Am I wrong for being angry at my husband?

Question

Last night while watching American Idol my husband asked my
daughter to get him a beer. Now mind you Lisa is always a well
behaved, well mannered 11 year old. So this really shocked us,
when she said "No, get it yourself, I'm watching tv".

Without saying a word my husband got up, put Lisa across his knee and spanked her and sent her to her room and said no tv for the rest of the week.

Granted Lisa needed discipline, but to get a spanking in front of the
whole family I felt was uncalled for. I think he owes her an apology
for spanking her like that.

Am I justified for being angry?

He did say, Please get me a beer.

He didn't beat her, he gave her 2 smacks on the butt

Answer 1

No, you're right. Why can't he get his own beer? Kids aren't little slaves. I used to hate when my parents did that, too lazy to get up and get their own stuff. She did need discipline, because that was disrespectful, but she shouldn't have to fetch his beer for him in the first place.

Answer 2

I don't think we have enough information. Everyone is jumping to the conclusion that your husband is treating your daughter like a slave. You don't justify that conclusion in your question. Did he ask her, "Lisa, would you please get me a beer?" Or did he order her - "Lisa, get me a beer!" If he asked her politely, and got that rude response, then Lisa needed to be delt with swiftly and appropriately. It doesn't sound like your husband lost control - instead, he did what he felt was necessary to address her snide response. That sort of attitude should never be tolerated by either parent. If that was the case, and you feel angry, you need to have a discussion with your husband, but understand that he will probably feel justified.

Of course, if that was the case, Lisa needs to understand clearly that a politely addressed request, even if out of line, deserves a polite response.

On the other hand, if he ordered her to get a beer simply because he was too engrossed in the show to be bothered, then he was dead wrong. Especially if she was just as engrossed. Then he really was treating her like a slave and he was completely unjustified. If this is the case, you need to talk to your husband to make him see how he was out of line, and then HE has to apologize to Lisa.

The answer to your question really depends on the actions and tone each person had prior to the spanking. And the fact it was a beer is totally immaterial, a complete red herring.

Answer 3

Your daughter was wrong for what she did, and I know I act the same way sometimes with my parents. However, I do not think a public disciplining was necessary.

They both should apologize to each other. Him for spanking her infront of the family, and her for being rude to her father. He is an adult/elder and she is to respect him. And in the same way, he should respect her, if she is busy, occupied or really into something he should consider that before inturrupting what ever it is she is doing and he could also consider the way he asked, maybe it was too demanding or maybe it was just flat out rude.

You have every right every form of discipline has a place, time and should fit the crime. Infront of the family is the wrong time for sure.

Call the two in together and get them to talk about it, hopefully apologize too. Also, talk about the spankings. She may think she is too old for a spanking (even though you and your husband may think one is never to old for a spanking) sometimes it is embarassing and takes a small blow to the self esteem, even more so when it is done in view of others.

Answer 4

An 11 year old is to old to be spanked, especially by the opposite sex. Although your daughter should have gotten in trouble for talking to him like that, I do beleive he owes her an appology but make the TV thing stay

Answer 5

Well, how angry are you? I think you are justified for being angry, but there is proportionate and disproportionate anger. I think it is inappropriate for you husband to ask your 11 year old daughter to get him his beer. I think if Lisa is generally well behaved and well mannered, she probably has only rare moments like this and was punished disproportionately, especially at the age of 11. If she is a good kid, there is no need to be so harsh with her, especially in front of the whole family.

Answer 6

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?????
Your husband was WAY out of line. First of all you don't send a child to get you an alcoholic drink. You want a beer so bad get it your self. That there was wrong.
As for the spanking part, can I ask what he was thinking?
She's 11 she's getting to that age where she's going to talk back, and give you lip, but to put her over your knee and spank in front of the family...????... I agree with you, I too would be angry.
When children deserve to be spanked I'm all for it, but over that little incident, no he's needing to be saying he's sorry and spoiling her for a few days.
Good luck!

Answer 7

Although not exactly saying it... but her reply is like saying
F U get it yourself, it showed lack of respect, was rude
and deserved to be addressed.

The spanking wasn't thought out, it just happened
Like a child running into the street, you spank as a normal reaction.

Lisa is getting to the age where kids rebel, this could of been
a way for her to test out the waters, and see what she can get away with.

What would be moms response be if you asked her to
get the laundry and she said No, get it yourself?

I say no apology, leave things the way the are,
and learn from this.

I bet Lisa doesn't say get it yourself anymore.

Answer 8

By that age I think spankings need to be done with. She's just too old. Making her go to her room and taking away tv for a week were appropriate.

For everyone saying kids aren't slaves, it's not like he was making her go out and pick cotton for 12 hours a day! He made a simple request of his daughter (and I see no difference between a beer and a glass of water here) and he was talked back to. Yes, its no fun to be a kid and have to do chores, but its part of growing up.

Kids should not be allowed to get away with being rude to their parents.

Answer 9

For being new at this you sure can ask one crazy @ss question....First of all your child should not have to get your husband beer. Second she should not have talked to him like that either..So they were both wrong..Him of r asking and her for the response back to him..They need to sit down and talk...But for her to get a spanking...That is absurd!...She is friggin' 11 years old..My children have not needed a spanking since they were about 5 years old...There are better ways of disciplining a child at that age that hitting them..Sound kind of sick and perverted to me...I would be pissed off!!...And he would darn sure know about it...ss

Answer 10

No you are not. Sounds like your daughter needed it. Its called nipping a problem in the bud even though the request was for a beer. One thing I might ask, was it an order or a question preceeded by the word please? Even if it was not a question, repect for elders is dissappearing. I must add though that the Elders must command respect by their own acitivities and not dictatorial rule. Not knowing your family structure, the question is a tough one to answer, Time for a family meeting or at least discuss the question with your husband. If he has no other answer than she will do what I tell her no matter what, and if he is normally lazy, then its time to be angry. But remember never let the sun go down on your relationship

Answer 11

For one... i don't think a spanking was called for with that response. I can understand spanking for more serious matters. But he should have pulled her aside and said something or just sent her to her room so she couldn't finish watching tv. You should be angry b/c she is 11 and shouldn't be getting spanked in front of the family and shouldn't be getting spanked if she is a well discplinied child.. he should have just sent her to her room for saying that. That was completely wrong and so not worth spanking her for. I think he owes her an apology for that also.