My husband had hit me on the leg and on my hand, he yells at me sometimes, says he isn't abussive, what to do

Question

when i was pregnant he hit me on the leg because I accidentally knocked a glass of water on the floor, he raises his voice often and tells me words like: helpless *****, idiot, etc... he kind of push me(I did not fall) when I was pregnant, now we have a 3 months old baby.
Tonight he hit me very hard on my hand and one of my fingers was bledding a little bit. it is very hard with him, I talked to him a lot, asked him to go to counseling or if not I am going to leave him at some point, he does not want to acknowledge the fact that he is an abusser, he says he is not and that he hits me 'cause I irritated him for some reason... he does not want to go to counseling, he had said he will go just I do not mention it anymore, he does not want to pay for the counseling sesions. I know he has a problem and therefore I have it too because I live with him, he had hurt me so much, he says "I am sorry" all the time but he goes back to the same behaviour. I will listen to your sugestions, thanks.

Answer 1

well, clearly he has a problem...that is a spirit of abuse....

I think that your first concern needs to be for your safety and the safety of your child...

It is not anything that will just stop...and the scars of emotional, verbal, and physical abuse run deep into the soul...

You have to ask yourself 'why will I stay...and do I want my child to think that this is an acceptable lifestyle'

I am sure it is a hard decision to make, but he won't just stop!!!Trust me....

If you need anything...please contact me and I will help you as much as I can....

Answer 2

First let me start by saying how sorry I am that you are going through this... My heart is very sad to hear how painful this must be for you..... Your husband is in denial, he is abusing you and he needs help. The thing that scares me the most is he says he does it because you are "irritating" him. What will he do when your baby starts "irritating" him a little? My ex-husband threw a heavy glass at me while pregnant, and after giving birth by c-section while I still had staples shoved me so hard I flipped backwards over the coffee table and almost landed on my infant in his swing. That was it for me, I have been divorced 8 yrs and have not seen or heard from him since. He actually has no rights to my son by court order....... You need to demand that he gets help now, if he is unwilling you need to remove yourself from the situation, it will only get worse and will be devastating to your child. Please, please find someone you can talk to , a minister, counselor, family member. I am hoping that you have a good support system. It is not a easy road, but your child does not need to see their mother being treated this way. You deserve much more. Hold your head high and don't allow this to happen anymore. Best of Luck to you and your family.

Answer 3

He is an abuser and he can't stop it. No husband should hit his wife, no matter how angry he is. Saying "I am sorry" all the time is useless if he doesn't mean it. I would suggest you leave him and stay somewhere while you give him some time to sort out his attitude. Give him an ultimatum and say that you hope he will change for the family sake, especially now there's a baby involved. If he still does not want too, leave him. You don't want him to take out his anger on the child later and regret it. You don't deserve to live with an abuser too. Good luck.

Answer 4

He definitely has a problem. But you don't have to be afraid of him. I know it's easier said than done, but, if he won't go to therapy, you have to get him to cut it out.

Stand your ground with him. If he raises his voice, or his hand, look him STRAIGHT in the eye and tell him, "Don't do that." Be very clear that you don't want him to hit you. Ask him to "Lower your tone, please" when he yells. If he starts up, at the first hint, get the baby and leave the room. Don't tolerate the behavior, and I bet that it will cool.

If it ramps up instead, your life is in danger, because it will escalte if mild prodding doesn't get him to cut it out. Bullies only bully the bullyable. Don't be bullyable.

But if it gets worse and not better, plan your escape.

Sorry you had to go through this. Good luck, I really mean it!

Answer 5

Take your baby & leave him.Social Services will help you set up another home for you & your child.Then get child support.You do not have to live with fear,,disrespect or physical or mental abuse.Now get a backbone & do this for you & your child.You will be much happier on your own once you are settled.And dont let him threaten you or play the pity card.He is an abuser,,will not change & will get worse so save you & your child the greif.Do not for any reason leave without the child or he will say that you abandoned the child & will get custody.Better days are coming,,I promise.

Answer 6

If he refuses to go to counseling and is worried about paying for it I would tell him that child support will cost him more. I suggest that you call women against abuse and talk to them The are there 24 hrs. a day and the # is in the phone book. You may have to leave before he really hurts you and it may be too late.

Answer 7

Get the F*** out of there. This type of controlling behavior will only escalate. I know it is hard when you hear all the apologies, knowing that you want them to be sincere, and they may even be sincere at the time. You need to think about your baby, your first responsibility is to provide a safe home for him/her. DO NOT LET THIS MAN CONTINUE TO DISRESPECT YOU! In time you will probably find someone who will treat you right, and if not you are better off alone with your child, than living a life controlled by an insecure, problematic bastard.

Answer 8

sorry to hear about your situation hon but I think youre on the right track to offer counseling or leave him. Most abusers don't change and if leaving proves to be difficult, don't be afraid to reach out to your local Women's Refuge. A few of my friends have left their husbands and received help from this organization and they really helped them. You have a baby noww so it's not just yourself you have to think about anymore. You so don't deserve to be slapped on and talked down to. If you want to try counseling but the cost is an issue then you could always try a local minister, most of them do marriage counseling for a small donation.

Answer 9

PLEASE, listen to me. PLEASE, do not raise our baby with this man. Please call your family, friends a church- you need to find help and support and make an action plan to GET OUT. He will ONLY GET WORSE- this is a 100% GUARANTEE

PLEASE, do not waste time on anything else, make it your number one priority to leave. Once you are gone it will take some time for you to heal, but you will get stronger day by day, and will be so glad when your baby does not witness her mommy being hurt by daddy. This man needs help, and even counseling usually won't fix these men. YOU CANNOT FIX HIM, YOU CANNOT LOVE HIM MORE so that he won't hurt you. He is only sorry until the next time he hurts you, and he will hurt you worse and worse.

LOVE DOES NOT HURT!!!!!!!

IF HE HURTS YOU< HE DOES NOT LOVE YOU>>>>

I am so sorry for you- but you can make this better for yourself. Don't give up.

here are domestic violence shelters by state. If this doesn't help, just start looking up information on your computer about Domestic Violence.
http://www.letswrap.com/usadv/

Answer 10

I am speaking from experience, my kids father put his hands on me and all it took was 1 time.He choked me in front of my 5 year old twins at the time.If he have done it more than once and he does not want to seek help,it is time to leave him.The person who loves you should not hurt you.If a man have to put his hands on you in any violent way,he is less of a man and plus you do not want your child to grow up like mines did telling everyone,my dad hurt my mom .He will always say he sorry but will never need it and if you do decide to leave him,make sure you have help around you,speaking from experience.

Answer 11

I am SO sorry for you. Take the baby, leave and don't come home until he seeks help. If he hits you he will hit your child. Never leave him alone with your baby EVER until he gets help. He has a serious anger problem. Even if someone makes you upset that is no reason to be verbally and physically abusive. You need to leave, and also seek councelling for yourself on how to deal with what he has told you and how to stand up to him. Self defense classes would be great if you can afford it. But please leave until he gets help. It's not just about you, but your baby!