Is marrying for love a bad idea?

Question

People change constantly - different views, tastes, even friends than a few years ago. If you marry someone, how do you know you will feel the same way in 25 years' time? Clearly many people don't, although they probably don't think that when they first get married.

Do people marry for security? If so, is there any part of law that can't be dealt with outside marriage? Marriage makes financial situations more secure in the event of a death, or if the relationship does not last - costly divorce and childeren aside. Can financial security be guaranteed outside marriage? When buying a mortgage together, can it be ensured that both persons are responsible for payment? If you have children, can it be guaranteed that if one leaves, s/he continues to pay child support/provide care? Can you legally define someone unrelated as your next-of-kin?

Perhaps you should only marry if you are in a financially weak situation, otherwise, what's the point? But I'm open-minded on this - any other views?

shdwtalker2002, why did you assume I'm not married?

I asked this in a general sense - I am not forcing the idea of marrying or not marrying on anyone. Religious views aside, I just wanted to know if you can guarantee financial security for your partner, in the event of your death, or for yourself in the even of a break-up, if you are not married but have common property?

Answer 1

Marriage for financial security is a bad idea. There is no reason to believe that current income guarantees future earnings. Sounds a bit like a mutual fund prospectus, but it is true.

Marriage should be based upon two people who are best friends first of all. If two best friends get married then they will last. Think about how many people have lifetime friendships, but not lifetime marriages.

As far as defining next of kin, there are laws but it is possible to identify someone as an inheritor. By the same token, if there is someone with a claim as next of kin, they will get legal precedent.

Marriage should not be based upon finances or security or even loneliness. Marriages that work are based upon two best friends with total trust in each other.

Take care,
Troy

Answer 2

I don't think you can ever "know" where you're going to be in 25 years' time. And it doesn't just go for marriage, it goes for everything else; it's a fact of life. Does this simple fact need to stop you from working to reach your goals? I believe the answer is no, but it may be different to someone else. I really don't know if the industry I'm working in now isn't gonna go bust in 2, 5, 10, 20 years; does this mean I should get by with as little as possible, and not try to learn more and better myself professionally? I think not. Same with marriage; sure I can't really "know" if the person I'm married to now will be the same person I'm with 20 years from now; but I enjoy marriage, including all the practical and legal benefits of it - so why would I spend my life worrying about what might or might not happen in the future? For all I know, I might be hit by a bus tomorrow, or be diagnosed with terminal cancer within a year; there's always a possibility. But I think the only way I can function is by assuming that things like this probably will not happen; at least not anytime soon. I tend to be fairly confident in the choices I make; I'm not too worried about myself or my husband "changing" because I feel we will be able to adapt to each other and resolve most issues that might crop up. I can't help but bet on the positive - otherwise I might as well put a bullet through my head. Because from a wider perspective, nothing in life really *has* a point.

Answer 3

Life does not come with any guarantees...we are born and we die, that is the only thing that a person can be sure of in this life.

Your example was for 25 years...go back in your history and think of the depression when rich men lost everything due to investments that was suppose to be secure. About any profession you go in is at some risk of folding or failing whether company or wrong-doings on your part. Marriage is the same way, when you marry it is for better or worse, richer or poorer, sickness and health, till death us do part. It is not written until love is no longer there, for we hope it always will be. Stop and think what it would be like if people today wanted a child but decided not to because "THERE COULD BE" a deformity it wouldn't take to many generations before we would become extinct

Answer 4

You bring up a good point, however when I got married. I didnt give a thought as to divorce, or funeral cost's,or child care. I only thought about why i was getting married. I had finally found that someone who made me feel complete. I do believe that marrying for love is as good a reason as any. I think I would rather be dirt poorin love, as to having money and sleeping next to a stranger at night. I dont think money is always the answer. I have seen money tear many couples apart, that being those who actually have more then enough. I also, know that many people do marry for the wrong reason's. All I know is, I have been married for 6 years. It hasnt always been easy, but when I look into my husbands eyes. I know 25 years down the road i will love him as much, if not more then the day we wed.

Answer 5

Marrying for love is the best idea, but there are so many other factors that simply get in the way of love that tend to confuse us. Ultimately, you should marry when you can truly see yourself with a person forever, and that's where it gets very tricky. People do change, but if two people are in love then they change together and not apart. Marriage is about partnership, give and take, compromise, selflessness, and support. Mostly emotionally, but this can apply to all areas of life. People shouldn't marry for financial reasons because you still never know what can happen. People do marry for any number of reasons, and most of them think it's love at first I suppose. It sure is an important decision in life, as it should be. Marriage truly is about two people becoming one, in a very big way.

Answer 6

Its a good idea, however! Marriage to the right person at the right time is even more important.

You have lots of questions and the only person I know who could answer them would be a traditional astrologer. Your chart will tell you everything, what you should avoid or go for in all different departments of life. Marriage , money, children, work, travel, friends. Wheter you should marry or not. When. Where you will find abundance and how to achieve it.

Take a look - this is not rubbish astrology from a computer printout, its the real McKoy.

www.astrotimes.net.au

Marriage is worth the research!

A cosmic smile

akbaby

Answer 7

Let me preface this by saying that I'm not married and the whole concept is kinda scary to me (for the same reasons you mentioned - all the ?s and what ifs).
I don't think love should be the *only* reason you get married. If I were to consider a mate for life, I would want to know a lot about him: financial issues (do we see eye to eye), education level (are we in the same ballpark? are we playing the same sport?), his net worth (if I were to die, would he be able to take care of our children?), parenting skills (will I have rear and dicipline on my own?)...the list goes on. I hate to sound shallow, but there is more to a relationship than love.

Answer 8

Marrying for love is a good reason! But you also have to be committed loyal and ready for marriage. Make sure you get married for all the right reasons and not all the wrong ones.

Answer 9

People now a days get married for all of those reasons.

And it's sad. "Marriage" doesn't mean a thing anymore.

I personally think "love" is the ONLY reason for marriage.
Otherwise, what's the friggin' point?

Answer 10

marrying when you THINK that you are "in love" is a bad idea, specially if you are too young to even know what loves is. Some youngsters believe that he/she is "the only one" just because they don't have any other experience to compare with and they honestly believe that they cannot do any better. Oh... foolish mistake.

Marrying when you KNOW that you are in love is different, because you are mature and know better and you are finacially and emotionally ready for it.

Good luck