Marriage Issues....?

Question

I dated this guy for about 4 years. We got along very well and I was so happy and so in love with him. I really thought that he was "the one". Towards the end of the relationship we had some little issues just as every other couple does. The relationship ended when I asked him if he would marry me and he said no. Well, several months later I met someone new and we married. Throughout all of this I remained close friends with my Ex. He never dated anyone else through all this. Now I have been married to my hubby for about a year and things are pretty bad. I see my Ex on a regular basis and I still love him very much. What do you all think about this? He says HAD he married anyone it would have been me. I think maybe he is realizing that he made a mistake.

Answer 1

For heaven's sake. Your ex is playing you yet again. You are addicted to him playing with your head and messing up your emotions. It strikes his ego and yours. Of course things in your marriage are bad because you keep on entretyaining that fantasy that never happenned and will never happen.
Go ahead, get a divorce and see your loser ex-boyfriend run away and diss you once more.

Some women will never learn. Eessh!

Answer 2

I think your ex is playing you for a fool.

You dated this guy for four years and you didn't get married. That means he wasn't interested in you. He's still not interested in you. He's interested in having sex with no committment attached.

People do what they want to do. He didn't want to marry you. You chose someone else, someone you didn't know very well and probably didn't love as much, to marry. Now you are in a messy situation.

You can tell how much someone loves you by how much they invest into their happiness.Your Ex obviously doesn't care about your happiness, because if he did, he would try to help you fix your marriage. Exes are an ex for a reason.

I don't see why you bring up your Ex not dating anyone else during the time which you've been married. Like it matters. It's bollocks. He may not have been dating, but he was most certainly sleeping around.

You have to be mature about this. Your Ex does NOT have your best interests at heart, and if you think he does, you are seriously mistaken.

I see you claim to love your ex twice in your question, but you never mention love for your husband. Was he a rebound? Were you so upset that you married someone else to make the Ex jealous?

It's time you start being honest with yourself. If you have been messing around with your Ex...then I feel sorry for your husband. You've brought him nothing but pain and confusion.

And men will say anthing to get in your pants, you know that. You know what's really going on here, you just don't care because you are so wrapped up in your own feelings and emotions and this fantasy you have with your Ex.

You can leave your husband, but your Ex won't marry you. In fact, he may lose interest after you separate from your husband.

If you loved your Ex, you wouldn't have married someone else. The both of you are playing a dangerous game that only one person can win. And it's probably not going to be you.

-E

Answer 3

Too bad. can we say commitment? Did you just marry your husband on the rebound? People today find it way to easy to just get a divorced. Now marriage don't mean anything. Happiness is a choice. You can choose to be happy were your at now or you can chase this other guy and find that he either isn't interested or that maybe he's interested but you'll later find that he's not perfect either. This is all part of being a responsible adult.

P.S. Sever ties with the ex it will only bring problems.

Answer 4

Well, that's great that your ex can say that now that your married! Get it???? But did he stand up and marry you when he had a chance? NO!!!!! Why are you wasting your energy on even thinking about what could of been? It's over!!! The dude had is chance, and you need to remind your self of that! Be real! Now you are married, and you should be putting all your priorities into this marriage-trying to make it work....Stop running into the other guy, and concentrate on your hubby. Your letting you dreams get mixed up with the real world. I can almost bet you if you became single, it would be a re-run story with your ex! Ask him now-he will tell you can-if he is honest. I am sorry to tell you, he does not love you that way!! Good luck-think smart...

Answer 5

I've been there. Marriage is really hard to come to terms with sometimes after you are in one. Most of my friends had a bit of a cry after they were married. You really need to focus on what you have NOW......when you became engaged, why didn't your ex try to win you back? You really need to to think about it, maybe you need space from your ex, you don't want to leave your hubby and then find out that he really was the one. Just don't have kids now. Wait it out, talk to your hubby about the tension, maybe you just need to do more things together. I don't think that you can ever really forget about "that" ex....but you do need to focus on now....and now is with your hubby. Good luck sister.

Answer 6

I think you are absolutely correct. Why the hesitation on his part? It's kinda like an old Cinderella song Don't know what you got till its gone. I would say if it is early in the relationship with your current husband and there is no baggage (kids), then I say get out and be with who you really should be with. However, make sure with the ex this is what you both want and if it is I think you'll both be happier. It sounds like the two of you have it for each other. Good luck.

Answer 7

If there are no children involved, and its still early in the marriage, You need to do what makes YOU happy. We only have one life, and we need to live it the way we want to live it, we need to make the best of it.
Make sure your ex isnt playing mind games with you, since you are married now, make sure that he is gonna be with you, and he wants to make the relationship work.
Its sad, for your husband..but someday he will be happy, if you really think about it...Would your husband want to stay married to you, if he knew you were not happy..? I sure wouldnt want to be with someone if i knew they werent really happy...
Go on with your life, and be happy, whatever that may be...
Your husband now, may thank you some day, for letting him go...because he could end up being with someone, that is right for him....
Before you go and do anything, talk to your ex, let him know you may leave your husband...make sure its not a game...
And then make your desicion..
Life is to short to be miserable...Be Happy...
Wishing you the best...

Answer 8

Think about what you are doing. You can NOT force urself to love someone whom you do NOT love...Ask yourself---do U love your hubby???? If the answer is no then let him go so he can find someone who will love him for him...Do you still love your EX???? IF the answer is yes then you have not made a tru marriage with ur hubby.....SEE?

Answer 9

Sounds like you were in love with the idea of getting married, and just got married to the wrong one.
There is a reason it is "customary" for the man to propose, and that is so they can't say you gave them an ultimatum or rushed them into something they weren't ready for. It makes them feel in control of the relationship and where it is going.

The one you did marry was probably ready to be married, but not the one you truly loved.

Answer 10

Nope. I'm thinking that he is looking back and saying.. wow.. if i was the marring type... you would work well. But.. he isn't.. so he won't.

keep in mind that your CURRENT problems may be due to the relationship you have maintained with your ex.