pregnant and my prtner wants me to get a termination.?

Question

Im 23 and pregnant with my second child. I have been with my partner for over a year and we live together with my daughter from a previous relationship. When he found out i was pregnant he hit the roof, and has told me ever since that he wants me to terminate the pregnancy which i dont want to do. But now I feel he is emotionally blackmailing me as he is threatning to leave and never return! what the hell do i do?

Answer 1

oh hun, this is a tricky one, i think you should do some soul searching, and find out in your heart what it is that you want. Think of it this way, boyfriends come and go but your child needs the love of its mother first and foremost. If he is going to leave you because you are carrying his child, then ask yourself this,," does this fella really love me ". Although you live together , it seems the thought of a baby completely pins him to you, and if he was completely happy with you , he wouldnt feel threatened by that.

lets face it, he is no longer a child but a grown man and it takes two to make a conception, he needs to realise that the both of you created this child and hes asking you to to take full responsibility on the decision, in other words, keep the child, lose him, keep him, lose the child.

im so sorry for you hun, thats one hell of a dilemma. The answer is within you, search for it, and do whats right for you, and for you only since you will be the one living with that desicion for the rest of your life.

i hope it all works out for you, good luck my friend, xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Answer 2

Unfortunately you should let him go despite the fact that you most probably do not want to - the fact that he does not consider your feelings and/or your thoughts about this child should tell you that he really does not love you in the manner that you should be loved. Second, the fact that he would disregard a child that you are carrying (the woman that he claims to love) - should also show you that you do not mean that much to him - a man that is in love and finds out that the woman he loves is carrying his child would be thrilled, scared but thrilled and would never think of asking or demanding for her to kill the baby - lastly, to give you an ultimatum to choose between your unborn child and him - that seems very childish and yet very unfair and for him to put you in that situation should be another relevation to your eyes, that this is not the man for you.

I know that it is not easy to admit or to acknowledge that this man that you have been together "forever" turns out to be such a jerk, but you are no longer a child but a woman and you should act and be treated as such - if you are able to support your child and provide for that child without becoming a burden on anyone else but have the support of your family and/or friends - try keeping your baby and moving along - two things will happen, either he will see that you are not going to terminate your pregnant, leave, and then want to return to be in your life or just the baby's life - and if that is to ever happen, you should show him that you managed on your own and that you just need a father for your child.

Another thing that I wanted just to point out - that is why it is so important to have a man marry you because in such a situation where the woman gets pregnant - it would not be as easy for the man to say - "I am leaving" - if we are good enough to become a man's "baby's mother" we should be good enough to become their wife first - good luck and hope you do what is best for you not anyone else...

Answer 3

He has a right to his opinion but not to pressure you into anything. I dont think men realise just how traumatic a termination is. If you want this baby then dont give in you will never forgive yourself if you have a termination just so your partner stays. What are his reasons for not wanting a baby?

Dont let him blackmail you this way.
Sit down and ask him why he dosent want a baby. Explain the termination procedure and just how traumatic it will be for you. Explain that this is something you want. I would however listen to his reasons. If his reasons are selfish then take no notice he is not ready for children and make the decision on your own.

Please dont give into him.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do and remember that it is your body and your decision at the end of the day.

Answer 4

If you don't want to terminate the baby and try to go through with it, you might not beable to go through with it when you get to the hospital or you could end up emotionally so hurt that you are unable to look after your daughter the best way. If you want this baby then have it, your partner isn't doing his job very well if he's threatening to leave you and your daughter completely. It doesn't sound asthough this relationship was built to last, if you have the baby, he may resent you for it and leave but if you have a termination, you'll resent him and it will cause future arguments, do what's right in your heart and for you and your daughter. I've been in the same position.

Answer 5

I'm sure your are going to a hard moment trying to decide ... but you already did, you don't want to. just look at your baby girl and I'm sure you still think I want this baby, you made it with love and I'm sure nothing is out of place... things don't happen just because.
Sorry I have to say but if your partner wants you to abort he may need to research a little and realize that if you are more than 3 weeks pregnant that baby is already in the way, it would be to terminate a life a little heart that started to form and pulsate.
Makes me really sad... specially considering that my husband and I we are trying to conceive for 2 years now without luck and there's other people like your partner with such a great blessing that just think of a baby like any other "thing" that he can get rid just because he thinks is inconvenient.
If he doesn't want kids than he may get a vasectomy done, it's not your problem girl. He may not really deserve you or this baby for that matter.

Answer 6

Remain true to yourself. He has accepted you daughter, why not his own child? Try talking to him, ask what it is that has made him come to this decision.

I found a good line that alwys works, especially when you've been emotionally blackmailed is;

'Yeah go then, run away from your responsibilities when it gets to tough, but I'll tell you what, dont ever ask for any good times, and trust me, there will be loads, because you dont want the responsibilities full stop, remember. You cant pick and choose when you do and don't want the responsibilities to suit yourself. Everything comes with good and bad times....you just get on with it, its life.'

Lost count of the amount of times its worked, lol

Answer 7

Your baby too if he loved you enough to get you pregnant. Then he should love you enough to accept the consequenses. If he is blackmailing you I would question his love for you. It sounds to me as if he is selfish. If he wants to leave let him you need to see this pregnancy as a gift and enjoy it . I'd be telling him goodbye if he cant accept it. After you have the baby make him pay. Keep telling him you put it there it takes two.it sounds to me if he hasnt grown up. whatever you do dont terminate cause you will regret it for the rest of your life.

Answer 8

Hi Hun, If you have an abortion believe me you will regret it for the rest of your life, its ok him telling you to but he isn't the one that has to go through with and live with that over hanging over him for the rest of his life,also if u do go ahead and do it the relationship wont last anyway because your always be thinking of what he has made you do,you have that little bundle of joy and he will come round to the idea even if he does leave, once the baby is here his heart will just melt, i hope everything works out for you, good luck..xxx

Answer 9

You might calmly and firmly tell him that he is kind of a monster having no love and no respect for your life wishes and for your life events. You might ask him tell you what he does really want from life and from you. You might ask him if it would not be good for your daughter to soon get a little brother or a little sister.

To emotionally blackmail others, one's life's partner, is to want to keep them as hostages. Being kept as an emotional hostage is definitely not healthy.

This partner is definitively not mature enough to live a normal and developing life and you may have to drastically choose between keeping him as an immature man and going on being his sexual servant and his second mother,

or getting your own new baby and so making your life wider and hopefully brighter for your daugther and for yourself on your own. Good luck!

Answer 10

let him go, do you really want to spend the rest of your life with a man so callous and selfish? Have your baby and be happy with your two children as long as they have a loving stable mother you will be just fine. Staying with a man who will resent his own child is not a healthy situation for any of you. Yes single parenthood is hard but millions of women do it every day and you can too. Be strong and have your baby kick this loser to the kerb.