Serious Opinions Please from a psychological point of view.?

Question

MY ex and I broke up 6 months ago. For the most part we had a great relationship. But he was depressed even suicidal. I told him that he needed help,but only wanted to talk to me. Then he told me why, he got a one night stand pregnant and didnt want anything to do with her. Then, I helped him come to terms with it only for him to leave me to be with this girl. But what was worst he turned on me and talked about me negativly to this girl. I was shicked. Yesterday, I got an email from this girl saying they were firends and that he was seeing another girl behind her back, then calling her telling her he loved her. Alot of his lies came up in all this. He cant dare confront me because I truly feel he is ashamed and a liar. But what kind of a guy does this? He told me he wasnt that type of guy to sleep around and it made him feel gross after. But even after all the suicide talk, getting a one night stand pregnant he still is sleeping around. What is wrong with him really? Bipolar, BPD?

Answer 1

I applaud you in being the better person in all of this. Leave him to his own devices and don't take him back. He will think you liked what he did. 1.) she opened the door for mistreatment, when she knew he already had someone else. It should have occurred to her that he would do it to her too. She willingly became his prey. 2.) He is not truthful with himself or others and should seek council and take responsibility for his own actions 3.) The other two women are not your responsibility either. His being Bi-polar is not an excuse. Find time for yourself and get over your own pain. Then allow someone to come along and be your friend first, that is emotionally healthy before becoming involved intitmately. If he is suicidal, don't think he won't harm you too if he becomes desperate in his delusions. He need someone to be his moomy and that is not what healthy relationships are about. Good luck.

Answer 2

There is hope for this man. Do not in any way despair. As a professional may I say that what you have so adequately described is a " Man in CRISIS".

His actions are "symptoms" of a man who has deep-seated troubles, perhaps with his own feelings of "sel-loathing", perhaps financial, perhaps with his inadequacy at work and lastly, exhibited with his failure in the bedroom.

With the help of a trained and caring professional this man can be put "back on the track". He must be made to honestly believe in himself, in his ability to be a proud, home supporting husband,filled with expectation, love and self-esteem.

Right now those ingregients are missing. You sound like an extremely intelligent person so your job is to find the name and address of the social assiatnce department that looks after citizens with "mid-life crises".

There are only a few does and don't for you. (1) Bear no animosity toward either of the other two women in the picture. They are also victims in a way. (2) Adopt a " 3QC" attitude, e.g. "
"quiet, cool and caring". Tell him you are on his side, that, whatever happens, even if you never stay in your marriage, that you will BE BESIDE him in this struggle and that you will restore him to the good man he really is. This man needs assurance and praise, not brickbats and criticism.

My feeling is that you will win this battle and get this man back to normal. 30 % of our population go through crises of this type in their lifetime. Most are successful if they follow directions.

Answer 3

I'm bipolar, and that behavior doesn't describe me or my life. He sounds like a male who isn't being a man, and that's getting more and more common these days. What kind of guy behaves the way your ex did--and is? A "guy". Not a person trying to be a man, but a male just drifting from one moment to the next not considering his choices.

He lied, and continues to lie. He has an extremely flawed character and doesn't care enough about the consequences of his actions to improve himself. He's probably not mentally ill, and frankly jumping to that conclusion insults the mentally ill. He's simply not a good person. This isn't unique, or even uncommon. It's pathetic.

What is very dangerous is your attempt to search for a rationalization (disguised as an explanation) for his behavior. If you can explain his behavior, you can still love him and hope for change. Instead, be extremely grateful that you and he aren't having a child, and that you aren't forced to have him in your life as the co-parent of that child. Look carefully at men who make promises of perfect behavior, and next time look for someone who has made his mistakes, admits them, and has learned from them.

Answer 4

You posted a similar question the other day, didn't you? Are you just forum-shopping to find someone who will tell you what you want to hear? Here is your answer: What is REALLY wrong with him is he's a manipulative, lying @$$hole. Why are you so desperate to hear that he has some type of mental disorder? Get this through your head: YOU CAN'T FIX HIM, AND YOU CAN'T CHANGE HIM. He is the way he is and will stay that way until HE decides he doesn't like himself and wants to change, and that day will probably never come -- he may be content to continue to lie and manipulate for the rest of his life. The only one who has a problem here is you, and your problem is denial. You refuse to see him for who and what he really is. Pull your head out of the sand, open your eyes, and stop trying to do a clinical analysis on this guy. He's just a pr!ck. Get him out of your life NOW or you'll deserve every bit of pain and heartache you get (and you will get PLENTY) from him.

Answer 5

This sounds so much like my ex,it's pathetic. But he had a drug and drinking problem, and was abusive. He can't possibly care about you or anyone else. It's not in him, believe me. No matter what he tells you, he keeps you knotted around his finger with sad, "I am a vicim" stories, and he's only using you. He will take you down with him, and that's a place you don't want to be. Do you really want to live your life worrying about where he is, who he's with...etc etc.?

He has an extremely low self-esteem, and the only thing that makes him feel temporarily better is the attention. He has to try and prove to himself that he is still attractive, and that women like him. He will never change.

Answer 6

I don't know what's wrong with him. I do know that "once a liar, always a liar" holds true. Do you really want someone like this in your life? Are you happy? Walk away from this fool, he'll never change. You deserve someone who likes you and enjoys making you happy. Have some daydreams about a new guy and being in that situation. That may help you get back out into the dating scene.

Answer 7

Whatever is wrong with him, he sounds like a garden variety prick to me. Lying and cheating are a way of life for some people.
Anyway, don't stress trying to figure it out. Cut off ties with his other girlfriend and him. Consider yourself well out of this mess with your sanity intact.

By the way, this guy is a survivor, don't fall for the suicide crap again. He'll haul that one out of the closet whenever he knows the gig is up and nothing else will work.

Find someone new without all of this emotional and apparently paternal baggage. Good luck.

Answer 8

He's simply a jerk who needs to grow up and stop being disrespectful to women. I would say that he learned how to be disrespectful to women (including lying to them about being a faithful person) from either his father, his mother, or possibly even by past girlfriends letting him get away with it.

And yes, my best friend had a boyfriend who threatened to kill himself...turns out he was an abusive jerk who was cheating on her. His threat to kill himself was a means to keep her next to him. Thankfully, she figured that out quickly and left him at just the right time before his abuse turned from verbal to physical.

Count your blessings.

Answer 9

He sounds like a lost, confused young man who has low self esteem.

Answer 10

you seem smart he seems to be using your good faith .his insecurity issues are not your concern anymore let him go and move on .there isn't any bipolar issues he simply uses people