Issue with cutting myself?

Question

Ok I met this really great guy and I want him so bad. Im 20 and hes 31 and that to me, makes things so much better. He has been such a diffrent outlook on things and so calming. For once I think he is teaching me to relax and accept my life and situation for what it is. Anyway the point is that I told him before I was an ex- cutter well this past week I had an episode and I cut myself on the hip. I want to get past this. I dont want cutting to haunt me anymore. I want to be a better person and a person who doesnt cut. I want to be a better person than that. I want walter to know that he doesnt have to worry about me with his kids and he soesnt have to worry about me and the cutting. I am on a anti depressant and I have been to the hospital and Im in counsiling I do really good like go months without cutting than somtimes I break does anyone have any advice?

Answer 1

First, let be begin by saying that I actually read your question, so I know that you're already in counseling. Counseling in and of itself doesn't solve problems, as I'm sure you're already aware.

Let me pose a question to you: you mention several times that you want to be a better person than this. While I understand that you desperately desire to change this, do you feel that cutting yourself makes you a bad person? Yes it is a serious problem, but EVERYONE has serious problems, and anyone who tries to say otherwise is either lying or unaware of their own faults.

You're very worried: worried that you won't be able to stop, worried that this man might leave you, worried that you might be a danger to others. I understand where those fears are originating from and how powerful they are, especially when you are feeling so hopeful about this relationship and about the things you are learning and the growth you are attaining.

You have taken all the prescribed steps: medication, counseling, ect. The only thing that is left is to be forgiving to yourself. Everyone who is recovering from something as gripping as cutting or an addiction falls many, many times...it doesn't mean that you can't break it, it just means that you have to try again, not harder, not doing something different...just keep trying. Also, the more you can rely on your family, your friends, and your man the better.

You are a beautiful person and I wish you the best on your road to healing!

Answer 2

I cut for a few years in high school; when I felt the need, I had four ways of coping.

1. Keep a rubber band either on your wrist, or on you at all times. When you feel the urge, slip it on your wrist, and pull it back; let it go to slap the inner side of your wrist. The pain is enough to sort of "negatively reinforce" that you shouldn't cut. It leaves no marks, and may help you deal with those few, weak moments we all encounter.

2. Try a red, washable marker. Mark where you feel the need to cut, sometimes the appearance of blood is all that's needed to calm the urge to cut.

3. Press an ice cube into a sensitive part of your skin, such as your inner elbow, wrist, or side. Again, the sting may be enough to help negatively reinforce that you shouldn't cut.

4. Try resting. Sit, or lie down, and refuse to let yourself move until the urge has passed. Once it has, go find something constructive to pass the time with. Draw, write, or do some chores; just try and keep your mind off it. Or, take a short nap. I'm a napoholic. :D

It's a tough situation; if you haven't done so already, you should speak with your counsler about these times. S/he may have some suggestions that are better then these to help you through any times when you feel you may cut again.
Keep your head up, everything will work out. :-)

Answer 3

My understanding is that cutters do this for a release... the pain is used to replace something or remember something.
If you can focus your energy onto something else that can fullfill that void that the pain from cutting fills, that might be a good start.
Maybe a physical activity, run till you reach muscle failure...
Or, Instead of cutting... get a tattoo... same sort of pain, but maybe you will remember the experience by seeing it.
Then you might not do it as often because you have a real visual memory.
This is totally an off the wall suggestion, but I know when I get tats... the pain helps me remember why I got the tat in the first place.
Dont cut yourself. Care not despair.

Answer 4

It sounds like you are making progress and that's great! Keep up with the meds and the counseling, even when you think things are better. I'm sure that having a good stable guy in your life will help but remember that YOU are worth it to have a better life. When the feeling to cut comes on, try to think about the positives in your life and the good things about you and your life. Maybe write down a list of what you have to be thankful for.....grab a pen and paper instead of a cutting tool. Life is hard and we all have demons to face but you can quit hurting yourself and improve your self esteem. I wish you all the best. Love yourself!

Answer 5

I'm an ex-cutter and, no, you're not well yet. If you were someone that he can trust around his kids, etc. then you WOULDN'T have had another episode!

Forget the guy and concentrate on getting healed emotionally so you don't need to cut anymore.I don't cut but I still have issues so I've chosen NOT to have kids. It wouldn't be fair to them to bring them into this world if I'm still messed up. If you have kids while you're still messed up, you're selfish and I feel sorry for the kids.

Believe me, I'd love to have kids and I think I would make a good mother but since I know I still have issues, I won't do that to my kids.

Answer 6

Even though you like this guy, and even though you still have your issues with cutting, do you find it healthy for you to continue on with this relationship? I mean, most cutters cut to equate the emotional pain that they are in. And what if something went awry in this relationship? You would go straight back to cutting on a regular basis. You are doing good right now. Don't set yourself up for pain. It's not fair to you or him.
Rethink this OK.

Answer 7

Join a support group of people with similar problems, and either start your own online group, or join another in Myspace or Yahoo (I'd do both, in case one is offline) and go online whenever you feel like cutting and get some advice and support, maybe organising internet phone or landline phone connections or even webcams, plus the occasional get together for a meal, etc.

Answer 8

This is a method that people can use to eliminate self-damaging behavior:

Sit in a comfortable place....quiet...

Close your eyes. Visualize yourself in a small room.
Visualize 3 doors, portals, escape hatches....whichever way you want, but picture three of them in front of you in this room.

One door is cutting, alcohol, drug abuse, wreckless driving.
The second door is hurting other people or killing them.
The third door is suicide.

Each one of those doors is open to you right now. Visualize going to each of those doors and CLOSING them and SEALING them. Vow never to open those doors again when you are faced with a painful/difficult situation. Those are doors that cannot ever be opened by you to solve a problem, no matter how tough it is.

I do recommend seeing a therapist/counselor, so they can open your eyes to other alternatives (escape hatches) for dealing with pain and anxiety. They exist...we just need help seeing them. Not just now, but later in life, we have to be able to reach out for help in putting problems in their proper context.

You will do great. Do that visualization excercise today.

Answer 9

Seek counseling... yes. And, I don't understand how "cutting" yourself makes things better??? My niece use to cut, maybe she still does, and it makes no sense to me at all. People would think that since you are in a good relationship, and that you are happy, that you wouldn't want to do it anymore, just so you don't jeopardize your new relationship. I just don't get it... how does cutting make you feel better about yourself?

Answer 10

Being a cutter does not make you a person that is not worthwhile. It makes you a person that has low esteem of yourself.
>>>>Always Remember<<<<<<<<<<
>>>YOU ARE WORTH MORE..AND YOU >>>>>>>>DESERVE MORE<<<<<<<<<<<<<
It sounds like you are removing yourself from the denial part of you cutting and are willing to accept help.....Stay in counseling and our prayers will be with you.....
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The below excerpt from you question says a lot about how you feel towards yourself.
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I want to be a better person and a person who doesn't cut. I want to be a better person than that.
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Best of luck to you!