ok this is for a poetry competition and gotta know what you think..plzz read
Stare in my eyes,
See the sparks fly,
Watch the tears fall,
Scorched cheeks never to dry.
Black seeps from my soul,
Pours into tar-dark rivers,
Suffocating my insides,
My weak, stale corpse shivers.
Crumble in front of the mirror,
Only leering reflections remain,
Sneering at my broken self,
Painted with hatred and disdain.
Quaking on the piteous floor,
I sob out apologetic tears,
A sin released with every drop,
Naked shame left sheer.
The dishonest tears will pool,
A troubled stain will form,
Draw itself into a crippled shape,
An act of nature starting to perform.
I’ll pick myself up,
An invisible hand held out,
I’ll straighten my crooked back,
And force my drowning eyes to drought.
I’ll stare in my eyes,
Sparks no longer fly,
A dull peace resounds,
And a secret passion underlies.
2007-02-07 04:39:13 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Other - Arts & Humanities
poor girl, you gotta do better
2007-02-07 07:50:41 · answer #1 · answered by Jesús V 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's relle good, just try to rework some of the lines to make the syllables match a bit. Its ok if u dont care about that kind of thing, that's my opinion. It really is wicked good! And, in the beginning, just to be a grammar freak, (lol) it's "too" not "to".
2007-02-07 18:57:22 · answer #2 · answered by Angela 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its really full of passion and i really love it great job
2007-02-11 04:17:15 · answer #3 · answered by sapphire 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋