What do you think of my persuasive essay?

Question

*will attach in additional details*

Is the Two-Party System Good for America?

The Democrats recently won the majority in both houses of Congress. They now have the power to do what they have been trying to do for the past 6 years: Stop the war in Iraq. They have taken extreme actions to stop the war they see as wrong and a waste of the lives of our soldiers; they have signed a non-binding resolution. The two-party system is inefficient, if not corrupt, and America would be better off if our representatives were independent.

One of the reasons that the two-party system in its current state isn’t practical is partisanship. One side believes that they always have to believe the opposite of the other, and vice versa. There is an, “If the other side believes it then it must be wrong,” mentality that makes it impossible to get anything done. An example is a bill that was rejected this summer. This bill was intended to raise the minimum wage. The Republicans, however attached a tax cut to the bill, and it was dropped

completely. The Democrats, who are known for caring for the poor, were so worried about not letting the Republicans get their way that they shot down their own bill. The political parties are no longer focused on what is best for America, but on defeating the other party. While we need differing opinions for Democracy to work, there is no need at all for a pre-defined set of differing opinions.

Modern politicians have lost sight of the point of their job: to pass laws to improve the United States and make it better. The parties that they had originally formed to advance their ideas are now no more than unions to keep them in office. They are also worried so much about offending anyone that barely anything gets done.

The founding fathers didn’t plan on the two-party system. There is no mention of political parties as formal entities in the Constitution. The founding fathers were trying to create a unified country, not one that bickers over petty little policies.

The Nation shouldn’t be divided on everything. America needs to come together and get things done.

Recently, there has been a trend called Bipartisanship. This is a step in the right direction, but not a big enough one. Bipartisanship is the working of both parties for the accomplishment of a single goal, but it generally only used in order to provide objective reports. It is not used nearly enough in the writing of laws. The very term bipartisan reveals its main weakness. There are still two different parties, and though they may be working together, they still have their own interests in mind. We need something even more drastic than Bipartisanship.

We need to get rid of political parties altogether. With the political parties out of the way, politicians will have to please the people, rather than their party. Candidates can think freely without the fear of losing the support of their party. The people can easily unseat a candidate that has ignored their wishes.

The common man can easily gain support and make his way into the political realm with little or no connections.

The two party system is no longer functioning as a tool for furthering America. It has become clumsy and inefficient. America needs a drastic change to counteract the polarization the political world. The country would be better off with a no-party political system.

rednecks: thank you for reading. I will see to both of your points.

Social D: you're right. poor math on my part. thanks for the catch.

Answer 1

Horrible. Your first paragraph is nonsensical. It starts talking about an effort to stop the war, then jumps to the 2 - party system being bad. There is no connection made between the 2 subjects, and the last sentence is completely unrelated to the rest of the paragraph.

You give no proof that a multi-party no no-party system would be better, you don't even give any arguments. You just state it and expect the reader to accept it without question.

Personally, I agree that a multi-party system would be a huge improvement, but this essay is horrible and not persuasive at all.

Answer 2

You reach several confusing conclusions.

1) You argue that the Democrats voted against the minimum wage bill when Republicans attached a tax cut because of partisanship. But you do not explore the possibility that Republicans attached the tax cut to the bill knowing that would kill it, a common legislative tactic.

2) You conclude that without political parties things would be much better, but offer no evidence of this. People still have different beliefs, even without political parties, there are still political ideologies. When parties disapear people and politicians will still have different ideas on the economy, abortion, social issues, war, etc. How will eliminating political parties smooth over these differences? Will it prevent factioning? How?

In short, your persuasive essay was not very persuasive.

Answer 3

The first thing I see wrong with it is you say the dems have been trying to stop the war in Iraq for 6 years but its only been going on for less than 4 years.

Answer 4

It's perfect!! BINGO!! You hit the nail on the head! Your statement couldn't be any closer to the truth!! Keep up the good work my friend. Yes the whole system suucks. It's time to go independant totally.

Answer 5

Not bad for a third grader. You are a third grader, aren't you?