Should I confront my husband?

Question

I searched Myspace to see if my husband had an account so that I could add him as a friend, and I found his page. He didn't have anything on it, just his name, city, age, and Tom as his friend. I invited him, and told him later that I did so he could add me. He told me that he didn't have a page, he didn't know what I was talking about. This is a small town, so I know that no one has his name and is his age that lives here, so I said it had to be his. He told me that maybe it got set up from him logging into something else with his email and password (which I know isn't true), and he was acting all dodgy about it. Today, I searched his email to see if it really wasn't his page, and lo and behold it was! Do I confront him now to see why he lied about setting it up, or do I just let it go. Even if he set it up a long time ago and just never logged back in, I hate the feeling that he is lying to me. I don't know why he would hide it, but I hate to think of the possibilities.

In response to when he logged on last, it was yesterday.

Now that I read my question, I think something was unclear. I didn't snoop through his personal email account, I put his email in the search bar on myspace. And as far as that being snooping, it's a public site. The whole point of this question is not about him being on the site, it is about why he lied about it.

Answer 1

Your husband may have set this account up a long time ago and has since forgotten about it. Let it go. It is not that big of a deal

Answer 2

Well, first off, when your husband is confronted, how does he act? Does he get violent, quiet, angry or what? If he is known to keep his cool, you can confront him. Also, i do not think that your husband would be "cheating" on you. If you do not believe me, you can check his comments and everything. Also, he only has one friend (from what you said).
If you do not want to confront him, i can give you a few ideas and thoughts about what might have happened.
I too, live in a rather small town, and not many people know me. Yet someone made a page on myspace for me...So....it COULD be one of his friends.
Also, he might have made it a long time ago and forgotten.

If you totally cannot stand it, then just confront him. Don't use an accusing tone, just be nice and keep your cool. =)

--Tamino

Answer 3

I'm trying to imagine what I would if that same situation occured between me and my husband. I would personally confront him becuase I couldn't live with all the thoughts spinning around my head creating all sorts of horrible scenarios. I think by not confronting him you will end up carrying all these yucky feelings inside of you and you'll never have any resolve. You would probably end up acting different from your husband, as well, which could make the relationship worse. The fact that your husband became so defensive about your previous confrontation makes me wonder if he really was up to no good. For example, if I post a message with no harmful intents then why would I be defensive if my spouse questioned me about it? However, if I was trying to hide something, I'd end up over-reacting. There's no need to over-react if you're not guilty, at least that's the way I see it.

Answer 4

okay, I know you're getting lots of mixed opinions on here, but here's what I think you should do:
He lied to you. If you don't confront him, he may think he got away with it and who's to say he won't lie about anything else? I mean, don't divorce him (like one person said)- this is something you two can work out. I don't feel he should have anything to hide from you though. You deserve to be told the truth. If you don't tell him, you'll be holding in this anger as well, and it WILL come out somewhere down the line, but in a more violent way (trust me, the feeling of mistrust won't just go away). Your best bet is to calmly tell him the situation, tell him you wouldn't be mad if he was honest, and get through it that way. If that doesnt help, there's always counseling. Good luck & I hope this helps!

p.s. be sure not to accuse him! perhaps he did it a long time ago and he forgot! he only has tom as a friend anyway... or maybe he just did it so he could see your profile, and now he feels dumb. Maybe it'll be an inside joke later on down the road. :)

Answer 5

I'm not sure why some people feel the need to lie about things - even when they're not that big of deal. I would confront him and reassure him that you only want the truth, you're not out to look for something to be mad about. He's probably just afraid that you're going to be mad and feels that lying will protect him from your anger. What some people don't understand is that truth is usually more welcome and lying will only make things worse.
I would say ask him to respect you and admit your fears, ask him if you can go through his email accounts and cell phone with him sitting right beside you. There should ~not~ be secrets between spouses, it just causes doubts (even there don't need to be)
I totally disagree with people who tell you that you don't need to know every thing about each other...when your spouse has a profile on MySpace you have a right to know why. 100% transparency with your spouse is the only way to go.

Good luck!

Answer 6

Your husband has just proved himself to the a liar. Although I feel it was wrong to check his e-mail, sometime the ends justify the means. If he lied about the account he has probably lied about other things too. If your relationship is good, ignore the lie but keep your eyes open. If the relationship is bad anyway, don't confront him on this but, again, keep you eyes open for other things. If you find more lies, confront him and either get him to go to a marriage counselor to work through the problem or leave him and find someone who loves and respects you enough to tell you the truth.

Answer 7

You should confront him. Even if it is a small thing like that, he is stilll lying to you. He is your husband and he lied to your face TWO times. But maybe the problem isn't just myspace, it is that you guys didn't have a lot of trust in your relationship in the first place. But the bigger question here is. why would your husband get a myspace and then deny it?

Answer 8

While you have caught him in an apparent deception, consider whether this particular lie is worth conflict. You know he is lying. You also know he has a secret life on the internet. If he spends a lot of extra time on the computer at home while you're asleep or out, then you might want to install spyware just to see what he is doing and/or to whom he is talking while you are not with him. If your spyware turns anything up, then you need to find yourself a good lawyer. Once the divorce papers are served, then you can chew him out. Otherwise, he has no reason to take your rant seriously.

Answer 9

You shouldn't be worried if there weren't any other females or explicit images on his page. I do not understand why he would be want to avoid the topic, however. Maybe his reason for setting up the page was something he now regrets? Couples should be HONEST with each other, and avoidance is just as bad as lying. Maybe if you say something like, "I love you, but I'm concerned about this Myspace. It fits your description, and even has the same e-mail. You may not be telling me something, or maybe this is a case of identity theft. I can't help the situation unless you help me by agreeing to cooperate."

Answer 10

Should I confront my husband?

Answer 11

Yes confront him. Ask him why he lied.
My theory on the whole avoiding thing is this......

If you have to hide it or lie about it, you shouldnt be doing it.

So, hes doing something that he doesnt want you to know about. Find out what it is.
And tell him now that you know he lied, its gonna be a long time for you to rebuild your trust in him. Explain to him never to lie to you about anything. NOTHING!
GOod luck girl