how do one cope with miscarriages?

Question

i have being trying to have children for the past 5yrs now, am actually begining to lose hope of ever having my kids, i keep having miscarriages, infact i lost my 5mth preg. recently in Nov2006.My hubby keeps saying it's going to happen believe in God, i do but i think it's better you know, it will not happen then to keep on hoping or am i wrong?

Answer 1

Have the doctors spent time with you finding out why?........Do you need that stitch put in the early days to hold the womb together.................

It is difficult i know but you have to look to when your a mum otherwise you will end up down..........I feel for you and it is hard to stop thinking about it.....I have miscarried two babies and had an eptopic so I know how your feeling........

Bless ya, it will happen one day, make sure your doctor is doing all he can to help you xxx I have had two children now and one after my eptopic

Answer 2

I can understand how you must feel. I have also had 5 miscarriages. 7 pegnancies all in.I now have a girl and a boy which I thought would never happen. The doctors done tests at the time to try find a cause but didnt find anything. I went off the rails for a bit . Then When I fell pregnant again my mum bought me a little charm of praying hands I kept them beside my bed every night I hoped and prayed . Right up to the final stage. i even took them into theatre for my C section and my daughter was born 10 pound and a qaurter ounce. Then I fell pegnant with my son and done exactly the same thing again.everything went well. I hope you have a happy ending like I did I will take out my praying hands tonight and think of you. GOOD LUCK.

Answer 3

Oh you poor thing! I lost my first, but have been so lucky to have two children since, followed by another miscarriage (this one was unplanned though and did not know I was pregnant so did not really grieve). I have no idea how you get through what you have been through, all I know is that we are all sending messages of support to you and your husband.

I know a couple of people though who have had children despite many miscarriages/still births, so don't give up hope.

An aspirin a day,throughout pregnancy, helped one person I know to go on and have two children after about 5 miscarriages. Unfortunately I can't remember why aspirin works sometimes.

Answer 4

I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time at the moment. I can totally understand what you're saying - I had 2 miscarriages and a stillborn and I don't think its something you ever really 'get over', however it does get less painful over time.

Have you been to the doctors and asked them to look in to things for you? Only after my 3rd miscarriage the hospital offered me hormone treatment, apparently that's procedure, but its still worth finding out.

I know its one of the hardest things to come to terms with and my faith and belief in God kept me strong through one of the hardest times in my life, but believe me, things do get better.

Never give up hope, I am now a mother of 2 - my son is now 7 and my daughter 4.

Keep strong, I hope things work out for you, tc x

Answer 5

I'm very sorry to here about your loss but don't lose hope of becoming a mother it will happen for you. From my own personal experience i have had 2 miscarriages and it isn't the nicest experience. I have lost 3 babies,2 in the first 8wks and one when i was nearly 20 weeks and i was scared to even try to conceive another baby it took me nearly 10 years and when i decided it was time it was nearly to late,the doctor told me that i would never be able to conceive naturally as i had polycistic syndrome so i decided to try IVF as i longed to be a mother. My fist IVF treatment i had i coned but lost that baby so i went back for a second attempt and conceived twins (they are now 6 years old)and now i have a 10mth old baby which i conceived naturally.Believe in yourself and have a little faith up their as it help me .Theirs no harm in believing a little.Good luck i hope you all the best.It will happen for you,and the saying goes all good things come to those who wait.It's your turn now.

Answer 6

I am right there with you. I had my tubes tied while with my EX and then divorced, remarried to have the tubal reversal surgery done, to experience nothing but miscarriages.
I too was about to give up, then a very dear friend who too has experience losses and even a stillborn recommended a perinatal center for some tests. I also moved to her GYN's office...and I am starting genetic testing.
I really would not give up as frustrating as it is. I know...I would just remain calm as you can and stop Trying!!! When AF comes, she comes, when she does not ...instead of excitment and anxiety just stay calm, wait 3/4 days and then test.
I truly feel your pain. Most recent for me Jan. 2007!!!

Answer 7

Your hubby is right you need to always stay positive if you give up hope you will drive yourself into a deep depression i have had 1 ectopic pregnancy in july 06 and have suffered severe depression since as my husbands been away with the army untill june so we do not have hope of pregnancy untill then,but i came on here and searched and found support ivee also got an online memorial for my ectopic angel,it would have been due march 19th so ive bought a tree and wrote a poem laminated it and will tie it on i will plant this tree on the due day and treat it every year or couple of months with flowers and teddys this for me has been a great help as i feel i have a proper resting place for this not that my baby was used for investigating why ectopics happen.I have lost 1 baby and feel ill never have one and i have seen this is wrong to think im giving up my frame of mind is when my husbands home we will try but make it loving and fun and keep enjoying our new marraige 5months!! If it happens for us and i carry what a great suprise if not i will keep trying.I even bought myself a babygrow yesterday i couldnt resist but if i never end up witrh my own little baby to waer it ill give it to a charity or close friends but untill then ill never give up hope i was givin hope yesterday i met a lady whod had an ectopic and she now has 3 healthy babys so i felt loads better.theres lots of woman out there who have suffered loss in the same way as you and could give you hope stay positive and if you need to chat my msn address is [e-mail]

Answer 8

I'm currently helping a friend who lost her baby, on my birthday. She was completely distraught, was told by doctor's she was never going to have children ever again. I stayed up most of the night going over it with her. Tears were shed on both sides of the line.

But she and I both possess something so few people have, third thoughts. Everyone has first thoughts, everyone has second thoughts, but third thoughts are those that step back, take a look at the situation and come up with a decision for you. They can be very decisive, and there's a fifty-fifty chance that they're right. But when they've made a decision you feel obligated to stick to it so whatever you come up with, that's it, no questions asked, that's what has to be done. And while she was talking to me, she suddenly said the strangest thing. She said she was going to leave her husband and find a new path in life, she was sick of feeling morose and upset, she wanted to be happy again.

I'm not suggesting that you leave your husband, far from it, I'm just saying that I know where you're coming from and I think I know the answer. Let your third thoughts take over for a bit. Don't think, I've got to keep trying for kids, I need them, relax and take stock of everything, third thoughts are good at this. They don't always know what's right and what's wrong, they hardly ever get involved, but this is something that might be life changing, so give them a chance.

What my friend's thoughts told her was to rely on people she cared for, people who loved her. She discovered she had friends where she thought she had none at all. But most of all, she discovered there are other ways of having children, surrogacy, adoption, fostering, they're all options. Of course she still needs time to get over the miscarriage, which she's doing, new home, new career, no husband, and she actually feels better for it. She's dead set on adoption. She knows she can't go for IVF, but maybe you can.

Just relax and think about it. You'll be surprised what your mind will tell you. Or if you don't possess those magical third thoughts, there's always the four methods I've mentioned, surrogacy, adoption, fostering and IVF, not to mention just keeping on trying. But if you lack the patience, dive straight in with one of the four methods. That's the great thing about todays society, there are always options.

And if you think IVF isn't natural, just remember, it was designed with you in mind. And if both of you go to the doctor's you might be able to see if there's something wrong internally. That might help you to make a decision too. If you're afraid that the blame of why you've so far failed to have children is because one of you two is unable to get something right through no fault of your own, don't worry about it. Surely the sooner you find out the sooner you can make a decision, right?

And I wish you the world of luck, I actually have to go now, call it a coincidence but my dear friend is phoning me right now. So good luck and for the life of me I hope you possess third thoughts, they can be so useful sometimes, but not when you're playing chess. For some reason they're insistent upon making you lose (mostly during chess games and during little else) by saying things like 'you can live without a queen'.

Answer 9

Ritando your husband gave you the right advice, my friend had the exact same amount of miscarriages as you and then she had a son now she is a grandmother. Ritando never give up hope all the best of health for the future.

Answer 10

Ask your doctor if going on progesterone is right for you...I had 3 miscarriages and it was FINALLY diagnosed as low hormones. With proesteronne...I got pregnant, kept my pregnancy and had a healthy baby boy. If you don't have severe PMS or periods it is likely you have low hormone levels. Good Luck