Could you read this? I'm wanting it to be porfolio!! IMPORTANT?

Question

Ok. I had to choose something that needs to be changed, then i had to say why it needed to be changed, and how. after that, i had to think about the obstacles. I don't want this to have too many "bad words" or too many "great words" I don't want to under, or over do it...thanks!

I believe that the world should enter an eternal peace. Peace and harmony would solve all problems, however, this event isn't going to occur anytime soon. You hear people trying to bring world peace, but regardless of how they try, it simply won't happen unless everyone works together. The problem is getting the world to cooperate in such a manner.
At this point, it's nearly impossible, because you can't convince anyone to change. If school administrators, can't get a whole school to think fondly of a school population consisting of a faculty, and student body, then you can't expect the world to at once change views. Although you may make several people think, and you may change some

views of life. However, if someone offends you, you aren't going to smile and appreciate it. Whether it'd be premeditated, or a spontaneous action, chances are, words will be spoken. Although it may hurt your feelings, train yourself to keep calm, and to defend yourself in a nice, polite manner, not starting a fight. A small fight may not seem like much, but even the smallest argument is like a tiny war. It starts out by someone causing a conflict, a conflict causes a hatred, and a hatred causes an enemy.
If this peace and love we long for won't happen, then what will? All of the wars of the past, all of the wars at the present, and all of the wars in the future. These current wars, filled with hatred of one another, that have already been started, but it isn't too late to try to stop it, is it? Another reason why war is a superior motive of this world, is because the world can't agree. Racism will never end, because it is something brought up from the past, and led to the

present. Some people are raised to hate, others learn to hate through peers, yet others were pushed to hate through abuse, or mistreatment. Although I believe racism will never end, nobody has to make a conflict just because they are of a different color, or culture. There are too many racist people whom make up this world, whether it'd be whites rebellious against blacks, Iraqs(spell) rebellious of christians, Germans(hitler) rebellious of Jews. The views of one shouldn't effect another.
Hatred is one of our biggest problems in all dimensions possible. This problem really does need to be changed, if we could get everyone on Earth to change their views, and help others of a different ethnicity, we could have a chance at peace. The actuallity of this, is that it will never happen. Either route you attempt to take, you're going to end up with only one answer. There would have to be peace in every mans' herat in order to have peace, and most everyone has a hatred for someone or

something.
This hatred can be controlled only if that person wants to control it. Is there anything, that you strongly dislike? Think about all the things that aggitate you during the day. Is it a car, a phone, a person, or even a mere thought? Has there ever been a time when you secretly wanted to hit a peer?
I think that it is good to take note of the things that frustrate you, and to write down why they do. After doing this, it is great to think about how you would like to change your frustrations. How would you calm yourself down? If it is a car, or an item, think about the people who cannot afford this, or aren't able to have one. If you are at a store, and the cashier is new, think about the problems he/she is facing. If there is a person who you severely don't like, think about how it feels for you to be disliked, and try talking to that person. Attempting to make peace, whether it'd be peace for yourself, or with someone else, is better than having

unfinished anger build up. Or a war going inside your mind. You are in control of your own thoughts. If you can find a way to make yourself like someone, then peace is a stage higher. It may not seem like much to have one peaceful person, but it could make you a role model. Have you ever heard anyone say, "Yeah, Mrs. Doran is the sweetest woman you'd ever meet!" If you can find peace at heart, you can find peace in life. You can be a role model. If a role model is someone who people look up to, they must be a wonderful person. Sure, they don't have peace for all, but they must have some sort of kind characteristic. Wouldn't it be nice to be called a role model? A role model, who explains to people the differences in love and hate, peace and war, someone who can give kind advice to a situation others would judge. A role model could be a teacher, and someone could learn from the teacher about kindness and thoughtfulness of all. War isn't going to solve anything, only more hatred in the

future. However, war is nearly impossible to overcome, although it should be a dream of everyone.


~~~~~If you actually skimmed through all of that, is talking about role model, and judgement too far off this subject, when combined? How do I make the sentences about ....could learn from a teacher about kindness and thoughtfulness of all. War isn't going to solve anything....what's a sentence i could add to this to make it link?


If someone actually read this, and replies, then thanks!

I know i had a few mispellings and stuff(but i was trying to write all of this fast, i didn't type this on microsoft word) it was on here. n yeah, i like commas, idk why, i just write them in like every sentence, and i wish i could find a few word adjustments...THANKS SO MUCH!

Answer 1

We need more people that believe what you do! Other than punctuation and grammar errors it seems like you did what was asked. Here are some suggestions, things I noticed on a first reading, not that I am the best expert on English composition but something for you to look at anyway. Good luck!

I believe that the world should enter an eternal peace. Peace and harmony would solve all problems; however, this event isn't going to occur anytime soon. You hear people trying to bring world peace, but regardless of how they try, it simply won't happen unless everyone works together. The problem is getting the world to cooperate in such a manner.
At this point, it's nearly impossible, because you can't convince anyone to change. If school administrators can't get a whole school to think fondly of a school population consisting of a faculty and student body, then you can't expect the world to at once change views, although you may make several people think, and you may change some

Additional Details

20 minutes ago
views of life. If someone offends you, however, you aren't going to smile and appreciate it. Whether it is a premeditated or a spontaneous action, chances are that words will be spoken. Although it may hurt your feelings, train yourself to keep calm, and to defend yourself in a nice, polite manner, not starting a fight. A small fight may not seem like much, but even the smallest argument is like a tiny war. It starts out by someone causing a conflict; a conflict causes hatred, and hatred causes an enemy.
If this peace and love we long for won't happen, then what will? All of the wars of the past, all of the wars at the present, and all of the wars in the future. Current wars, filled with hatred of one another, have already been started, but it isn't too late to try to stop them, is it? Another reason why war is an ulterior motive of this world is that the world can't agree. Racism will never end, because it is something brought up from the past, and led to the

15 minutes ago
present. Some people are raised to hate, others learn to hate through peers, yet others were pushed to hate through abuse or mistreatment. Although I believe racism will never end, nobody has to make a conflict just because they are of a different color, or culture. There are too many racist people whom make up this world, whether it be whites versus blacks, Iraqis versus christians, Germans(hitler) versus Jews. The views of one group shouldn't affect another.
Hatred is one of our biggest problems in all dimensions possible. This problem really does need to be changed. If we could get everyone on Earth to change their views, and help others of a different ethnicity, we could have a chance at peace. The reality of this is that it will never happen. No matter which route you attempt to take, you're going to end up with only one answer. There would have to be peace in every mans' heart in order to have peace, and most everyone has a hatred for someone or

5 minutes ago
something.
This hatred can be controlled only if that person wants to control it. Is there anything, that you strongly dislike? Think about all the things that aggravate you during the day. Is it a car, a phone, a person, or even a mere thought? Has there ever been a time when you secretly wanted to hit a peer?
I think that it is good to take note of the things that frustrate you, and to write down why they do. After doing this, it is great to think about how you would like to change your frustrations. How would you calm yourself down? If it is a car, or an item, think about the people who cannot afford this, or aren't able to have one. If you are at a store, and the cashier is new, think about the problems he/she is facing. If there is a person who you severely don't like, think about how it feels for you to be disliked, and try talking to that person. Attempting to make peace, whether it would be peace for yourself or with someone else, is better than having

29 seconds ago
unfinished anger build up, or a war going inside your mind. You are in control of your own thoughts. If you can find a way to make yourself like someone, then peace is a stage higher. It may not seem like much to have one peaceful person, but it could make you a role model. Have you ever heard anyone say, "Yeah, Mrs. Doran is the sweetest woman you'd ever meet!" If you can find peace at heart, you can find peace in life. You can be a role model. If a role model is someone who people look up to, he or she must be a wonderful person. Sure, role models don't have peace for all, but they must have some sort of kind characteristic. Wouldn't it be nice to be called a role model? A role model who explains to people the differences in love and hate, peace and war; someone who can give kind advice to a situation others would judge. A role model could be a teacher, and someone could learn from the teacher about kindness and thoughtfulness of all. War isn't going to solve anything, only more hatred in the