How do you know when enough is enough?

Question

My husband says he is too stubborn to change. He is tired of hurting me, but doesn't want to change. He doesn't physically abuse me, but does verbally. I never do anything right, and he constantly has to redo things I've done because it is not good enough. He always tells me how fat and lazy I am, but then turns around and tells me how beautiful I am and how much it means to him for all the things I do. We have a daughter that will be 2 next weekend, and we both love her very much. I know she will be sad if she doesn't see him everyday, but I know she'll suffer more if we stay together just for her. I'm afraid that if I leave I will regret it later. How do I know it's the right time to end it?

I think we've hit the enough is enough mark. He took off on Sunday night and was gone all night. He didn't come home until Monday evening. He didn't seem to think he had done anything wrong.

Answer 1

If he admits that he won't change and you are unhappy, then you know its the right time to end it.

Answer 2

He is well aware of his actions and how he hurts you. How much crap are you going to swallow? You are setting an example to your daughter on how man should treat a woman. Would you want her to be in an abusive relationship? Children learn by what they see. Have some self respect. He insults you because you allow him to treat you like that. Verbal abuse is still abuse. If he is out all night he is cheating. The only thing you will regret later is not leaving sooner.

Answer 3

Does your husband apologize after saying the mean things he says? You say he is tired of hurting you and totaly contradicts what he said in the first place?

The reason I ask the above is I've been married to a man I love very much for 21 years. Around our 5th year he began to say mean things to me, such as you're experiencing. This steadily got worse, he began drinking. By our 8th year he was blacking out when he would have "eposodes".

Long story short, I finally had had enough and told him he needed to go to the doctor, he was not who I married anymore. He was diagnosed with Bi-Polar. By no means am I saying this is what your husband has, but is a possibility. Bi-Polar is genetic. Does anyone else in his family have the same mood swings?

Before you give up please try talking to your husband, see if anything else is going on that he hasn't told you, depression, stress anything. Talk to him about maybe going to the doctor or counsling with you or on his own.

My Husband told me he wasn't going to change and would apologize for the hurtful things he would say and do. He described it as being on the inside watching.

I understand how hurtful and deep words can cut. I'm still getting over what my husband put through emotionally, physically. Those wounds take a very long time to heal.

Prayer works. Pray hard. If you're not a believer, try it for a few months ( in his time). Our father brought us through and he has been my strenght to stay and have faith in our marraige.

As far as your little girl goes. Try and gently remind your husband little ears hear more than we give them credit for, but she is still young enough not to understand all of what Daddy says to Mommy. We have 2 boys, now both teenagers.

So if you really want to stay together communicate, calmly and ratioanally. Try to.

Bless you and I will say a prayer for you.

I should tell you my husband received help and is no longer the "mean" person he was.

Answer 4

When you are so tired of it all you turn to us here to give you the answer you already know. Your daughter will be fine, and it will be much easier on her at 2 than at an older age. Don't stay so long that you actually start to believe his hurtful words. He has told you this is the way he is, and this is the way it is going to be. Its time you told him how it is going to be and take your life back into your own hands. Set an example for your daughter at a young age on how a woman should be treated. If you stay and allow your daughter to grow up in this atmosphere, she will think it is perfectly acceptable and grow up to marry the same kind of man, turning to you with the same question you are asking us.

Answer 5

You do not stay in a relationship just for your child. You must do what is right for you. I'm going to tell you something else too. If you are being verbally abused then 9/10 times the physical abuse is not too far behind. My advice, GET OUT NOW!!!

Answer 6

Your hubby doesn't have the tools to change. If he wants to, there are programs. Call your local women's crisis center, and ask them about the classes for abusive men. Also, get some counseling for yourself. You guys can fix this with a little help from the free programs that they offer. Your husband will learn so much, and he will be so thankfull to finally have the tools to break the cycle. Dont wait, do it now. They are open 24 hrs. a day.

Answer 7

Verbal abuse is about as bad as physical abuse. Verbal cuts you to the bone--words are hurtful and damage self esteem. I will also venture to say his parents verbally abuse as well. Men just don't do this with out learning it and they learn it from dear old mom and dad.

If you're asking when the right time is to leave you know in your heart you must break away from this vicious cycle of verbal abuse.

Do it for yourself and the well being of your 2 year old child. No one should have to endure verbal or physical abuse! RUN FOREST RUN!

Answer 8

hi just maybe a break from eachother will be a good thing without seeing eachother awile then that gives you both time to think and see how much you really do miss eachother. hopefully in that time he will take the time to think about the things hes saying and doing to you because he needs the time away just to re think hes own feelings for you, as you seee life togher should be about fun and shering with your daughter not let things get this bad, so think talk and plan with hubbie and look at time on your own to do a little soul seaching that will help im sure.

Answer 9

You know it's the right time to end a relationship when you've been unhappy for quite sometime.Cool off.
Tell ya, your man hasn't grown up yet. I know it hurts to leave him and see your daughter look for him but i think it's your best choice.
Follow your heart and your instinct so you wouldn't regret it in the long run.

Answer 10

You are right it is not good for your little girl to witness this abuse she will grow up thinking it is normal for men to talk to her like that and you don't want that. If he wont go to counseling or change for the better then he does not care about you at all and I don't think that you will ever regret leaving him I t will be hard at first but once you get over it you will look back and say what the hell was I thinking? you deserve better move on for yourself and your child

Answer 11

Personally verbally abuse is the sign to go, you obviously discussed this with him and he’s not willing not to change. You are fighting a losing battle, that environment is not for you or your daughter. If you stay with him and he continue to behave like he does, your going to be sending your child the wrong message, your telling her that it’s ok to be with someone who makes you fell unworthy. You as a person should know when enough is enough, and for some reason I believe you had enough.