Married couples vs privacy?

Question

Where do you think the line should be drawn with married couples and privacy? Should married couples be completely transparent with each other?
What is the difference between 'secrets' and 'privacy'?

Answer 1

This is my opinion. Privacy is respecting the other person's "personhood," secrecy is trying to hide something from someone.
Privacy is about know ing that my mate has the right to do some things alone, such as bathe. It's not a secret, I know what he's doing, I know he showers daily.
Secrecy is when he's trying to hide from me that he's showering daily with the girl next door.
So privacy is allowing someone to bask in their personal activites, knowing they have the right to do so.
Secrecy is me not knowing what is going on if it can hurt me, our marriage, our connection.
Privacy is a need, secrecy is a want. Everyone needs a degree of privacy.
When I'm making a surprise (cake, candy, blanket, art...) for my special person, I may not want them to know, then I have a need for privacy. STAY OUT OF THE KITCHEN, I NEED PRIVACY!

If I'm using our phone to meet someone for a date and I would rather cut off my arm then have him find out,(which I can't imagine doing), that would be secrecy. Secrecy in a relationship is LOUSY and threatens the well-being of the relationship.

Answer 2

I think there should be a line only when you feel like you can't depend on your mate to follow through with certain things such as finances. Yes I think married couples should be transparent to each other, because if you intend on staying in a marriage u shouldn't have any secret that he or she does not already know about. The difference b/w a secret and privacy is a secret hunts you for the rest of your life u r always think that everything your mate says has something to do with what you r hiding and privacy is more of a term you use when you r in a dating type of relationship. In a marriage everything should be on the table.

Answer 3

I've been married for 8 years now - there's not a lot out there about me that my husband doesn't know or hasn't witnessed - not because I really wanted him to see me throw up or use the bathroom, but things happen.

Let's put it this way...if there's something that is bugging you to tell or show your spouse, then you should probably do it. It's the gut instinct. We know when we should be honest.

Most of the time, privacy issues aren't even things that we would think about or be worried about. Our "gut" just doesn't respond and raise a red flag for us.

It also can be explained by the words we use for the situation - do you mentally think of yourself as "hiding" the action in question, or is it just something that you don't want the world to see?

Some couples just aren't interested in sharing the bathroom at the same time (like us) while others see no problem with it. There isn't a should or should not as far as privacy issues.

Now, when it comes to something that is raising those red flags or can be described as "hiding" information or something, then those are the types of things that should be shared.

HTH!!

Answer 4

Married couples should have privacy as well. its that mystery that keeps the romance burning. Dont allow too much familiarity between you that as times go by you will just treat each other as brothers and sisters instead of married couple.A secret is information withheld to someone and the one holding that secret is the sole informer while privacy is a personal space that no one can invade unless permitted by the individual.

Answer 5

I agree on no secrets, but I pretty much gave up my privacy when I said I do. I haven't had any since that time. Once in anwhile, I'd like to be ble to talk on the telephone, with friends, etc., without having to re-play and explain something overheard, or misunderstood because of "Little Miss Nosey Rosie can't be wrong." Otherwise, I think married coupes should share, communicate, love, and RESPECT each other......Privacy once in a while would be nice.

Answer 6

Speaking as one who's been happily married for almost 37 years, we have a healthy balance between sharing/disclosure and personal space.

In all these years, we've pretty much shared our deepest fantasies and desires - which is a wonderful thing.

That being said, we still extend one another personal space - to do WHATEVER one wants with it. That's why it's refered to as "personal space."

The issue with most couples is most often based in suspicion an doubt. That is just not healthy for a relationship.

We do NOT read one another's postal or email. That would just be sick. People are entitled to some privacy.

I don't have any worries that she's hiding something from me and she feels likewise.

Where is it written that couples have to have 100% disclosure about every little detail? And what exactly would be the point, anyway?

Hey, every relationship is different; I'm just telling you that in what we consider a "healthy" relationship, there aren't any concerns about "secrets" and "privacy."

Answer 7

My husband and I have been married for 5+ years. It think it is important to have privacy. Each person needs to maintain their own identity and it's healthy to want time and space for yourself. IMO, it's unhealthy when you need to spend 24/7 with each other. I am absolutely *crazy in love* with my husband, but we would get on each others nerves if we didn't have some private time.

As for the difference between secrets and privacy -- secrets are unhealthy and privacy is very healthy. If you find yourself keeping something from your partner in fear they will find out, that's a secret. If you find yourself wanted a little alone time, that's privacy.

Answer 8

The only privacy that I have from my wife is in the bathroom. I prefer to go to the bathroom alone. I just don't feel good about sitting on the toilet with my wife in the room.

Other than that I think that marriage should be transparent. If it is not distrust can develop and then the relationship is over. If you have anything to hide from your spouse than you have a problem, because your spouse is a part of you.

Take care,
Troy

Answer 9

It's not a matter of secrets and privacy

It's about living together as one, sharing your life as one, dealing with life as one.

You can still maintain your individuality within marriage, without having to feel the need to have "secrets" or being "transparent"

Answer 10

I guess my first question would be what is the reason you are wanting his password to his email and phone? Did something happen that makes you want to check up on him? If he has never given you a reason not to trust him and you are talking about marriage now then you SHOULD trust him and not need passwords. The only thing that snooping around will do is cause problems. You guys live 900 miles apart and he cares enough to pay to come see you/you him, on the weekends so that you guys can spend time together should say a lot. I would think if he was wanting to mess around or talk to other women he wouldn't want you to be around to find out....especially on the weekend. I'm sure that it is easier said then done to just fully trust him, does he know of your trust issues? And if so has he been supportive? I think I would leave well enough alone and not pursue the issues of passwords unless something happens and he gives you a reason to doubt him. And then in that case I would suggest you two TALK about it.