My brother confided in me and wants my approval<<?????

Question

My brother who is 35 years old was over last night and we had a few beers. I could tell something was bothering him, so after some time, he confided in me and asked not to say anything to our family yet, and is in desperate need of my approval, due to my job (5-O). He says hes in love with this woman and has asked her to marry him and she said "yes", and I do know this woman, and so do many of my co-workers, and she is a prostitute, and has been arrested several times. Granted she is a good looking woman, but her long criminal history is very questionable. He said that she is willing to give up her job, and be a good wife, and be supportive, and be a good mom and does love him with all her heart. He says he wants to have babies with her, and actually confided he used to be a client, but now they are in love. Of course I was shocked, and I cannot go with my first instince, but he seems to be truly in love, neither of them have any kids (so she claims), don't know? Any suggestions??

Answer 1

Run an NCIC and a credit check on her for him. Don't tell him you are doing this unless something really bad pops up.

As long as she's not heavily and debt and does not appear to have a current serious drug problem then I don't see a problem.

It can be embaressing if they're out and run into her old customers though.

Ideally if they could start over someplace else it would be a lot easier but that's not always possible.

In the end hopefully love can conquer all.

Answer 2

I would advise Pre-marital counseling. He may be in love but can he truly get past her past? Is he a jealous person by nature? People can change, but only if they want to. As his brother all you can do is let him know how you feel about it and let him know how much you love and care for him. But he is 35 and he is going to do what he wants regardless. Are you prepared for what your co-workers might say? If the two of you have a good relationship, support him and make sure that he is mentally ready for all the baggage that she will bring into this relationship. He was a client, so legally they were both wrong. Give him the approval of happiness, not the approval of the relationship until you know that he has thoroughly thought this thing through. Again, pre-marital counseling would be a good place to start.

Answer 3

There is nothing you can say or do, your brother is a grown man and therefore is entitled to make decisions regarding his life as he wishes. You say he asked your approval? Well you tell him the truth of how you feel, but then of course the decision will be his to make. Keep his confidence and do not get involved by letting family members know. If he does marry this woman they will sooner or later find out anyway. The only thing I would recommend for you to advise him is for him to at least wait a few years after being married to this woman to see if she indeed has changed before he decides to have children with her. Hope I was of some help for you!

Answer 4

When two people love each other anything else can be worked out. Look back at the children's fable, Beauty and the Beast. Religion is another obstacle couple are still dealing with (mostly from family members). Race. Wealth and age are also a barrier for some people to deal with. I'll admit, prostitution is not a favorable profession to deal with, but it is his decision to handle it and that to me is what love is all about, to deal with the good as well as the bad (of course if she means what she says about giving it up).

Answer 5

Wow this is a tough one. I would let him tell the family in his own time but I would make the suggestion that before they get married that they seek a couples therapist and make sure they can work through all of it. If she is committed to being a changed person she will go IF NOT there is his proof. It will be hard for you for a long time but only time can or will tell in this situation. Some poeple do change but it is rare indeed

Answer 6

Yes, if your brother really loves this woman, and she's willing to change to be his wife and a good mother to their children. But she should change before he marries her, just so he won't waste money on something that was fake. And give her support to change and stay that way, and keep an eye on her just to make sure!!! Give her advice the whole nine yards to help her GOOD LUCK!

Answer 7

All you can do is support his decision. You can try and talk to him about all the issues, but in the end, he'll decide what's best.
Sometimes people just need to learn the hard way- I guess if he knows all the info you listed above, he doesn't have a problem with it and really believes it can work?

Answer 8

IMO, be there to support him in what ever he decides. That doesn't mean you have to agree with him and let him know that in the most respectful way possible.

I married a man who had an abusive past. The people who turned their backs on me when I decided to 'follow my heart' werent really looking out for my best interest. And I needed them to lean on when they turned out to be right.

Statistically, your brother will be needing your shoulder in the near future. Make sure it's there for him.

Good luck

Answer 9

hate to say it he will do what he feels in his heart no matter what anyone tells him hate to say you either will support him or not that's what is boils down too. will you stand by him when he says i do and will you be there when she breaks his heart? ask these Q's and you will have your answer. as for her past will the past is the past if she can prove to him before the wedding that she has quit this profession then i say give her a chance everyone deserves a chance till they give you no reason to trust them... good luck...

Answer 10

Whatever makes him happy and if that's what he wants, I don't think he was asking for approval but for some brother support!