Stepmoms & stepkids I need your advice.?

Question

I am in a long distance relationship that has become very serious, and is leaning heavily toward marriage. My sweetie has a teenager daughter who lost her Mom in a car accident 2 years ago. I adore the two of them, but can see a few differences of opinion in the dynamics of our relationships together. I am leery about where I stand and how to go about discussing things, and knowing if I should even talk about certain things. Any pointers?

Ok just thought i'd add here, that his daughter and I get along fantastically, she is excited about the upcoming marriage and happy. My concern here lies more with where do I step into discussions with him on her wwelfare, school etc, and do I do things like that at all. A few examples of things I have on my mind are our worries about her grades in school, discipline, etc. He has come to me telling me things about these subjects, I listen and make suggestions if I feel he is curious about my thoughts. But sometimes I am not sure that's the right thing to do, is this one of those stepparent boundaries I do not cross and let him handle, or do I need to just be the listener in these situations?

Answer 1

First of all, there's no reason you should feel you can't give advice to either of them.

Beyond that, whether you're going to act more as a parent or a little less (more like an aunt) depends on the girl and what dynamic she's looking for. She's old enough that a 'parent-child' dynamic may not be required, but a positive older female relative could still be welcome.

Answer 2

Yes, you should be open and honest with you mate about what’s on your mind as far as the relationship. You should never enter into marriage with hidden secrets and feelings that makes for a quick divorce. As far as his teenage daughter is concerned, keep in mind that even though her mother is now deceased you’re still not her mother. You can not replace her mother in any way shape form or fashion. When it comes to discipline for his child you need to leave that to him because that may cause a serious problem. Take the time to talk to your mate about your relationship and how certain things are going to work before you get married.

Answer 3

Sorry, i'm no longer a stepmom, yet i might want to inform you what i'd probable do if I were on your footwear. the daddy of this newborn is drained of being put in the middle of raising his daughter? She's 14 and doing issues that could get her into worry? the mum lets her do what she needs? you're not to any extent further her mom. you've made it sparkling to the daddy what she is doing and may't end her. he's being enormously unfair to help you're taking each and each and every of the nice and cozy temperature in raising her properly. that is demanding to be the figure that announces no, and if she sees you as a step-figure and her dad and mom doing no longer some thing, that is going to get undesirable. Step lower back. yet in the previous you do, you pick to communicate over together with your 2 little ones and enable them comprehend that less than no situations will that habit be tolerated through you. appears like the completed ingredient is going to blow up on your face no matter if you react or do not. this is a not person-friendly one. i do not envy you. sturdy luck with the way you're taking care of it.

Answer 4

Talk to the girl just you and her. Tell her that you are not taking her mothers place, that you are just pleased to have the chance to be in her life. That you can be a very good friend to her. And you want her to know that if she ever wants to talk about her mom you will be there for her and not to be afraid to mention her. And let her know that you will never come between her and her father, she may feel a little threatened because he is all she has left. It may take some patience at times. depending on her attitude of him marrying someone else.

Answer 5

Tred very softly ...almost like walkingon egg shells....You want the girl to first like you for who you are then she can fom her own opinion...But take it easy...slowly things will come around for you but do not try to force a relationship on this child because it will backfire. I had to win over 7 grownkids when I married my husband and yes it was rough I did prevail because I wouldn't give up...Some kids are harder to sway than others...buthey we all get along and I am so happy...Patience is your best thing here

Answer 6

If you are in a relationship, things are becoming more serious, then by all means talk to this person. You have to be able to get those things out to make a relationship work. Good luck!

Answer 7

I AM IN A LONG-DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP THAT TURNED INTO MARRIAGE AFTER 10 MONTHS OF DATING. MY HUSBAND IS OLDER AND HAS 2 KIDS, MY AGE. IT WILL BE VERY HARD TO GET ALONG, I AM SURE. BUT I WILL DO ANYTHING.
I THINK THAT WHAT YOU CAN DO IS BEING NICE TO HER, TALK TO HER AS FRIENDS AND DON'T TRY TO GET THE ROLE OF HER MOTHER. ASSURE HER OF HOW MUCH YOU LOVE HER DAD AND RESPECT HER MOM AND CARE FOR HER. TELL HER THAT NO WOMAN WILL EVER TAKE HER PLACE, AND THAT YOU DON'T WANT HER TO THINK THAT YOUR GOAL IS TO TAKE HER MOM'S PLACE. TRY TO EARN HER TRUST AS A FRIEND, SHOW HER THAT YOU ARE NOT A THREAT FOR HER RELATIONSHIP WITH HER DAD. WHEN SHE FEELS READY(AND IT WILL TAKE SOME TIME, BELIEVE ME) SHE WILL COME TO YOU. UNTIL THEN, JUST BE YOURSELF. LET HIS DAUGHTER SEE THE REAL YOU AND TO KNOW FOR HERSELF THAT YOU REALLY CARE ABOUT HER DAD AND HER TOO.

Answer 8

Step children is a difficult situation I think you should talk about
your feelings and see if all of you can work things out

Answer 9

if u love the father then love his children too,