We are getting married next week and he can be the best guy! But when he drinks he says real mean things like that I am a going to cheat on him and he wants me to wear a rubber when I am with other guys....this is very hurtful and makes me not want to marry him. But he is the greatest guy when he dont drink, what should I do??
2007-02-07 03:34:42 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He just started drinking about a month ago.
2007-02-07 06:23:10 · update #1
Don't marry him! If he's this bad when he's single, it will only get worse after you're married. Give him a choice, alcohol, or you! Don't give in, stick with your decision.
2007-02-07 03:38:36 · answer #1 · answered by grandm 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You know, I understand that he is the greatest guy when not drunk, but trust me this is onlythe beginning. I think you need to do some serious thinking onthis, cos' teh comments that you have put in here, could only get nastier, the more he knows he can take you for granted. You are addicted to only the ''greatest guy'' part, but you are lucky that he is showing some of the ugly things before marriage. After marriage, its both you, two drinks may get to three, four, or five, and if he could comment all that now, he could get worse after marriage.
There is really no point in him being a great guy without alcohol, but the opposite after having alcohol, because what you are doing is, allowing him to take youfor granted, cos' the moment he is sober, he is all good, and then you start feeling pity, or love towards him, or wahtever. "he wants you to wear a rubber when you are with other guys"""....c'mon, wake up. I agree under the influence of alcohol, people say many things they dont mean. But are you sure that once married, and a new beginning, where its just the two of you, he would never get nasty again ?? Have you talked to him how vulgure he sounds ?? ...
I think, you should talk to him, threaten to break up so that atleast if he really luvs you he may try to keep a check on how much alcohol he has, and what he says to you under the influence of alcohol...if possible push him never to drink....cos' its only bringing out all the negativity in him. Think carefully, and tread slowly, you are going to committ yourself where you promise ''death do us part'', it doesnt matter even if your marriage is tomorrow, take a firm decision, and if possible you may want to get some advise from family/close freinds....
good luck
2007-02-07 11:46:04 · answer #2 · answered by arya 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should have given him an ultimatum long ago. You should have voiced your concerns about his alcohol problem, he definitely has an alcohol abuse problem. I doubt that you want to hear this, but your boyfriend may very well be an alcoholic. If he is, that means he has an addiction. Alcoholism is a disease and needs to be addressed and treated. I do not know how long you have been together, but this matter should have been dealt with before you set a date to get married.Do not think you can change him because YOU alone can not. He is in need of professional help.When this became a problem(alcohol)you should have spoken to him and exhausted every avenue to get him into a program for alcoholics. He might not even think he HAS a problem. There needs to be an intervention here. Sorry your wedding is only a week away, you really should postpone it. If he loves you he will go for the help he needs, straighten himself out, and then, only then, will you have a chance to have a healthy happy marriage.I know it seems drastic, but he needs to be a healthy INDIVIDUAL FIRST, before you can be a HAPPY COUPLE.
2007-02-07 14:00:12 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
For the love of god do NOT get married right now! He will just end up hurting you over and over again, being emotionally abusive (which is the word anyone would use to describe the things he said to you when he was drinking), you will try to get him to stop drinking, he will tell you he doesn't have a problem... If he can't control himself when he drinks, and if he can't keep himself from drinking, you are going to have a huge problem on your hands and it will most likely have a very ugly ending. If you have any doubts in your heart AT ALL about marrying him, then please please do not do it. You deserve to be with someone who loves you, not someone who will hurt you repeatedly and then think it's okay because they were drunk.
2007-02-07 12:39:30 · answer #4 · answered by .*AnNa*. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is not a good sign before marriage. How much does he drink? Is this a problem for him? You need to make the best decision for yourself, but be weary of this guy. His drinking could progress into something much worse and I do not want him to harm you. If he is truly the greatest guy then he should never act this way drinking or not. Good luck. I hope this helps!
2007-02-07 11:44:53 · answer #5 · answered by Jess_DH13 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Run!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.... it only gets worse. An alcoholic --- and he is one---- is already in a relationship --- (with booze) and as such, you are and will always be #2, or #3 when he gets a girlfriend. ..... going into a marriage knowing this huge personality flaw, is just plain nuts, honey , just plain nuts, unless you are sooooo needy that this is better than nothing. Ask any therapist. Ask any counselor, ask anyone in AA ask anyone who has lived with one for any length of time..... Run, honey, run. There are lots of guys out there without addictions who will make a great husband, and father to children should you wish to have any.... And, from what you have said, he's a control freak too.... Geez, hon, get some counseling to find out why you think you deserve so little............... let some other fool marry this guy... don't let it be you...
2007-02-07 12:04:01 · answer #6 · answered by April 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Honey the truth comes out when you drink, he is obviously got some issues that he has been hiding while sober. You shouldnt get married yet. This is just a sign of things to come. From experience....it never gets better only worse. Fix it before you get married, it will save a lot of time and upset!
2007-02-07 11:44:35 · answer #7 · answered by ANG 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Any kind of abuse in any relationship is not a good thing. Know the signs and take caution. Trust and communication in relationships is so important. Do you have 100% trust in him that he won't hurt you? Are you and him on a very deep communication level that you feel like you and him can talk about anything? Just some things to consider before its too late. People who know what true is will not hurt, bottom line!!
2007-02-07 12:39:34 · answer #8 · answered by ipoundiron 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave or make him go into counseling for his drinking problem. Why in the world would you want to be married to a guy who who treats you bad part of the time? That's the same logic a D.A. used on my mom--after all my dad was a nice guy when he wasn't hitting her.
2007-02-07 11:40:18 · answer #9 · answered by lovelyncurvy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ya know I'm kind of going through that right now with my bf of 5 years. Take my advise if he doesn't stop drinking now its only going to get worse. Listen to your gut. If its saying not to marry him then don't.
2007-02-07 15:08:55 · answer #10 · answered by Babygirl 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would not marry someone like that. He has a problem with alcohol-and you know he will drink at yoru wedding-who wants to be worried their new husband will say something mean on their wedding day? It will only escalate until he gets help for his problem.
2007-02-07 11:38:48 · answer #11 · answered by melouofs 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋