Very recently, and quite suddenly a co-worker became very distant with me. I let it go for a while, then tried to deal with the situation. I asked her if I had said, or done something to offend her. She curtly answered "no", yet continues to be very icy with me, and will only discuss professional matters (although she isn't nasty with it). I had also said to her that had I said or done something wrong, I'd like to right the matter. To that, she made no comment but continues with this behavior.
I feel I've given her the opportunity to tell me if I'd offended or done something wrong. This isn't my imagination, because another co-worker noticed her behavior. If nobody else is around, the icy co-worker won't even say goodbye when she leave work, but if someone is there,she'll say "see you guys".
What if anything can I do? I'm being made to feel as though I've committed some sort of offence, yet could very innocently continue to do whatever it was that has caused the upset.
2007-02-07 07:47:49 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Other - Society & Culture
Further...this co-worker is fine with others, but very distant with ME.
2007-02-07 07:55:17 · update #1
You've already received some good comments. I'll add that I suspect she does believe you betrayed her in some way.
This has happened to me before. A co-worker suddenly stopped talking to me unless he absolutely had to, and then his manner was very cold. Like your co-worker, he denied anything was wrong. Months later, he approached me to say that he thought I had reported something he did to the boss, and he'd only recently discovered that another co-worker had done it. He thought by coming to me with an apology that everything would be OK. But it wasn't. He'd treated me as shabbily as he thought I had treated him.
Whatever your co-worker thinks you did to her (assuming this is the situation), she is behaving just as badly as she may think you have.
At this point, you've done all you can do. I especially like how you told her that you'd like to right the matter.
The hard part now may be to maintain a matter-of-fact attitude about her when others mention her changed behavior to you. You don't want to get into a deal where you start trashing her to others in response to her behavior, which might be tempting.
I'd continue to be pleasant and professional to her.
2007-02-08 14:39:11 · answer #1 · answered by Rienzi H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear Cher:
It seems as though you have done what is reasonable. You mentioned co-worker so I take it you are not the immediate supervisor and that you are an equal. If not, that would introduce another aspect to the issue. However, assuming you are an equal then consider having a meeting away from your immediate work environment to explain how you are being made to feel and because you believe that your co-worker is also a friend you are asking for an explanation. If your co-worker is reluctant to do so; then consider yourself fortunate in that it is better that it happened at this time and not at a time when you may have had to depend on him/her on a work related or personal matter.
PS. If you find that you were the cause for the sudden change in behavior then accept it and sincerely apologize for it.
Best Wishes,
2007-02-07 16:09:42 · answer #2 · answered by Fresh choice 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does this co-worker talk to anyone else, like confide in them? Your best bet would be to maybe ask around, see if she's spoken to anyone else about you. Chances are, she's spoken to someone about the situation (it's human nature to want to vent to others, especially if you are angry). If no one has heard anything, I'd approach her once more, or maybe even give her an apology card .. something that says "I'm sorry", and that may help her open up to what she's feeling. Unfortunately, only she decides when and if she will talk to you. You may never know what happened. Good luck!
2007-02-07 15:54:13 · answer #3 · answered by Duckie314 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have tried to rectify the problem by confronting her about her sudden change of behavior. She has decided to avoid giving you a reason (if there is one). My thought is that if she wanted to discuss whatever is bothering her she would have done so when you raised the issue. It might be time for you to just move on and drop the issue, despite how troubling that may be for you. It is clear she won't open up, at least right now.
2007-02-07 15:53:56 · answer #4 · answered by Coleen P 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been where you're at. It very well may NOT be you. Maybe they are having personal issues. As frustrating as it is to deal with, tell yourself that it is not you, it is HER. It was hard for me to do that, but after a month or so, I felt so much better. Trust me on this, you have done NOTHING wrong here. Good luck!
2007-02-07 15:52:32 · answer #5 · answered by jessiekarma 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would turn the situation around and avoid her completely. If there's anything left to save, she'll come to you.
The real question is how to get you to quit trusting your coworkers when they are being nice to you. Lick that and you'll be CEO someday and you can fire whatsername!
2007-02-07 15:52:35 · answer #6 · answered by Curt 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you lost me at very recently... too long of a question. Sorry I cant help.
2007-02-07 15:50:22 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You Can't
2007-02-07 15:51:44 · answer #8 · answered by Hi 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋