my boyfriend and i moved in together 3 mo. ago and no on lived with us except my 15 year old daughter. he has 3 children,17,14,13 that live with their mother. just recently the mother and the oldest child got into some trouble with the law and he needed to take the two youngest children in with us. i explained to him in the beginning of our relationship that i didn't want to live in a house full of kids, that i have a certain way that i like my living situation to be. he stated that he understood and that it would never come to him having to take in his kids. i explained to him that if he knew eventually one day he would want to get his kids, that our living situation would have to change. now her i am ,living in a house with all these people and it's really driving me nuts. what should i do?
2007-02-07 02:44:35 · 31 answers · asked by blaquequeen71 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
You've only been living there 3 months. Why did you ever move in with a guy with your 15-yr old daughter? If anything ever sent a message to a teenager that living with some guy is supposed to solve your problems, this is it. And as you can see, it only brought you problems. Why would you live with the guy but not marry him? Another dumb message you're giving your daughter. Raise your standards a lot! Have respect for yourself - a lot! Insist that a guy who wants to get you in the sack and have you do his housework is going to have to be your husband, not some 'boyfriend' like you had in high school! Move the hell out! Let him find some other weak-minded woman to 'go steady with' while she does the work in his household.
Stand up for youself and your daughter and set her a good example!
2007-02-10 15:29:00 · answer #1 · answered by kathyw 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand you have a certain way you want to live your life. However I don't know why he can live with your daughter, but you can't live with his children? That is kinda one sided? How would you feel if he told you your daughter had to move out b/4 he moved in? Also if you don't want a house full of children why are you dating someone with 3 children?
I get you all the way. I have one daughter and I don't plan on having anymore either. I am very selective with the men I date also. If a man has a lot of children I simply don't date them. Therefore I save myself from furture problems. I love only having my daughter and I in my home. If you tell him his children has to go....why would you want a man that will put a women b/4 his kids. When you accepted him you accepted his children...all of them.
Are you in a postion to purchase a larger home? Prehaps one with a basement or family room. That will give the children one area to entertain and you another.
2007-02-07 06:30:30 · answer #2 · answered by Renee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your point of view sounds pretty selfish to me. You have YOUR daughter living with you guys, a situation arose where he has no control over and he stepped up like a father to take care of his kids, since their mom in unable to do so. Why don't you try to be more understanding and put yourself in his shoes? If the situation was the other way around, would you let you daughter down just because he wouldn't want a house full of kids, specially if they are not his? He sounds like a decent men, give him a break an some support.
2007-02-07 03:26:20 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are not being understanding at all. If you love him, then you should love his children as well. Maybe you should move out and find someone without children. I know I would not let anyone stand in front of me and my children. And you shouldn't make him feel like this is his fault. I am sorry but if you put yourself in his shoes, how would he act? I mean since you have 15 yr old living there. Think you need to wise up. Sorry but you asked. Hope things work out soon.
2007-02-07 02:55:44 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Thats pretty selfish. Those are his children! He loves them! How would you have felt if he told you that you could move in but your 15 year old could not. It isnt his fault of his childrens fault that their mother got into trouble and you shouldnt take it out on them. Sounds to me like you want him to choose you over his kids which is really messed up. If you hate your living situation move out and find a guy without kids so you dont have anyone else to annoy you.
2007-02-07 02:50:37 · answer #5 · answered by ♥♫♥ Crystal ♥♫♥ 4 · 5⤊ 0⤋
WOW! What would you do if the situation were reversed? If you do not want to have the chance of living in a house full of kids - get fixed and date someone who has no children.
2007-02-07 07:13:03 · answer #6 · answered by JN 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sit down with him privately and discuss the situation. If you make him choose though, be prepared for him to choose his kids. Maybe you just need a bigger house to live in. Maybe setting some rules with the kids would help. There are a lot of possibilities.
2007-02-07 04:31:04 · answer #7 · answered by Ladythang 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Despite offsprings often remain living with their mum any dad love his sons and aside from the love for the new g/f I never could accept such discrimination! It's true he has three sons while you have one only, but what if the ratio was 1:1 then?
Yours and his, just a family of 4 persons living together.
Now, instead, you all are 5 because there's a son en plus, but is just this additional boy to drive you nuts?!
Sorry, but for me my sons should be considered to be part of my heart and I couldn't live without them if they just would like to stay with me and I ought to love equally my g/f offsprings too!
What better thing other than a great tight-knit family?
2007-02-07 03:18:57 · answer #8 · answered by whole_feelings 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you saying that he has to choose between you or his kids? Then you are being selfish here even though you both made a prior arrangement concerning his kids. If you love him then be supportive during his kids stay there, they will also get to know their future step-mom and hopefully not regard you as a wicked stepmother.
Won't you do the same for your daughter if you had a similar situation.
2007-02-07 02:53:06 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, you must define the relationship you're in; where it is headed and if you going to want to remain in it. You fail to mention if your child belong to both of you or not. However, you knew going in that he had three children. Having said that, how do you justifiy not wanting to have anything to do with his children? If you are in a committed relationship, this is apart of what goes on. If this is not what you want, I suggest you get out now because someone is bound to get hurt if a serious discussion does not take place soon. Wish you luck.
2007-02-07 02:55:10 · answer #10 · answered by THUMBER 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋