Ok I am 24 and I am married to a 25 year old women. We have been married for 3 years. Lately, she has gone out with her friends on a continuious basis, she is rarely around on the weekends. I have a job that requires me to work over nights and on weekends(week at a time) I dont always work this i am on a rotational shift. We both know that we have grown apart and we don't have the same things in common anymore. Here is the story:
We have sex like once a month, she aways cares about what she looks like, thats cool with me but I see it getting worse. So we don't cuddle or kiss that much but we say that we love eachother. Also, she has a myspace and I saw some stuff a while back, she left it open and nothing pointed her to cheating. I don't know what to do, I love her and I feel that I am only getting worse. I feel like a jealous weirdo and I can't help it. I would be ok if she went out as long as she would give me my attention. I give her full attention, I hold her and take care of her
2007-02-07
03:56:54
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11 answers
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asked by
sexyguy20175
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in
Family & Relationships
➔ Marriage & Divorce
I want to see hear her voice mails from her cell and see if she is out with dudes! I feel that she is but I don't know, I ask and she says no but? I feel that if i knew for sure, it would help me sleep and I wouldn't have to ponder this all the time. I have a good job(getting another one to make things better) I take care of myself, I go to the gym 3-5 times a week. I always buy her things and make her feel good. My down fall is that I am jealous and I like to snoop around. I am ignorant for that but I felt driven for answers. I don't cheat and I dont want to be hurt. I want to kno wso that I can "see i am right and I am normal. So if anybody knows how to access a cell phone mailbox let me know, I have a feeling about that. And yeah we talked about this, we talk a lot and nothing happens.
2007-02-07
04:02:31 ·
update #1
I would look into getting a new job..but then again you shouldn't have to worry so much about your wife cheating..She is getting use to you being gone so much..she is filling up the time that you spend apart with her friends..she could be lonely..but then again the time you do have with each other your not connecting anymore..you both need to make changes or you could end up divorcing in the end...she also needs to be considerate about the hours you work..does she work or are you the bread winner?jealousy is a miserable emotion..i think it is the worst.. never stop communicated with her about how you feel. I know its not a solution but i hope it helped
2007-02-07 04:14:59
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answer #1
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answered by Anonymous
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OK, you're saying 2 things here. At the beginning you said that you don't cuddle or kiss that much, and only have sex about once a month (which probably is understandable given your work situation), but then at the end you said you give her your full attention, you hold her. So which is it? I'm thinking what you said first is more true, and your statement at the end was something else. That's ok.
Well, you do have a problem here, your work schedule isn't helping much either. Do you know in advance what weekends you're going to have to work, if so, then make sure your wife knows about them. The next weekend you have off, why not plan a weekend getaway for you and your wife. Tell her you'd like to spend this time with her. If you feel you don't have the same things in common, you need to start simply doing things together period. Go out on dates whenever you can, that's so important. My husband and I shoot for going out at least once every other week, we'd like once a week but our children's schedules usually won't allow that, and we've been married for 19 years now.
Marriage takes work, I'm sure you heard that, but now you're starting to learn that it's really true. To keep a fire burning, it needs fuel, you have to keep feeding it and adding logs and other fuel, or it will eventually go out. Same with love. You have to keep doing those little things for each other that you did when you were courting, and when you were first married, and I'll bet you've stopped doing them. Heck, it sounds like you rarely see each other, and that's not good for a long term situation. I'm assuming she works a standard Monday-Friday day work week. Well, if you're working on the weekends, you certainly don't expect her to just sit around missing you, do you? And you're at work while she's home, and she's at work while you're home. I would go do things with my friends too, and I'm not 25 years old. Maybe you ought to seriously look at your work situation, and see if you can arrange something that will be more compatible towards you spending more time with your wife. Spend some time on your marriage, and it will probably pay off in a big way. Best of luck to you!
2007-02-07 12:10:23
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answer #2
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answered by basketcase88 7
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Life is too short to live with regret. Tell her everything and exactly how you are feeling. Ask her if there is a reason you should feel this way and go from their. If you both love each other but have grown apart, then have a heart to heart talk and discuss if she still feels the same way or if you both should part and go separate ways. Communication is the key. Take care Heather
2007-02-07 12:03:28
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answer #3
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answered by Anonymous
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When women get bored and neglected by their men we tend to do things just to keep us busy and active. Seems that you've been working so hard that she noticed that you barely have time for her. It doesn't really mean that when we go out with our girlfriends we are actually cheating. It's just a simple thing of having fun, clean fun. But then again I can be wrong here, so why not talk to her and take a vacation leave for a week so you can spend some time with her.
2007-02-07 12:23:32
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answer #4
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answered by Anonymous
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You should see a counselor about your feeling of jealousy. If you are overly jelousy, it may push her away more. She may not doing anything but if you spy on her, she may be feeling she can't breath. Even if you guys left each other, and you find a new love in your life, your jealousy will again take over again. If you see a counselor first, then invite her to the counselor with you to work things out.
I had a boyfriend once who was so jealousy, he was very nice guy, but I couldn't even talk to any male without him asking me questions (and I don't flirt). One night, he had little bit more to drink, and he thought I was cheating on him. That was it, I didn't call him, or talked to him after that.
2007-02-07 13:55:10
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answer #5
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answered by Pluto 3
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If this is something that you want to save do what it takes to save it. But if you see yourself not being able to trust your wife while you are at work, making a living for the house, and she can not respect that and do the right thing I think that you should let her go. She's older than you and you are going to get hurt. But if you can bear it out a little longer let her hang her own self.
2007-02-07 12:06:35
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answer #6
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answered by sodgirl6763 4
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a job like that is bound to push two people apart thats why work is never more important than a child or spouse,there is nothing thats gonna change how she feels unless you are there alot more.She feels abandoned and has fallen out of love.She wants someone who is gonna be there thats why she is partying so much she is trying not to think about how her marriage is in the ditch.If you don't want a divorce change jobs or I promise its just a matter of time before she replaces you....sorry but its the sad truth no one wants to feel alone in marriage
2007-02-07 12:24:29
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answer #7
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answered by samwise25 4
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you are working too much, so she's become used to getting her entertainment elsewhere.
females need to feel cheerful and optimistic or they get sick.
you are not fun or interesting any more.
you may have resigned yourself to a dull life....working to achieve a financial target....but that doesn't mean she is capable of matching your frame of mind....
I suggest a heart-to-heart conversation....and ask her if she would like a trial separation.
it's not about punishing her....it's about letting her go with dignity.
keep working and saving your money. build a strong base.
then try again.
2007-02-07 12:24:09
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answer #8
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answered by Anonymous
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WHEN WE WERE YOUNGER MY HUSBAND WORKED LONG HRS NITES AND WEEKENDS I DIDNT WORK AND GOT BOARD AND WENT OUT WITH FRIENDS FINALLY I TOLD HIM I COULDNT STAY MARRIED TO A PAY CHECK THAT HE MEANT MORE TO ME THAN MONEY SO HE FOUND A DAY JOBEVEN THOUGH IT WAS LESS MONEY WE HAD MORE TIME FOR EACH OTHER AND WE LEARNED WE WERE MORE IMPORTANT THAN JOBS AND FRIENDS YOU 2 NEED TO TALK AND SEE WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO THE BOTH OF YOU GOOD MARRIAGES DONT JUST HAPPIEN EVERY ONE NEED TO MAKE SACRIFICES IF THEY LOVE EACH OTHER ITS NOT HARD
2007-02-07 13:51:56
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answer #9
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answered by Msdeb gee 6
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It's hard being in that situation. My guy works two weeks offshore and two weeks home. When he is home I give him all my attention. Maybe your wife is just feeling neglected. Try doing something extra special for her for no reason.
2007-02-07 12:01:24
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answer #10
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answered by Anonymous
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