Is it wrong to wait to tell my husband i'm filing for divorce?

Question

We are taking my 4 yr old and going to Disney in April for my little sisters HS graduation party. We have booked our flights and my family's flights all together on one of our pay later accounts because it was easier to get seats together, and he is in control of ALL of our finances. All our taxes also just got deposited into "his" bank account.

If I tell him I want a divorce before we go to Disney, he will not only cancel the flights for everyone out of spite, but he will keep all the money set aside for the vacation as well just to "stick it to me", kind of as a blackmail to stay.

I don't like acting like I want to be here when I know I don't but there is so much riding on what I do. I would feel horrible if he ruined this trip because I couldn't hold my horses for a couple more months.

I am always the stronger spouse, and it sounds petty, but i'm sick of it. Unknown to me, I married a 15 yr old in a 33 yr olds body. And this 15 yr old is the KING of irresponsibility, distrust, and control. I have many other questions asking advice about my marraige, and have tried counseling, the counselor even says he is pretty much hopeless. It sucks, it really does. But i'm not going to teach my daughter that this is what marraige is supposed to be like.

And he already knows that i'm not happy and that I want out, so it won't come as too much of a suprise to him. We have been planning this trip for over a year and everytime we get into an argument and I say i'm done, he threatens to leave me without a penny and cancel the trip not only for us, but for my parents and siblings as well because the flights were booked on OUR bill me later account.

Answer 1

He sounds like a real azzhole. What you should do is bide your time, save a nice amount of money, then serve him with the papers. Make sure you already have a place set up for you and your child. He's such a prick for threatening you like that, especially when you guys have a child.

Try not to argue with him during this time, for your child's sake. Go on your trip, try to have fun, but please don't do anything rash until you have the funds you need to be able to survive on your own.

I wish you all the luck with this one. You're brave for leaving. There's a lot of women out there this very moment who are miserable, along with their kids, because they are remaining married to their husbands when they should have left.

Hopefully you have a strong relationship with your family and friends. If you do, you'll be just fine. And your daughter will be happier for it.

Answer 2

I would go. The upcoming divorce is going to be a nasty contentious affair...I can already tell. If he acts like that now...just wait till you try and take half. It'll get ugly and real fast.

So go and enjoy your time with your kids and your parents. Truly have fun and try and forget the coming storm. I know it sounds hard but the storm will come whether you have fun or not...so have fun.

As far as the court proceedings. I have some news for you. You get half. I don't care if the account is only in his name or not. It doesn't matter (unless the account existed before you were married and even then only the amount in the account at the time of marriage is shielded - monies deposited afterwards are a 50-50 split). All assets created during the marriage are jointly owned. Period. He opens an account in his name only means squat. He might tell you otherwise. Just smile, his lawyer will educate him soon enough. Too bad you can't see his face when he does though.

Leave you without a penny? In the short term he can clear the bank accounts. Maybe even close them. Funny thing about judges. They can order the bank to disclose a history of all balances and transactions. Oops. Sorry ex...you gotta fork over half...maybe more if you piss the judge off with that little stunt.

Remember that man or woman in the black robes has seen literally thousands of cases. He/she has seen, heard and been through it all 1000's of times. They aren't stupid.

Good luck to you...and have fun with your kids and parents at Disneyland.

Answer 3

Wow are we married to the same man? Well I told my husband I want a divorce, and the begging me to stay and the I promise I will change thing gets old. I know what you mean about the money issues tho too. If you really want out of this and you don't have the love you once did, you should talk to him and be honest. I wouldn't hide those feelings from him. If the trip gets cancelled and he runs off with the savings, it is beyond your control. Do you really think he would do that to your 4 year old? I am sure you all have told him/her that your going to Disney. So would he really let your child down? Tell him that you will try to work on things for a few months to see if it gets any better... that way you all still get the trip and your honest with him too.

Answer 4

You sound like so many women that ended up with a CONTROL FREAK! I dont envy your situation. I think you should wait to tell him. Dont ruin you 4 year old's disney trip or the Graduation for your little sister. you've stuck it out this long; holding off a little longer wont be so bad! It may also be a good time to talk to your family members about your situation and what your immediate plans are after the vacation. Have an exit strategy in place before you drop the bomb! He sounds very vindictive, and it will be all about him, and his ego when you break the news. Play the happy house wife a little longer.

Answer 5

It may be wrong, BUT, why punish the kids? You've dealt with him this long, a few more months won't hurt. besides, you can use this trip as a reason. If he does something that irritates you or makes you mad while on the trip (which you know he will) you can use that as the reason for wanting the divorce when you get back. Have fun on the trip, I love Disney World myself and I am almost 40. ;)

Answer 6

There's a time & place for everything & telling your husband you want a divorce before the trip would not be smart as you already know. Wait until after the trip & then approach your husband when the time is right, otherwise, there will be a lot of very disappointed people, especially your little girl.

Answer 7

Hark this, and heed thy words: The man betrothed to thee is but a speck of sand on the beach of life. Thine happiness is more than this. Should the knight to whom ye belong decide to cast a net of deciept around ye, acceptance should be admitted. Yey, acceptance that naught can be done to brighten this, the dark day on which thine husband condemned thee and thine family. No, decisions ye must make now, before the chance to use such acts of deception against ye are offered. Taking the grooms salary is but a crime! Thine heart shall guide thee, but warnéd be ye. Should thine seed be harmed by the hand of this man, t'will be by his hand alone. Thine seed shall know that the pain delivered was from the hand of the groom, not of the bride. Now, to ye it is said, to help the cleave from the bosom of matromony, honesty is like the horse on which the noble knight rides - for without such virtues the courts will deem you a witch, and forthwith remove from ye such rights as you have enjoyed thus far.

Answer 8

You need to act tactfully. If you're sure about filing for divorce and fear your husband would try everything to prevent it, then arrange the money on your own and then plan to move out.

Because, in any case, you may be charged for almost fraudulent usage of the card and matters would be complicated and need to be resolved later. Or just ask for your share of money back and try to claim it back in a legitimate way.

Answer 9

Sounds to me like you didn't plan this out too well. Now the only real solution for the ones you love is to hold off telling him until after things are set. I would also do something about that money issue. I just hope it won't come as a surprise when it hits.

Answer 10

I don't know girl- you have to think about you and your child's happiness...if you go on the trip and just end up screaming at each other or ignoring each other will it really be worth it? Think about the pros and cons of staying in the marriage until April...and most importantly think about the mental health of your child..children always know when parents aren't getting along. My advice would be to get out now, but I if you guys can be civil on the trip- then wait it out.