I've been 2 years married. However, even before i got married, there is this one guy (a friend of mine in college) that i think of every now and then.When this guy pops in my head, i would text him or look at his picture but nothing more than that. I really dont want to think of this guy but sometimes, i would just dream of him or remember him. and when i do, i feel happy or excited. I know that i love my husband but could it be that i love this guy too? What should i do?
2007-02-06 19:48:07 · 23 answers · asked by Lindsay 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
no sweetie that is called a fantasy and as long as you don't act on it then it is not cheating.You sound like you love your husband very much so if you do I would n ot talk,text or even look at this guy because you know you have weakness with him. You made vow to be committed to your hubby so it is up to you to push away any temptations that may present itself later on.Just remember those vows you took and ask yourself this? when you get ready to text or call the guy,"would I want my husband to be doing this with his high school crush?" Good luck
2007-02-06 19:57:18 · answer #1 · answered by stegall_sherry 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not really cheating until you let it begin to affect your relationship with you husband. Fantasies are ok. Yet you reach a point where you are doing what is called emotional cheating. Where you give your heart to someone else or even in this case an idea. I know that sounds weird, giving your heart to an idea, but it is not uncommon. Many women will often think about cheating for a long time, mulling over the idea of why and what about it makes them cheat. Some never do, but to obsess about it is not fair to yourself or him.
You really need to accept that you can have you small fantasy here and there and not let it get anymore serious. Or re-evaluate your life and why you are having these feelings if it is really that serious.
Hope that helps.
2007-02-07 03:54:24 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Memories are fine. Fond memories are great. But, when you spoke of the old flame, you said happy AND excited. That isn't memories, it's yearning, or some other inappropriate emotion. So, what do you do? Either divorce your husband, and go after the old flame, or IF you want to be married to your husband, throw away any pictures, and NEVER call or text this guy again-ever.
2007-02-07 05:31:04 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Millions of people recall a past love or two---it's natural----but as you go on with your marriage, you will probably be too busy to have time for these thoughts---your husband probably has a girl or two he dreams of---like I said it is only natural---just don't mention or ask--unless you want a big argument about nothing. DO NOT WRITE OR CALL THIS GUY----no need to unless you get separated or divorced and he is available---good luck
2007-02-07 03:53:36 · answer #4 · answered by fire_inur_eyes 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Great question. We all have this experience. (My grandfather on his deathbed confessed to still thinking about his high school girlfriend). A few points to think about though. Jesus said that adultery is even when you think about having sex with another person besides your partner. I think this is a little idealistic. Usually when I think of an ex, it's when I'm a little stressed, or my home life is bothering me. It's basically wishful thinking or escapism. The song "if you can't be with the one you love, (honey), love the one you're with" reminds us to be present in our relationships and to love your life as it is. All that being said, I still don't agree.
I think marriage is a construct that society has created that stems deeply from ownership of women like property. In reality, marriages function in the range of a spectrum, not just black and white. My grandfather, again, said "you can never love too much" Then again, he ran away with the baby sitter for a week of drinking and sex.
Ultimately, nothing is going to come of your daydreaming and it is loving energy that you could be putting towards your current relationship. Some things to think about as I'm still undecided on this one.
Great question!
2007-02-07 04:05:33 · answer #5 · answered by CharlieC 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
hello, well you made a choice and you married your choice, we all have fantsies, but you have someone you married and most likly loves you, you know what you have but you dont know about this guy, or how he would treat you now, so my advice is to spice up your romance with your good husbamd who would be irrevesibly hurt from your sordid affair, so stop texting this guy and talk to your husband more, if that dosent help then get a devorce, and chase your dream! i think you will find out that hes not worth all the trouble and you will never be able to go back to what you have. think on it! best wishes.
2007-02-07 04:45:36 · answer #6 · answered by villyschmidt 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Texting this guy is just plain wrong. It's ok to remember him, but it's basically a fantasy at this point and you should keep it out from your reality if you want to stay married.
Yes, it's possible to love two people at the same time, but it's almost impossible to have two relationships that last simultaneously.
2007-02-07 03:51:27 · answer #7 · answered by tony1athome 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Lindsay... if u said that it is 'love',so i will tell u that LOVE IS BEYOND OUR CONTROL. But it doesn't mean that we have to surender dear... Yupp.... maybe forcing your self will make you hurt, so.. just walk on with realizing that you have to control this feeling.
Step your feet when u know u could go,then stop when u feel that u start passing by the line.
Follow your heart bcoz you know better than anyone about your guilty.
I am sure...time will teach you how..
2007-02-07 05:29:10 · answer #8 · answered by Rien 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As long as it stays to this then I would say it is nothing. I'm sure that everyone, including your husband has had past relationships that he thinks of. As long as you love your husband and are faithful then I wouldn't worry too much about it!
2007-02-07 03:52:36 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
cheating in 2 way: mental and sexual
so you arenot secually cheating but mentally yes you are cheating. soory but this is the truth coz you are on ewho asked am i cheating my husband.
you are guilty, stop the guilt, stop thinking, be a good girl to yourself and your husband comes first and he deserves first your care and your love and thinking, you will be rewarded in good and it will be lovely when you see your husband reaction is positive, I am really pleased to help you , nothing is perfect in life.
be patient, if your husband is not perfect than are you perfect??
what could be changed in you and your husband, talk to each other when you find yourself comfortable with him. treat your husband with respect and love. take care of him and of yourself, make yourself is beauty kween, and make him feel like he is a king
2007-02-07 03:57:24 · answer #10 · answered by Summer O 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋