invite them to treat us.
I think he's been contemplating an affair longer than you think. Your pregnancy was the excuse.

Examine your relationship with him. Where have you been deficient? Have you subconciously driven him away? Has he been involved in a clandestine relationship with another woman, possibly the same one, even before your pregnancy, or before your marriage?

This "cheap little tart" may just be his type of girl. You are probably way above her. But looks like you're heading towards a showdown (and a split) sooner or later. Maybe you married in haste.

Forgiveness is not the solution. A hard look at yourself, and him, and her, is what might save the situation. The question is : Do you want it saved?

Am I reading you right?

Answer 5

well the pregnant thing is really a kick in the rib huh, I know God the anger that you get, well this is something you need to think long and hard about! If your capabable of forgiving him and want to because he is the love of your life and you truly believe he is sorry and wont do it again or can live w/the daily idea he might be than you can. Thats up to you, again only if you make the decision though and I say this because its really not right even though he was in the wrong to stay and then constantly throw it up or live daily as a bitter *****. Yes you would have the right to but why live like that I"ve done it and it goes nowhere, but now i'm with someone that I truly believe i'll be marrying and working thru life with and i've learned alot about a different kind of love, one that when you come across x roads we communicate, come to a plan, and try to follow it, and keep doing that, my point is its taught me that this is a real relationship & that if you dont try to do this with your "husband" you'd never stay with anyone if we always ran or left get what i'm saying, but I will say this is a doozy I mean really really hard because you at this point really really would like to pretend it didnt happen keep on the happy road w/the babe and go on, right, well if its gonna slowly eat at ya like with me I just stayed while he was taking care of me so as I could stay at home with my first child and spend all my time with her and her with I so in a sense I figured if I got anything out of him I got that which I didnt feel bad about taking since he didnt love me and did the same things but I will tell ya doing that didnt work out so well later he became vary bitter at my deception and did a lot of terrible things to me as pay back ofcourse never seeing his wrong so be careful whatever you do, so I guess I'd say again make the decision and do it now, are you still pregnant than do it even sooner, whatever you do good luck and I hope you can truly smile again that something they take and just dont deserve, Kim

Answer 6

This is such a hard question. But it is a feeble excuse
to have an affair. Theres' loads of ways that you could enjoy
sex together. If he can,t wait long enough to have the baby
I think he is one sick man.
It all depends on whether you really love each other, and
if he is truly sorry for what he did. If he is just coming up
with excuses - what will it be next time. That you are busy
up all night while baby is teething? Hand him the baby 24/7
then see if he is up for it!

Answer 7

There is nothing wrong with showing mercy. You can forgive and show mercy, but you don't have to accept the situation. In saying that, it's your call.

Once you show mercy, you have not only showed this person you are on a higher level than they will ever be on, but you will also be on the road to recovery from pain, worry and/or fear.

Once you take that high road, let me tell you....he will be at the mercy of the heavenly father...and trust me....karma is a bit*h when someone you have wronged has forgiven you. Mark my words.

You will have a piece of mind, you will get every answer to every question answered. You will be in complete control of this situation and seen supremely strong to your family and friends all for taking the high road.

It's not easy...look at all the hell no responses...lol..when you take the high road you don't feel sorry for yourself, you don't use the why me sympathy role on everyone to get them to side with you, you don't feel like a victim.......all because you didn't run. You stood still in your storm and dealt with it.

I can't lie, it takes alot of character to pull it off, and some will call you crazy....but when you do TRUST ME you will get everything you want and need in the end including a piece of mind with or without your husband or wife who did you wrong.

You will reach your full potential. I promise you that. People will be drawn to you. I know this from exp. Take the high road and show mercy. You will be strong enough then to make the right choice with or without him.

Everything you lose you will get back 10x's more and better...including a better partner. I'm telling you this. You just have to believe and stay strong.

Answer 8

WHEN HELL FREEZES OVER, NEVER. I believe even if you are having major problems you HAVE to tell the other... look, I dont want to be with u because ur a nag, ect.....Im going to sleep with another person. YOU CANT HAVE UR CAKE AND EAT IT TO, MY X DID NOT LEAVE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I FOUND OUT HE HAD AN AFFAIR AND TALKED TO THE WOMAN SHE TOLD ME SHE FELT CONNECTED TO ME AND HOW MUCH MY HUSBAND LOVED ME AND OUR FAMILY. SHE TRIED TO CONVINCE ME TO STAY WITH HIM!!!! I FORCED HIM TO SIGN THE DIVORCE PAPERS. DONT LET MEN TREAT U LIKE DIRT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND THE PRIOR PERSON BROUGHT UP A GOOD POINT, IF THEY ADMIT IT!!!!!!FOR WEEKS HE WOULDN'T ADMIT IT, THEN HE DID. SORRY TOO LITTLE TOO LATE. OH AND I BET MONEY HE WILL DO IT AGAIN. also...I no longer wanted a plan, yes a plan on just about any other problem is GREAT, communication is important. But breaking trust of that magnitude is a deal breaker in my opinion. Good for others that they can forgive a spouse and sleep with him/her again knowing they gave away something so special that only the two of you are suppose to share. Sorry but when u get married, you should go into it knowing fully that, this is the last person Im going to sleep with. If thats what the two of u believe.

Answer 9

I feel sorry to hear that as I know exactly how you feel.I've been through the same on our 10th year anniversary I found out he's having an a ffair with his co worker. I try to talk to him and ask why is he doing that?ask him what is my mistake and what he wants next.We talk a lot and finally now we are back on track not only as husband and wife but best friend.We don't keep secret anymore to each other which sometime I think communication is very important in marriage so we know what exactly we both like and dislike.Try to improve each day and see how it goes. Go back to study for higher level education, groomed yourself, put on make-up, do your hair and shows him that you have value as well.In the mean time,show him that not only women can look at him but man can look at you too.Bring back the flame he used to have on you when the first time he falls in love with you.Second chance is not too bad as you married him because of love so try to another chance is worth to do it.Sometimes another relations is hard to start all over again.Don't think the other side of grass is greener. Don't listen to friends who always advise for divorce or separation.Never leave your home for that.Stand still on your feet and be there for him.I know it's very hard to do that but may be there's time you and him been through which means a lot,use that as a weapon and make him wake-up.Not to worry dear,some women out there just feel temptation to flirt with a married man and trust me it won't last long,is just a lust.Stop asking him or get into conversation about the other woman,treat him as normal even it's hard to pretend,he will realise his mistake and hopefully he won't flirt anymore.Wish you luck and never give up on your man.

Answer 10

If a woman cheated on me because I was genuinely being a jerk and denying her either sex or intimacy for a long period of time I probably would forgive it, yes. I mean I don't think it's fair to ask someone to only have sex and emotional intimacy with you and no one else, and then not give that to them. Everyone needs it. It'd be like saying "I only want you to talk to me and no one else" and then never actually letting them have a conversation with you - everyone needs to communicate with someone so likewise it's completely unreasonable to do this. If, however, they just did it because they were bored of me or something? Yeah then I'd probably end it. I believe everyone deserves at least one chance but after that, for any reason other than the one I mentioned above... Nope.

Answer 11

All situtations are different and hearts and feelings are also different no matter what people tell you., you should always follow what your heart and mind tells you...but if you ask me this is my story....I forgive one affair and when I was thinking (after 17 years of marriage) that all was said and done and when I was "i thought" okay and our relationship good....Boom! there he goes again....so I did not forgive this time....it hurt i went thru a process but im fine now...and I feel better than I ever did in many years!
good luck!