I have a teenager and I need help?Parents Only?

Question

My daugter who is 15. She is so out of contol. Am talking crazy out of control. She is reckless. She dirty's up the hole house, bathroom the outside, screens, her room is so out of control again. A few month's ago I got in there on a week-end. And I threw away you know those heavey duty glad trash bags the big ones I thew 11 of them away fill to the top of nothing but trash, old food, broken dishes etc..And her month she starting to swear so bad it's embrassing, she will tell me to shut up, F you, go away, you don't tell me what to do, in when am telling her something she laughs in my face, she says: ok mom, I don't know why your telling me, am not going to do it, she rolling her eyes. And at school she failing almost every class. I got her torting, I got her in a Saturday boot camp, but she will not go to either one of them. All she cares about how pretty she looks. I can't afford some kind of girls home or a real boot camp. Does anyone out there no somewhere or something I could do?

I forgot to metion she was cought ditchen school and now she has to go to court. And if your wondering about her father, he just got out of prison in now liveing in a half way house. We been separated for 15yrs We broke up when I was 3 months pregent with her.

Answer 1

Try http://www.4troubledteens.com/toughlove.html
or http://www.helpyourteens.com/tough_love.html
There is a way to turn this around and I strongly recommend you take action before it gets worse. Please get some help because it will save you and your family. Whether its counseling or an outside group or family, you and your daughter need to reconnect and get to the bottom of this. Good luck and best wishes.

Answer 2

I know it's not easy, but you need to let her know who is boss. Take everything from her - everything. I mean have a couple friends help while she is at school and strip her room down to nothing but a bed and a few items of clothing. Take the makeup and jewelry and all that and store it at a friend's house if you can. Tell your daughter that until she is willing to talk to you and straighten her butt up, she can't have anything. Don't let her watch TV, talk on the phone, go anywhere, nothing. And if she tries to leave or becomes violent, call the police station and explain the situation. Sometimes they are more than willing to scare the crap out of a teenager. Be sure to give her friends' mom's a heads up in case she thinks she can just run off their house. Ask them not to let her in. She'll eventually have no choice but to come home and act right. There is that tiny chance that she will take off, but if her room is full of trash and dishes, she actually likes to be home and I doubt she will run..

And once you are able to communicate, reward her by giving a few things back. Turn it in to a positive thing and offer to help her redecorate her room since it's already stripped down. You could give her just a little money if you are able to and let her go to a dollar store and get new things for her room. It might work, you never know until you try. One thing is for sure, don't let her talk to you like that not one more time. Give her a good slap across the face if you have to. I don't believe there are many courts who would punish you for that these days.

Answer 3

Girls (and boys) need their father or at least a father figure. That means a grandfather or a teacher, not live in boyfirend or something. My Dad died when I was 15 and the next four years were hell for everyone. She's depressed and needs something in her life that you can't provide for her. The best would be for her to go live with somebody else. Do you have a brother or sister that is married and has a tradtional home? That is your best bet. She needs to be loved and you love her, but she needs the feeling of comfort of home and family. She is acting out to get attention and you are returning her cries for help with more negative attention. Sit her down and tell her you understand how she is feeling and that you want her to have a better life than the one she has. The more you treat her like a criminal instead of a child asking for help the more she will act out in a negative manner. A good summer camp would be a good idea too.

Answer 4

I wish you the best, just remember how all of this started. When she was trying to get over at first you thought it was cute, now it has gotten out of hand and it's not so cute any more. Many people can try to tell you what to do. Some may sound cruel and evil and some may tell you to be the same way back to her. What ever you do, only remember that you are the only one that is going to deal with her, not these people here. Remember that you want to have a long lasting relationship with her not a fly by night thing that she is getting from the rest of the world. Set an example and know that you are her mother, watching her grow up.

Answer 5

I had/have a teen like that. He is almost 18 now and sitting in prison until next year. You need serious intervention! I'm not sure what state you're in but do some calling around for programs for at risk youth. She needs therapy, your family needs intensive family counseling. She needs strict structure and discipline. "Tough Love' may be helpful. She's somehow under the impression that she's in charge of you instead of the other way around. I know it's hard, heartbreaking and very stressful because I've been there. Call your local police deparment or juvenile facility and ask for info on anything that might help, numbers of agencies or programs in your area. There are agencies out there you just have to search. We went through boot camp, detention, therapy, etc. for years until he joined a gang and got caught up with all that and eventually has ended up in prison at 17. Don't let this happen to your daughter......start calling around......call everyone until someone offers some help to you and your family. Don't give up, she's still young and can be 'saved' so to speak. I'll pray for your family.....have faith.

Take Care,
Tori

email me and maybe I can help you find info for your area

Answer 6

I know you said only parents, but I think your taking the wrong route with that. I was an "outta control teen"...

I think one thing parents never seem to realize (I know mines didnt) is that we are hurt. For a number of different reasons I hated myself, I had so self esteem. I did a number of different things.. suicide, cutting, and honestly i still havnt figured out what to do with my pain. The best thing you could do is get her into counseling and try to get her a male figure, but honestly, you might be too late. She might be so far gone that she cant figure out how to change...but just keep loving her and dont yell at her. Instead of making her clean up her room. Clean it up with her. Take her out to lunch while she should be at school. Maybe share some of your childhood experiences where you did something wrong.

Number One, dont yell, it will only make her feel bad.
Number Two, hug her and kiss her often. My parents never knew the difference that made for me.
Number Three, look at it from another point of view.
Number Four, chances are she is mimicking her father. Have you taken her to see him?
Number Five, get her involved in something fun. Not dangerous. She might be a thrill seeker. She needs that ultimate rush.
Number Six, is she your only child, do you give them equal attention.
Number Seven, what have you might have done that she saw that conflicts with your authority?
Number Eight, Big Brother Big sister programs
Number Nine, take away all her privilages, and maybe even make her homeschool. Get her away from the bad crowd

...Good Luck

Answer 7

Im not a mom but im a teen and im 17.. i think maybe your daughter needs to see how it is without a mom. my mom and i dont get along at all and she is the cause. She makes me do the housework and i try very hard to make her happy but she never appreciates it. she even wakes me up at 2 in the morning to wash dishes. i think you should make her help you around the house. Dont let her go anywhere or do anything awhile. take away the cell phone, tv, etc.... anything she enjoys until her next report card. if its still bad, keep her stuff til she brings it all up. if she skips school, make her write an essay about why she shouldn't skip school and make her do housework.. eventually she will get tired of cleaning. never clean her room for her! lock her in her room til it is clean to your advantage. take out the tv, radio and anything she enjoys til this is done. she will learn to respect you! also threaten to send her to a military school... she might gain a little respect for you because she will be scared to go. just try some of it.. it has kept me a good kid..

Answer 8

My heart goes out to you. I am the mother of a 15 yrs old as well, no father to help out. I've educated myself on how to deal with teenagers. There are issues in life that sometimes you just dont know how to deal with it such as divorce and children. When it come on to taking a stand in your home, make sure what you says goes. My daughter doesn't really gives trouble, she gives attitudes sometimes but that's it. When she does, we have a mother and daughter talk, we need to know what's going on with them, so we listen to them and then we work on a solution if there is a problem. If her behaviour is out of norm for me, I quickly put her back in place. These are my words to her whenever, "I am the o-n-ly woman inside this home, until you are on your own this is how it will be". I was once told these words, remember we were once teenagers too. I said those words with firmnes in my voice and the expression on my face. I will leave her to think and go to my room to pray and ask God to take control of the situation. You need to do the same, you will be surprised at what He can do for us. I will encourage you to read The Power of a Praying Parent - Stormie Omartian. I will pray for the both of you, she is your child regardless. Sit her down and have a one to one with her.

Answer 9

That's good that she's going to court ( don't worry they usaually don't do anything for little stuff like this and it won't effect her future) know you can get her help for free. Bring it up infront of the judge and suggest consuling as part of the punishment. That way if you do have to pay a fee it will be a small one.

Answer 10

She needs a good *** kicking if you ask me, with my children they know whos the boss and would never ever swear or disobey me, i dont beat my children just a lilttle slap to the rear does the job, remember YOUR THE MOM, your in charge not her and you make her go to toutoring and you make her go to boot camp , you have the ability, you didnt have her to get stepped on if you wanted to do that you wouldnt of moved out of your home with your parents