My daughter is 14 and has been invited to the high school prom....please read more inside?

Question

Normally, I am fairly strict and she is not allowed to actually date until she is 16. She's allowed to go on group outings if there is a parent present, but that is it. The thing is, I am 100% sure I have breast cancer that has spread to the bone. I have a doctor's appointment on the 20th to find out for sure. But I'm a nurse and as much as I tried to ignore all the signs, I'm sure that's what they will tell me.

So, I'm now wondering if maybe I should let her go - just to the prom and home, no parties afterward. The boy who asked her isn't someone she would ever date and she has told him that if she can go, she wouldn't ditch him or anything, but for him not to think it's anything more than friends. It's a really small school, so they will be well-supervised at the prom. Under any other circumstances, I wouldn't let her go. But what if this is the only prom I'll get to be around for? That really scares me.

Answer 1

First and foremost I will keep you in prayer and do know that there are support groups for cancer patients and their families, again I will keep you in prayer. Second, "LIFE" is to be "LIVED" none of us is guaranteed tomorrow, those with or without cancer, so if letting your daughter go well make you happy, under the circumstances, then don't dwell on it and let her go, be happy for her and with her while you are here. You don't know you might be around for her prom and if not then she will have this memory one way or another. God Bless.

Answer 2

Honestly, yeah 14 not mature enough in my own opinion to make her own choices. But, she does know right from wrong. She knows your expectations and your like and dislikes. Everything happens for a reason. How old is the person shes going with? 15? Its not like shes going to a club or something. Its a school event. They usually have police there and some of the schools faculty. Being strict does both good and bad. If someone wants to do something, they will do it. Ask yourself if its that big of a deal, or if its selfish on your part. You can pass away before you read this, or in 30 years. No person knows but your god. Just ask where shes going afterward and don't be out too late. Meet the group shes leaving with. Meet the parents, that's your child. So this is whats going to happen, she goes to the school or where ever its at. Dances a few times, leaves, most likely get something to eat after wards. Then comes home. When I go out, I see a group of kids hanging out. No person messing with them. If they were I would intervene. They just laugh and talk about things, then go. Home or somewhere else I don't know. But I think you should let her go. Its up to you. Good luck.

Answer 3

I have to say I don't think you should let her go. Rules are rules. It's important for our kids to learn that rules and guidlines are set with love and our best intentions to raise them to be safe, responsible and intelligent persons. If we allow curcumstance to bend, change or ignore these rules or guidlines, then we are only teaching them how to cheat and be weak in our decision making. Say you do let it her go and you do find it to be breast cancer and so you got to know that your daughter went to prom. Okay where's the gain? And what would the loss be if she didn't go? Nothing if you really think about it. Big Deal. Life is full of I shoulda woulda and coulda. I say you stick to your intial rule. If you said no dating until 16 then there it is there. She will walk away from the experience (after hating you a couple days...smile) with a firm sense of how important rules are and that you are strong enough to enforce them no matter what you personally stand to lose in the meanwhile. She will know she is safe with a Mother who is confident in her decisions and she'll find comfort in knowing what to expect from you. Letting her go could send a message of weakness and selfdoubt. The comfort is lost when you become flakey and unpredictable. Explain to her why you are standing ground and enforcing the intial rule. And offer to start helping her plan ahead for her own prom when it's her time. Sorry for the lengthy answer, maybe a bit much for such a trivial thing, but applied to other more serious parenting conflicts maybe it can help somehow.

Answer 4

Come on, She can't date until she's 16?... Sorry, You have your own parenting skills but here's my advise for the prom thing. Let her have a curfew (You know like she needs to be back home 11:00 sharp, that kind of thing) If she's late by one minute then ground her for one week or two, And trust her. But more freedom means more responsibility, If you know that she can take care of herself and won't go out doing stupid things then let her. But my mom lets me go on group gatherings when i was only 11 years old and i'm in the honor section doing really great in school today

Answer 5

First of all, I would just like to express that I think maybe youre dating polisy is a little strict. Secondly, I hope what you think is breast cancer, is not, or, worst condition, is treatable.

About your dilemna, your daughter sounds very down to Earth and reasonable on the matter at hand. The only reason you should be worried about your daughter dating is if youre afraid it will lead to other things, which in this case, it sound like it doesnt, given what she has told her date and the supervision at the school.

Answer 6

Let her go. If this is the only prom that you will see her go to, then you have to remember that she wants her mom to see her get ready for a prom too! She wants you to be there for her, so it may or may not be pushed up a little. Get these things done in the time the two of you have left if what you suspect becomes reality. She will learn from you and become a better person because of you.

Take care and God Bless.

Answer 7

Let her go! Just do like you said...to prom and then straight home! It can't hurt! And like you said, this might be the only prom you get to see your daughter go to! Better to have that memory of her in a prom dress than none at all! I'm so sorry for your situation, though! Good luck with with your doctor appointment! I'll pray for you!

Answer 8

You have to do what you think is best but I would let her go. I went to prom when I was 15 with one of my guy friends who was a senior. He didn't have a date so I went with him. Straight to the prom then straight home after(I went to a small school also). It was the best prom that I went to. My Junior and Senior proms I had real dates for, not as much fun. I hope that you will be ok and see your daughter go to many more dances.

Answer 9

I'm sorry about your condition - I hope that you are wrong, and that you can get better.

As far as your daughter is concerned - you have every reason to be cautious about letting her out. The prom might be supervised, but sometimes kids will take off to parties afterward. Regardless of how well you have taught your daughter, guys can be extremely pushy (physically as well as psychologically) when it comes to getting girls to do stuff that they wouldn't normally do.

I've got an 8 year old daughter, and I'm going to be psychotic when she gets older about who she hangs out with. If a guy comes by to pick her up, I'll be sitting on the porch cleaning my shotgun.

Answer 10

I think you should let her go. Shes 14 and she can only live once so I think you should make the most of life. If she gets up to anything you are not happy with, explain to her that you are not happy. She will learn from her mistakes. My daughter is now 15 and I know she has..well you know..before so I'm not stopping her from doing it again as the boy shes dating and doing it with is really nice and sensetive and we both have known him since well they were both in nappies. I am just making sure that she uses protection and I've talked her through the consequences and everything. So I say you let her go. Make the most of life and oh yeah before I forget. Im sure YOU will be fine and good luck xxxx