he found a new girlfriend 8 months ago. They are already engaged and expecting a baby in about a month. I have been more than nice to this new girl. I got her a gift when I found out she was pregnant and made her homeade salsa. She now has told my ex that he cant watch our daughter during the week at my house. He is only aloud to watch her at there home. We live about 30 minuets apart and she goes to school in my school district. It would be too much to get her in the evening all the way out by him considering she has to be in bed early. He has just not been very fair. But my question is his new Fiance is having a baby shower this weekend and my daughter is going should we get her a gift? Mind you she never said thank you to anything else I have done for her. Or am I just being a *****?
2007-02-07 03:32:57 · 26 answers · asked by lmw 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well this women is still going to end up your child's step mom, so I would say get a gift, but do not go over board. Something small should do. As for her coming in between the perfect harmony you once had. It happens and unfortunately its your daughter who will suffer for it. I suggest asking them both over to lunch or a neutral place and try having a sit down talk with them together and see if you all cant come up with something. Even though the new fiance should just know her place and butt out from the start you wouldn't even have to deal with this. Good luck to you!
2007-02-07 03:38:14 · answer #1 · answered by Issym 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
It sounds like your ex's new fiance might be a little bit jealous of your relationship with your ex. Perhaps suggesting that the three of you sit down and talk things out. This will give you the chance to explain to her why your ex watches your daughter after school. You could ask her for suggestions on other options if she doesn't want the little girl's own father to help out with parenting his own daughter. ;)
As for the upcoming baby shower....
I would suggest taking the high road in this and getting her a gift. You might not receive a thank you, but NOT giving her a gift will only make you look "bad" and she's probably already got a poor opinion of you.
Good luck!
2007-02-07 11:43:45 · answer #2 · answered by Annie B. Mice 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is probably very strange for her to come into this situation so I would just kill her with kindness. If your daughter does not bring her a gift she will probably take it the wrong way and resent your daughter. It is important that she have a good relationship with your children because she is the mother of their new brother or sister. I would sit down and talk to her and your ex and make it clear that when it comes to your children then he needs to be the only one involved in the decision making. She needs to respect that he has other children and he is a father before a husband. What is going to happen when she has her child is that she will want your ex to only be involved with her child, so you need to have this conversation with him now before the new baby gets here. She should not have any influence over your ex when it comes to his children weather it be time spent with them, child support, school, or anything else. My dad has been married five times and all of his wives after my mother tried to tell him how much money and time he could spend with his children and he never let that happen. In fact, that is why he has been divorced so many times because he never let a new woman tell him what he could and couldn't do regarding his kids. I hope your ex-husband is a stand up man like my dad is and he will not let this new chick control his life when it comes to his kids. I would become friends with her so you can keep an eye on her intentions. She is after all your children's step mom and you want to know how she is and how she is going to treat you children. Keep your enemies close!!!
2007-02-07 11:51:35 · answer #3 · answered by micah z 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get a gift for your daughter to take to the shower, you be the bigger woman in this situation. No one will be able to say that you were nothing but good to them and will see through their ways. When you say he watches your daughter, is it visitation or is he your babysitter for the evenings? If it is his visitation he has every right to have her at his home, he has a new life and that does mean changes for for everyone involved. If he is the sitter maybe you need to look into some other arrangement so that your daughter does not have to be out so late and will be in her own home. Good Luck!
2007-02-07 15:16:51 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to say, but you are being a little insensitive. First of all, you have to get the lady a gift - this baby is not just some stray baby, it will be your daughter's half sibling. Remember that. Also, you can't think that your ex was going to always be able to come to your house and see his daughter, now did you? One day you will get a spouse and he will definitely not want your ex at your house. He is building a family elsewhere now and he has other obligations, including your daughter. Be flexible as your daughter as still deserves her father. 30 minutes apart is really nothing, I think you are just looking for things to think about. Remember this baby will be connected to your daughter.
2007-02-07 11:50:08 · answer #5 · answered by downinmn 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I can understand why she does not want her fiance at your house.
She probably feels it is inappropriate and too close to you for comfort.
Since his family situation is changing, you may need to change your visitation. His future wife is going to be his priority over your wishes, so you need to sit down with them, or him, to discuss what would be best for your daughter and your schedules.
You should definitely get her a gift, especially if your daughter is attending the baby shower. Even if she is ungrateful, you should never stop being gracious.
Remember that his fiancee is going to be having the sibling to your daughter, and his new family will be a part of your life from now on. It is always best to be as pleasant as you can, no matter what they are like, for your sake and also for your daughter.
Good luck to you, and I hope this helps! :)
2007-02-07 11:43:19 · answer #6 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No don't' get her a gift. She is not your friend. If your daughters father wants her to have a gift from his daughter then let him buy it and that's not being rude either. Now once the baby arrives and they have a party or something it would be fine to get a gift . But right now you don't have to go out of your way because you really have nothing to do with that. Only if you really feel obligated to then get a gift if not let the father get it.
2007-02-07 11:41:40 · answer #7 · answered by justy2 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In the long run it will be best to take the high road and get her and the new baby a present (after all, it won't be the baby's fault!). If you truly have no interest in your ex other than your shared daughter, if you extend the "olive branch of peace" to her enough times and she can see that you are not a threat to her relationship with her man. Her perspective may also change once she becomes a parent herself and realizes how much work kids are and might be more willing to work things out for what is best for all the kids involved, not just herself.
2007-02-07 11:40:44 · answer #8 · answered by bottleblondemama 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you are a threat to the other woman. She will never ever be ok with you. Think about if your new fiancee got along with his ex like that, you would be concerned. She is probably an insecure person and will try to stop any woman from even speaking to him.Every gift from you is a thorn in her side. Give the gift from your daughter if at all. You should probably forget about being his friend if you want his marriage to be a happy one.
2007-02-07 11:38:06 · answer #9 · answered by tokes 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You dont owe her a gift.. your daughter is his too and he can buy the gift from her. I wouldnt want a gift from my husbands ex either. And you need to keep your distance and let them be a family. It is none of your business.
Also, I dont blame her for not wanting him at your house. That is a very bad set up anyway. It just wont work anymore.
Good luck.
2007-02-07 13:47:07 · answer #10 · answered by Tink 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋