2007-02-07 08:08:28 · 23 answers · asked by vogue69 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I guess after you have perfected yourself and have met every expressed need of your partner, and this is confirmed by an unbiased marriage/relationship professional, then you explain to your spouse that I've done all of these thing and yet the professionals indicate that you are still not keeping your vows.
I will no longer be married to someone who is not willing to work on being a good spouse.
And you file for divorce.
It's important that an impartial party judge your efforts and results, so that a decision based on facts and not emotion is made.
2007-02-07 08:13:45 · answer #1 · answered by camys_daddy 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would want to know how long you have been married? how old is he? Ask him if he feels hen pecked, controlled, denied, unhappy, selfish, confused... then ask why he feels this way (if he will admit to anything). If he is looking, he is probably not feeling an "intimate" connection. Not saying that this is right or wrong, but that's where I would start. I did the same thing to my wife... we are still trying to figure out where we are and what's going on, but she believes I am going through some sort of mid life crisis. I am just unhappy with everything, especially her. I have decided to be COMPLETELY open and HONEST. Tell him he can tell you ANYTHING, no matter how much it will hurt you and you will listen. I know I was afraid to tell my wife what I was thinking because I did not want to hurt her, since I was unsure what I wanted myself... on the other hand, telling my wife EVERYTHING didn't really help, yet... I have hope that she will understand and be patient with me, or tell me to get out and just be done with it. We did try marriage counseling, I tried individual counseling - they did not help, when you don't really know what the problem is you can't address it. He may not want to talk, don't badger him to talk, it will only make him feel more distant and misunderstood. Tell him he can be HONEST with you and you will not hold it against him. Only say this if you MEAN it. If he opens up, don't be angry, just tell him it's ok and we will work on it. BTW it may be hurtful to you to hear things, just realize he may be very confused and not really himself.
2016-03-15 08:54:34 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't hire an attorney right away. If you want to end it gracefully, you two talk about the division of assets and debts. If you involve an attorney, the other party will hire one. At this point, it won't be you and your spouse's dispute, it will become attorney game.
I've done this before, but for me, we couldn't come to terms with our settlement. I had to fire an attorney that I hired first, and get another one, after 2 years of going back and forth.
It's hard enough to go through a divorce, without a family attorney.
Good luck, and it will be over soon or later.
2007-02-07 08:21:39 · answer #3 · answered by Pluto 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Be honest, be true to your feelings (and not honest like: I honestly thing that you are a @sshole)....you need to stay focused on your feelings. Keep a clear and open mind. Its always hard, even that 2 week, 9 year old crush was hard. You are an individual, how you react and act defines you. If you want this to be graceful, then be graceful. You cared for your spouse very much at one time, so be graceful out of respect for what you had. Good luck.
2007-02-07 08:48:35 · answer #4 · answered by Ms Z 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, I belive that I did in in a grafeully and civilzed way.
In a very caring and loving voice, I told him taht I knew that he wasn;t happy and that I wasn;t happy either. I told him that there was no point in continuing meaking each other unhappy and that I wanted a divorce. I added that life is too short to be miserable and that I wanted for him to be happy even if that meant happy with someone else. I told him that I loved him and that I wish him happiness and the best. He agreed and there were no tears, no drama, no yelling.
Good luck
2007-02-07 08:23:06 · answer #5 · answered by Blunt 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you've tried all the ways to save it, then your spouse should be aware that there is a problem. Tell your spouse of your intentions and go see a lawyer.
2007-02-07 08:15:03 · answer #6 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just try to keep a calm, caring (I know that sounds crazy) voice, and sit the spouse down and say, "I care about you, but we both know this isn't working." Let them know that it's over, but try to maintain an amicable dealings with the person. After all, it's both your faults, so why antagonize one another about it? Sometimes things just don't work out.
2007-02-07 08:12:12 · answer #7 · answered by a_lot_smarter_now 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
it would still be the fair thing to do to discuss it with your spouse first, maybe they are willing to make some changes, maybe the pure shock of ending it will change them completely for the better. but if u can't, than never blame them, or destroy their self worth in the process just tell them that u believe u are going down a different path than they are, and it isn't the path u want for your life.
2007-02-07 10:58:31 · answer #8 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you can do your best to be graceful...but if HE isnt feeling graceful...it will not be all lovely like you hope. i went through a divorce that was relatively " easy", and even so...it was a VERY difficult year. we have kids and of course that makes it so much more complicated. the adjustments are difficult no matter what, especially if you dont have the support of family(which i didnt). but i did have the support of a few good friends, and i really leaned on them. i will be forever grateful. my family has now come around. still...that year was awful.
my final thought to you...is that life is short...and you deserve to be happy:)
all the best.
2007-02-07 08:16:32 · answer #9 · answered by dali333 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I guess if you have tried everything, and there is still communication between you both. Than you must sent down with your partner, and tell them your true feelings. The other person must know that it is hopeless, but doesn't want to be the first to admit it.
2007-02-07 08:16:35 · answer #10 · answered by lariat_sonata 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋