More of my poetry-what do you think?

Question

and how can I improve it?


still obsessed
overcome perhaps inspired
putting quill to parchment
many think of delirium
yet he finds rationale
perhaps passion in life he sees
a constant swirl of emotion


his name on all walls he sees written
shadows torment him wherever he goes
night at the lights
it burns
his skin feels cold against the rust
glint of bayonets and war cries
his dreams are made of these
he is always on the edge
fine lines are drawn
he is a slave to his existence
bound by invisible chains
seeking to free himself
of a bondage he knows nothing of
cowards find an easy way out
yet he is unwilling
to betray his breath
he seeks freedom in life
yet with the illusion
of freedom without.

Answer 1

nice, i luv it.
its pretty cool.
:)

Answer 2

I may not be the best person to judge - because I don't write or read a lot of poetry - but this seems very very good.... I especially liked:

he is a slave to his existence
bound by invisible chains

I feel like that most times

Good job !

p.s. I was watching TV today and someone said: never ask if someone likes your work of art ?? Food for thought

:-)

Answer 3

it isreally interesting i too look forward to write when i feel so may be i can tell this is true from heart