I've been in a relationship for almost 5 years. I have given almost everything of myself to make it work. And though he is a good guy, I wish he were more romantic, more caring and a little less selfish. Take Valentine's day, he thinks it is stupid and wont even think of getting me anything. I mean Valentine's day isn't really anything special, but it hurts me that he doesn't try to be romantic becaus it makes me happy. Or when I ask him to spend time with me, he'll just brush me off or sit with me for a minute then get up and leave. I don't know if maybe I've given too much of myself. I'm having thoughts of just giving up and moving out. I love him very much, but if a man wont give me what I need then should I stay?
Thanks for all your help.
Take care.
2007-02-07 08:23:15 · 25 answers · asked by Chrystal 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The purpose of a relationship is for emotional and physical fulfilment. Try to talk to him about how you feel and if this does not work, then you need to start thinking about what makes you happy. Do not let anyone use you up to the point that you forget about who you are or what you need in a relationship. He is selfish because you are giving more to him than what he is giving to you and therefore he is taking you for granted. Speak up for yourself and let him know that you cannot be in this relationship by yourself for if you are the only one trying, then you might as well be by yourself or leave yourself open and available for someone who will appreciate you.
2007-02-07 08:34:42 · answer #1 · answered by myleshunt 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think a compromise can be reached here. You're really talking about two different things. Valentine's Day, while a pleasant occasion, is really something artificially imposed on relationships, and your relationship can survive without it. Spending time with each other, however, is something that comes from within a relationship. This is the part that needs to be discussed. How much time, and used for what? The two of you need to have a conversation about what's important to you both.
2007-02-07 09:22:38 · answer #2 · answered by Wise Advice 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ohhh, You need to start by talking to him , and not the whining I want a gift talk. You've invested a lot of time in this relationship, so before you leave you need to talk. Start by telling him how teh little things make you feel important, like if her were to stop on the way home and but you a single rose, write you a little love note, or just go out of his way to make you dinner. If he can not see your point, and give you what you crave as in a loving relationship then I say move on. After all it's been 5 yrs you are the only one that can know what to do for you.
2007-02-07 08:49:24 · answer #3 · answered by Anne 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Crystal if your relationship is not what you want & no talking helps. Don't get married . it will only get worse.
Being young gives you the option of starting over early in life. Your call can you make him love you & respect you.?????? Is he willing to try if the answer is no than the choice is made for you. There are a lot of nice people out there. That will open up to you .& treat you well.
Enjoy life be happy
2007-02-07 08:53:40 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I see both sides.
You want him to be romantic.
He wants you to accept his love the way he shows it.
It really sounds like BOTH of you are just about yourselves. He has to love you YOUR way, and he doesn't want to spend time with you the way you want to spend time together.
If you love him, then what is all of this talk about what he is not doing?
Loving him is what are YOU doing. So if you want to spend time with him, start doing things he likes.
If he likes to watch sports, then get interested and watch sports with him. Don't expect him to change everything just because you don't feel loved.
Now if I was talking to him, I'd tell him the same thing. So don't feel like I'm picking on you.
But he is not here, you are. So you get the lesson on love.
Love is not a feeling, it's action. So if you really mean what you say when you say you love him, then do the actions that speak love to him.
Once you are speaking love to him, then ask him if he would consider speaking your love language.
I suspect he does things that indicate he loves you. They just don't connect because they are not your love language. So you get upset because he "doesn't love you." He gets frustrated because he does love you, and wonders why he keeps trying becuase you keep telling him in word and actions that he doesn't love you, and it spirals downward.
Your last phrase, "but if a man won't give me...." doesn't sound like love, but entitlement.
The two are 180 degrees apart.
2007-02-07 08:47:55 · answer #5 · answered by camys_daddy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are truly not happy with the relationship that you have allowed to continue for 5 years then you have one of two choices. Either put up with it and stop griping or leave and find a new relationship. It doesn't seem as though the first choice will work unless he is willing to listen to you...and he must be willing to listen.
2007-02-07 08:27:57 · answer #6 · answered by IGH3Rat 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
It seems like after 5 years, you should be feeling happy, secure, emotionally secure, loved, and protected by your boyfriend. In my opinion, I'd rather be alone than to be treated negatively. I would say that he sounds uncaring and selfish. I'm not sure what you find lovable about him, it sounds so sad a pointless to be in a so-called relationship and feel so unloved.
2007-02-07 08:37:08 · answer #7 · answered by Sabine É 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would tell him how you feel and that these things make you unhappy and that something needs to change to meet your needs. And if he is not willing to change or try to meet your needs then you do not see the relationship working.
Be honest when it comes to matters of the heart, you do not want to 60 years old looking back like you could have done better or lived a little more. No regrets!!
2007-02-07 08:31:56 · answer #8 · answered by sweetybaby 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you are really unhappy then you should leave. There's no excuse for sticking around in a bad relationship. However, if it is only small things that are annoying you, talk to him about it and come up with ways you can work on improving the relationship. Good luck in whatever you choose!
2007-02-07 08:28:51 · answer #9 · answered by Christabelle 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You need to sit him down and tell him exactly how you feel, if he truly loves you he will understand and try to change. But don't expect miricles overnight, and he may never change. You have a right to be happy in your relationship and right now it doesn't sound like you are. If he can't give you what you need, find someone who can and write him off as a bad experiance.
2007-02-07 08:28:09 · answer #10 · answered by Kevin J 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋