I always thought cohabitation was the way for me to go. I was not interested in getting married. At 23 I realized the only reason I would want to ever be married is to create a family. I wanted a baby, but born into a family. 3 months ago we find out my husband produces no sperm, which means no babies. I think I have been in denial for this long. I finally broke down last night. I dont blame him, I completely understand it is not his fault. He did not choose to be like this. I am sure he is also in pain. He however asked me if I wanted a divorce. And as bad as I wanted to answer "let me think about it" I told him it was a challenge that was put upon us and we have to try to get over it or make it work for us. I've become distant with him. I'd rather not say anything rather than have the subject come up. I work full time and am enrolled in school now. I hardly see him. I avoid him. How do I make this work?
2007-02-07 04:38:17 · 4 answers · asked by Hotcakes 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I did not mean to sound like marriage is not important to me. I love this guy more now then when I married him. I am so lucky to have him. I have nothing bad to say about him. Jeff's Wife, thank you so much for your answer. I really appreciate the honesty and comfort I received in your answer.
2007-02-07 07:07:26 · update #1
Oh, sweetie. This is a toughy. You need to ask yourself some difficult questions, and be brutally honest.
-- Did you just marry your husband so that you could have children in wedlock?
-- If you weren't married to him (just living together), would you have left him because of this problem?
-- How far are you willing to go to keep your marriage together? Would you consider medical treatments (if his condition is treatable)? Would you consider sperm donation? Marital counselling? Adoption? Never having children at all?
After my husband and I tried for a couple of years to have a baby, we were told that my husband has a very low sperm count, and it would be unlikely that we would get pregnant (not the same as no sperm, I know, but the shock was still the same). My husband, knowing how much I wanted children, offered to amicably end the marriage so I could find someone else to have children with and spend the rest of my life with. I thought the gesture was strangely sweet, and I turned him down. I loved him too much to let that one thing destroy what we had.
Do you love your husband enough to let this go? If your desire to have children within a marriage outweighs the need to be in a relationship with your husband, you have some really hard decisions to make, and soon.
I'm sorry you had to get such terrible news. You and your husband must be devastated. It's a real blow to a guy to find out he's "shooting blanks", so to speak. My husband took a while to be okay with what had happened. It's not easy.
(BTW, after a year of tests and trips to a fertility specialist, we are now the proud parents of a beautiful little girl, with another suprise babe on the way! The world moves in mysterious ways. )
Hang in there. Be truthful, both for yourself and your husband's sake. Best of luck.
2007-02-07 05:35:47 · answer #1 · answered by jeffs_wife_ali _&_adams_mom 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Have you thought about the sperm donor? If the table were turned around and you can't get pregnent, would he be treating you the same as you are treating him now? You married the guy because you love him for better or for worse, this is not his fault. You can still have a baby with sperm donor. There is always a solution.
2007-02-07 05:37:20 · answer #2 · answered by Pluto 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't want to be mean about this but you need to be fair to him and yourself. If you knew when you met him that he was sterile would you have married him..how about even dated him? I am guessing no..since you said the only reason you married him was for the reasons to have a child. I think that that was selfish but we all make decisions thinking about ourselves rather then others. You know that you could never live your life out with him knowing that you will never be a mommy. How fair is this to him? You must tell him the truth..do not hurt him anymore then you already have. You will also be doing this for you.
2007-02-07 05:31:01 · answer #3 · answered by Maybe I am a smartass..so what 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like your husband's attitude. I think it shows he loves you, as he is willing to let you go follow your dream, and that he simply sees it as a challenge.
Are you willing to throw away what seems to be true love on the chance that you might find that love again and a sperm donor in the same package?
I can't decide for you, but if you asked me what I would do, I would be grateful that I was so loved, and try to return that love to the best of my ability.
2007-02-07 05:27:47 · answer #4 · answered by camys_daddy 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋