Dancing Leaves:
Leaves dance
To the beat of the wind
Turning circles against the frozen ground.
Valentine Hearts
I close my eyes
ask the question,
and pick a Valentine's heart.
"You wish"
I almost cry,
then choose just one more heart.
"My girl"
Just then,
my phone rings
It's him!
"Do you wish to be my valentine?"
I wish.
I am only in 7th grade, and I wrote them both in English class. Is there anything I can do to make them better? Thanks!
2007-02-07 02:36:54 · 5 answers · asked by Rachel K 4 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
Dancing leaves is a haiku. it is supposed to be just 3 lines.
2007-02-07 02:47:11 · update #1
In Valentine's Hearts, the quotes are what the hearts say.
2007-02-07 02:59:29 · update #2
the quote at the end of valentine hearts is the boy that is calling her.
2007-02-07 08:57:39 · update #3
Dancing Leaves:
I've always loved watching leaves swirling in the wind. I like the second line best. Haikus are typically 3 lines long with 5 syllables, 7 syllables, and then 5 syllables. I might add the use of color in your first poem. Also, if you want to make it longer, you could do a series of Haikus.
Valentine Hearts:
Great job. Nice use the of sayings on the candied hearts. However in the last one, "Do you wish to be my valentine?", you should keep it consistent with what the hearts would say. And I think they just say "Be my valentine?" Also the last line works, but another possibility is "My heart's wish". Either way, it's a nicely done poem and works very well.
Keep writing! You definitely have talent.
Thanks for sharing.
2007-02-07 04:10:48 · answer #1 · answered by taima_adara 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I love the first one.It is short and beautiful and I want to hear one one stanza of it.Where do the circles lead?What happens when they touch the frozen ground?What images and feelings come to mind when you read the first part? I am not liking the dialogue. in the second poem.I think you can do better.It is clear you have a talent.I would cut out the dialogue and write this one in metaphors.Good luck to you!
2007-02-07 02:50:45 · answer #2 · answered by gia b 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dancing leaves seems to be incomplete
the Valentines Heart is structured very nicely
2007-02-07 02:44:54 · answer #3 · answered by Mopar Muscle Gal 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think for seventh grade your on the right track just keep writing these poems and learning about poetry and youll be great you can read alot of poetry on poetry.com and even enter contest with your poems
2007-02-07 02:50:41 · answer #4 · answered by xrayman1987 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very romantic and emotional. Why don't you send them in to the publishing company that is publishing my poetry book.
editorialdirector@handusyourstory.net
Good luck
Meme
2007-02-07 02:40:38 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋