I'm confused about how my 'best' friend has been acting recently.?

Question

I have known my 'best' friend for around 15 years. He is gay and I am not. Recently, he and his partner of 15 years trained for the foster care program and ended up adopting the child they had in foster care. I think this is a great thing because they - especially my friend - is an EXCELLENT parent.

Here's the thing - ever since they adopted - over two years ago, things have really changed between us. We used to talk at least two or three times a day and seen each other at least once a week. Now I'm lucky if we talk once a year.

We haven't had any type of arument or ill words, but it seems as if things changed VERY suddenly. One could almost get the impression that he now thinks he is 'better' than everyone else but when we do talk he always metions what he does with other groups of friends and it seems as if I'm left behind.

When I ask him if there is a problem, he always says 'no'. Any suggestions on how to approach this topic without 'coming to blows'.

Answer 1

I went through a similar thing when a friend of mine had a baby. We're not at all close like we were before. I think it's because we just don't have as much in common any longer. I don't have kids, she does. She hangs out with people in her neighborhood that have kids. Honestly, our lives are so very different. I don't think about what time to eat dinner or go to sleep. I can do what I want. She can't.

Regardless, stay in touch and keep as close as you can. Your friend appreciates you he's probably just so busy & overwhelmed with fatherhood. Maybe when the child gets a bit older he will have more time to spend with you.

Answer 2

Don't worry-I don't think anything is wrong. Here's a similar story to yours:

I asked a co-worker if he had seen his best friend and his wife lately, and he told me no, because since they have a baby, all they want to do is stay home-they're boring-they never wanna do anything.....

The point is that your friend is very busy and he and his partner are doing what parents do-making sure their kid comes first. They will probably want a sitter at some point so that they can have some "fun time" with friends, but they're probably not ready for that yet. Just be patient-they will eventually learn that it is ok to leave the kid with someone once in a while. BTW, my friend and his friends are straight, but they sound like what you're describing.

Answer 3

I thin kthe change was prob due to the fact that he is a father now! And he is raising his child and that is a huge deal that changes your entire life. I would just tell him that you miss him and wish you could meet up to catch up :)