A close friend of mine passed away about a month and a half ago. He had been with the same girl for four years and they have two children and were planning to get married. She has already moved on and has a new boyfriend. She never calls any of her friends that she hung with when they were together unless she wants them to babysit. She is hanging out with new people now, going out every weekend, even trying to get friends who are ill to keep her kids so she can go out, etc. I was one of her best friends before her fiance passed, and I never hear from her anymore, except for wanting me to babysit. There are some very upset people because of all this. Everyone thinks it's disrespectful to the deceased person. She has even been staying with this new guy at his house!! What are your opinions on this?
2007-02-07 01:05:43 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
I have talked to her about all this, but she always acted like she wasn't seeing anyone and it was upsetting her that everyone was saying she was, but now here she is doing it? I have taken up for her on so many different occasions, and now I look like an idiot. I am just hurt that it seems like she is having nothing to do with me or any of her old friends anymore. We were very close, and I just don't understand how you can throw someone down that was so close to you??
2007-02-07 01:17:05 · update #1
As long as she needs to. It is her life and her decision...good or bad, her choices are hers. And the bad part is that the consequences are also hers.
2007-02-07 01:30:43 · answer #1 · answered by kmoc123 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She is dating too soon, but it seems as if she it mourning but in the wrong, unhealthy way.....it seems she is trying to forget and seperating herself from the people who would most remind her.....someone needs to confront her or everyone who cares should tell them what she is doing isn't healthy for herself or her children in the long run.....a lot of people who are mourning with children forget that the children are dealing with a lot....it would best benefit the entire family to see some professional help to deal with the loss......my sister has been doing the same thing and she won't listen either.
2007-02-07 09:14:04 · answer #2 · answered by Mom of Four 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am, a 46 yr. old WIDOW, my hubby passed away in 1999, I had only been with him, all-together 3 yrs.... I didn't start "seeing" other people for 8 months & then it "felt", wrong, so then I waited another 4 months.. I think it depends on the person, But I think , at least 6months, is respectful, ya know?!?!?!?! Plus I wanted to tell u, also, it may hurt her to be around "the old group", that may be the reason she is avoiding you, let her move on, for a awhile & if you truelly had A GOOD FRIENDSHIP,,SHE WILL RETURN ,,, BE pATIENT, & TRY NOT TO judge,,,,
2007-02-07 09:14:45 · answer #3 · answered by Gertie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She's been hit very low very hard by life. She's over compensating and isn't really in control of her actions or emotions. Sooner or later, it'll come back to her HARD. She'll break down and need a friend's shoulder to cry on. Being a best friend, she will probably turn to you. Give her time. She's had a guy she loved very much in her life for four years. She's not used to being alone.
2007-02-07 09:18:36 · answer #4 · answered by no name brand canned beans 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What happened to her is very tragic. What she is doing is trying to forget, she wants to forget all about him and the life she had with him..probably because if she thinks about it she is devastated. Her going out and getting a new boyfriend is just a way of acting out because of how upset she is. She is just masking her feelings and rebounding. If you are/were her best friend I would really talk to her. Go to her house uninvited and sit down with her..tell her you really need to talk about the situation, but be very gentle. Explain to her YOUR feelings about his passing (it always helps to hear other people's pain in order to confront your own). Really sit down and have a good heart to heart with her. As much as you think you need it, she needs it even more.
Good luck!
2007-02-07 09:16:07 · answer #5 · answered by Suki 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
All the "old" friends are reminders of what she lost. If you all are this concerned about her, sit her down and have a pow-wow. Ask her how she is and the like; don't blast her and don't put down the new man. Let her bring that up. Her friends, her home and even her children all reminders of what's gone. She has lost half of herself.
2007-02-07 09:19:43 · answer #6 · answered by DeadHelen 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To me it sounds like she is still griving,but acting out in this manner.She probably needs you now more than ever.Have you tried to talk to her about this?Shes trying to hide her pain,and it sounds like by her going out with new friends and not her old ones all the memories are with them,you know what I mean?
2007-02-07 09:12:17 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Everyone deals with grief in their own way. Perhaps this drastic change is her way of dealing with it. You shouldnt judge her too much as you don't really know whats going on in her head. Why dont you call her & arrange to meat up with her so that you can talk
2007-02-07 09:10:41 · answer #8 · answered by wordykat 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I think a month is way to soon to move on. I would think 6 months to a year would be appropriate.
2007-02-07 09:12:35 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't judge other people. People do what they have to do to "survive". Just because someone doesn't do it the way you would have or in a way you don't understand, doesn't mean it isn't the "right" thing for them to do.
2007-02-07 09:09:02 · answer #10 · answered by Alexandriagal 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋