we've been married for almost 4 years, and his drinking habits seem to get worse everyday ... it is frigthening me to the bones ... i always try to convince him to minimize his drinking sprees but he just dismisses me most of the time ... what should i do?
2007-02-06 17:52:13 · 12 answers · asked by majal_lu 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I wounder what attracted you to prince charming in the first place?
Marriage is all about the dress, why else would woman marry a man they do not know.
c
2007-02-06 17:57:34 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I kept thinking mine would change for 23 years -- what a waste of my time and my life. They don't change. Especially if you are enabling them. Get out clean, while you can and there are no children to pass on the alcoholism gene to, because it's a sad lonely life. For you and your children because they are emotionally unavailable people. He will never love you as much as the beer and alcohol. If you give an ultimatum, you will see that if you say, "it's me or the alcohol", he will choose the alcohol, and say, "I dare ya to leave me." -- so leave. It doesn't ever get better. Sorry to say, but I had no alcoholics in my family and no experience of it, and I had to find that out the really hard way. Forget couples counseling -- doesn't work when it's in the genes and especially if he's not religious and won't go to AA meetings -- doesn't sound like he thinks he has a problem, and doesn't want it fixed if he does. Fortunately it doesn't sound like he's a mean or violent drunk -- unless that's what you mean about being frightening of it, but I kind of took that to mean you are worried about him for his health, as well that is true and you should be. But believe me, it takes its toll on your health too and isn't worth it. This type of man always has to lose everything anyway -- including his family, his wife and children -- and hit rock bottom before they decide to change anyway, so if you stay, he'll never feel a need to get help. Enabling. That's what it means. When he loses you, and every other relationship that may come along, he'll start to realize that he needs help for his problem and not before.
2007-02-06 17:57:16 · answer #2 · answered by Carmen S 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Then get out. Every day you stay in a situation that makes you unhappy is a day you could have been happy! Is it worth it? You need to take some hard steps. Either move out or ask him to. If you want to give him a chance ask him to start going to AA. You should find an AlAnon group or some support group for families of alcoholics. Figure out what you want from life and then take the steps to get it. It won't be easy, might be scary but in the end you will be stronger for it.
Good luck.
2007-02-06 23:28:54 · answer #3 · answered by CV 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I drank heavily for the first 8 years of my marriage. For most of that time, we didn't have enough money and I was drinking most of it. I put my drinking before my wife and kids. I've now been married, to the same girl, for 18 and a half years. My wife stuck with me and, by the grace of God, I quit drinking. I'm very glad my wife stuck with me but I wouldn't advise anyone to do what she did.
2007-02-06 18:01:32 · answer #4 · answered by smittie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Suggest couples counseling (the councilor should be able to direct his problem from there). Maybe try and go to an AA meeting yourself and ask for help from those people. They would probably be able to tell you how to go about this so you shouldn't be afraid.
2007-02-06 17:57:11 · answer #5 · answered by Andrea 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are scared and frightened to be there - then just get out!!! He most likely will not change, and perhaps if you leave it might be the wake up call he needs....
2007-02-06 21:31:08 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he will not get help then I would think about leaving and see were things go from there. Why stay with some one that frightens you?
2007-02-06 17:57:21 · answer #7 · answered by DESTINY 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a difficult situation,I know you can not talk to him because he would not admit he has a drinking problem.If there is no
way possible to work things out,I would leave.
2007-02-07 00:56:17 · answer #8 · answered by jojo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Run-don't walk as fast as you can and get away. I promise you it will not get better if you stay. Take my word as a sober rummy.
2007-02-06 17:56:29 · answer #9 · answered by Rick O 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like it's time for an ultimatum.
Do you still love him? Do you want it to work?
2007-02-06 17:56:09 · answer #10 · answered by Geico Caveman 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋