OK so I have been married for 11yrs. I for the most part thought things were going welluntil about 3 weeks ago. My husband just basically woke up and said that he was unhappy and that he doesnt feel loved. I am not sure what happened I do know he and a close friend of mine have been talking alot her husband is in Irak. They both swear they are only friends and I think I believe them but it is all to weird. He says he can talk to her and she just listens and doesnt give any advice or an opinion. OK I get that we all need someone to talk to right. I dont know if I am over reacting or under reacting here. It is not like they talk on the phone it is in person at her house sometimes he takes our kids over there to play with her kids we have 5 all together between the two families. Things are going down hill fast and I am not sure if it is because of me or us or maybe her. How to really truely know and when is enough enough.
2007-02-06 16:18:47 · 14 answers · asked by hedda 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You need to set strcit boundaries and let him know that it's not a matter of you do not want him to be happy but this situation is making you unhappy an affecting you in a negative way as well as your relationship with him!
GL!
'-)
2007-02-06 16:22:36 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What do you expect is going on with 5 kids in the room? I was accused of having an "inappropriate social affair" by my wife with a neighbor woman. I considered it a good friendship but because it was a woman, it was classified inappropriate. So I told the wife I would start hanging at a bar with a man friend all the time and see if that was OK with her. Of course not. It is a control issue around my house and if it ain't her way, I am doing something wrong. Nice marraige, just kidding.
Maybe after 11 years of marraige, he realizes, as did I, that the wife doesn't listen at all. Men are typically accused of that, but I know now firsthand that my wife doesn't hear a word I say. Only when it is threatening. Give the dude some space.
2007-02-07 00:32:54 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He didn't say he didn't love you, He said he didn't feel loved. Maybe you should get this friend or someone else you trust your kids with to babysit so you and your husband can have a long talk. Ask him to talk to you and explain how he is feeling without you interupting. He feels the way he does for a reason. You can also tell him how you feel about him talking to this other woman especially since her husband is gone. The problem won't get fixed talking to someone else. Not that it's bad to use someone else as a sounding board, but it's your marriage not your friends.
2007-02-07 00:35:09 · answer #3 · answered by KM 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well, I have kind of been in that situation before...
I truly believe that there is an order to relationships...and if he is talking to her...he is out of order...she is your close friend first..not his...
I say that because it is causing you to have problems....He should respect your comfortt level...that is fair...
Not that you are jealous, but he owes you the respect of talking to you first...and not her...
I don't think that there is any reason he should find it a comfor to talk to her about the issues you all have...
He can find a male friend to talk to, or a counselor...but that barrier needs to be respected...
I think that maybe there is a place where there are some needs not being met..and it is nothing that some good counseling couldn't solve...
If he does not want to do that, then I think that you really need to worry...because he should at least want to try to work it out...
That is the commitment you all made when you took vows....
FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE!!!!!
2007-02-07 00:22:30 · answer #4 · answered by LIFECOACH 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust your gut instinct!
i smell a liar here. I would be over-reacting if i were you.
Is there anyway you can get in contact with her husband?? Because i would be telling him whats going on and finding out if he knows anything about this or not.
But i think your hubby needs to talk to YOU!! Not your friend. If theres not communication, you have a big problem, he needs to communicate with you weather he likes it or not!! You must make time to sit down, listen to what he has to say and talk to him as well.
Good Luck!!!
2007-02-07 00:29:47 · answer #5 · answered by Moz 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need counseling and help for you and for this marriage. If he wants the other woman more then you then get out and file for divorce. Ask him to please stop talking with this woman and if he cannot or wont then you know something is up and going on here. If he truley loves you and wants the marriage to work then he will change and not talk with her anymore at all. He needs to stop talking with her and go to a counselor with you and talk to them.
http://www.drphil.com
2007-02-07 00:23:32 · answer #6 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
try asking him to open up to you instead, a married man should never have to seek out other women to pour his heart out too, I have no idea who's fault it is, the point is it's already gone too far...you either have to salvage what you can here and perhaps get some marriage counselling, or soon you're going to be the one needing another man to talk too and then it's really gonna hit the fan.......
2007-02-07 00:23:55 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is not happy, why stay you will only be unhappy too.
you can not make someone love you if they don`t
even if there is someone else, you need to move on
cause it will only hurt more longer you stay.
2007-02-07 00:39:55 · answer #8 · answered by Krissy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He needs to quit talking to her and talk to you. Before his relationship with her goes to far. Get marriage counseling quick!
2007-02-07 00:35:57 · answer #9 · answered by janicajayne 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Time to make him feel happy and loved, isn't it? Time to allow him to talk, listen to him and keep your mouth shut.
Rescue your marriage if you think it's worth $13.95
http://www.drlaurashop.com/product.php?id=96
2007-02-07 00:23:16 · answer #10 · answered by Violet Pearl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋