How do I stop spying on my husband?

Question

I check my husbands e-mail, phone messages and incoming out/going calls. Not really because I distrust him (at least thats what I tell myself) but more like I want to know who he has been talking too. After I hack in to his e-mail or check his phone I feel so bad. I grew up in an environment where my dad was and still is a jealous freak. I swore I would never be like that and here I am doing the same thing in a miner way. I have no doubt in my mind that my husband would never ever cheat on me but yet I still check and frankly I cannot pin point exactly what I am looking for or not looking for. Any opinions on what is going on with me?

Answer 1

ME TOO! And I wish so much that I could stop! Except my snooping is motivated by past indescretions, mostly mine. For the 1st time, I've been 100% faithful and guess I'm waiting for my previous cheating ways to come back to me 3x worse and I suppose I'm just looking for it before it surprises me. Also, my bf's ex stalks us and won't go away and my bf seems to encourage it so I'm always on the lookout for if they still talk. I heard once that you are afraid of what you are yourself, i.e. expect others to cheat if you have. It's a way of protecting yourself. It's a rush to feel you've found out a truth that was hidden from you. It's a way to control the unknown. But for sure it's killing me, as it must be killing you. No one likes to live in a suspicous environment, and it will surely kill our realtionships if we're found out. so somehow we have to stop. I've even tried reading their email to see if he's told her to go away, which he hasn't, and that just fuels me to search even more. Bottom line is, we don't trust them for whatever reason and that is not a healthy relationship, nor healthy for ourselves. We're obviously smart and would be better served doing something more constructive! You're looking for proof that your relationship is good, maybe scared that it is if all you've known is bad, and it's hard to let go of the negative feelings that we've held for so long, especially if we grew up in them, cause without them, what is left? We have to find something else to do and that can be scary when we are sure we know it's safe to be untrusting. I wish you peace of mind and heart. You've inspired me to stop the cycle of snooping. I'm going to ask him and if he lies, I will know becasue I already know the answer to my question, and then he's just not it for me. I don't want to have to be suspicous anymore. It takes too much energy. Maybe you and I really should start a dective agency!

Answer 2

Sounds like some of your dad has rubbed off on you & that's not good. Stop spying on your husband right now if you truly love him. If you trusted your husband, there would be no reason to spy on him. You say you feel bad, but still you continue to spy on him? It sounds as though you are very insecure in your life & marriage. If you honestly felt that your husband would never cheat on you, then you wouldn't be spying on him. Stop spying on your husband & give him the benefit of the doubt until you have "concrete" reasons to believe he's cheating on you, otherwise, you will destroy your marriage.

Answer 3

You sound like my ex wife; the soul-eating demon. She was so sure that I was cheating (and I wasn't) that I eventually got so sick of it that I found someone else and divorced her. You are pathetically insecure and your spying on your husband is an attempt to control him and your environment - both of which is impossible. What you are doing will eventually drive him into the arms of another woman, so STOP IT! If you must, get some therapy - you need it and it might help.

Answer 4

I' m now unlikely to allow you to comprehend to go away him like quite everyone else on right that's. first of all till it takes position to you its uncomplicated to assert "go away him" 2d, all kinds of infidelity are diverse and nonetheless may seem similar not in any respect are. Spying on him isn't the superb answer yet i comprehend why and comprehend why you sense this way. by technique of spying you'll discover out more effective than what you're waiting to take heed to about. i does not obtain something that archives what's written on your pc because it ought to come back and chew you on your butt. possibly you've belongings you do not choose him to make sure about. attempt counseling or speaking/establishing up with what you comprehend and how you stumbled on out and ask for an same. i wish it quite works out for you.

Answer 5

you have a problem of trusting people. dont be guilty about anything. i trusted my husband and we were married for 19 years and found out he was cheating on me. I wished that i could have been wiser and checked his phone calls and emails. too late for me, i was so trusting. actually, the best way to stop spying on him is to talk to him about how you feel and what you've been doing. he needs to give you an assurance that everything is fine and he loves you. assurance is all you need from him and he should do it everyday. and he have to be patient with you for it takes time to overcome this kind of habit.

Answer 6

I think that you should be a Detective....
I think that you are doing it for the rush, and you should find something to replace this rush before he finds out. Do this sneaky stuff to someone you don't care about....I am not saying follow your neighbor around, but go to a mall and watch those people or go to a department store. You need to find another habit that gives you this same rush......Even if you just park in a big area and watch the traffic or people. Quit doing it to your husband you will regret it. Or you will start to feel so bad you'll tell him and he will be mad.....

Answer 7

I do the same thing. It just something your going to have to work through. I check everything of my husbands, wallet, email, etc. You need to go and speak with someone about it, If he hasn't ever shown any signs of cheating then YOU have the problem, if he has or has signs of cheating I think its normal to check his things. My husband is so used to it he just hands me everything to look thru if I feel something is going on. Not something that makes you feel good. Go and talk to someone, its starting to work for me.

Answer 8

Well you have took the first step to correcting the behavior. You have admitted what you are doing and that you don't like it. So, make a conscious effort that when you start to do these things you stop and remind yourself that you trust him and do not want to be your dad.

Answer 9

How is your spirituality?

I ask this out of experience. I am a Husband who has placed his wife in the wrong place. I am a man of faith, however I placed my wife in a position to meet all my needs.

This caused me to snoop and search. I had doubts and allowed negative thoughts to enter into my mind and fester.

I have had to learn that my wife is my partner and NOT my God!!!

As Husband and Wife, we each have our roles in our relationship, but for our relationship to be healthy I had a responsibility to trust a Higher Power to meet my needs. Some of those needs are met by my wife, but it is out of our love for one another and our faith in our higher power.

So again, I ask the question about your spirituality, your faith, your Higher Power, your God?

Answer 10

You don't think he's cheating and you don't think he ever will, so maybe you're just doing this out of habit. This kind of distrust and nosiness, which is really what you have, will destroy any marriage.